Fantasy

Dear Waterlili, 

It will definitely get easier. Passion can mean different things. Something you love doing with all your heart & soul is called passion for eg.

painting 
watching films 
reading good magazines 
exercising 
cooking healthy meals
your job
morning meditations

Passion is when you are productive with something you like for eg. you buy a couple of water colours, art paper, set a time during the day/evening & paint.Or if you like music & you join the piano/guitar class.

What we feel for our PoA is not passion, it's addiction. I'm sure you know this. I'm quite new to this board but I am a fantasy addict too. But I am passionate about other things, so I try to fantasise about these things that I want to do. What do you understand by passion?

If you tell me what you really really like doing just for the joy of it, maybe we can talk about it if you like. I can try to help you to plan on doing it & you can help me too. Tell me 4 things which u like?

Love
Moonlitvein

Fantasy starts early, in childhood (think fairy tales and Disney movies and such ' rescue me and I shall live happily ever after with my Knight in Shining Armor' stories.) When fantasies become unhealthy is when we don't give them up and they become our 'reality'.

I just read this quote today and want to share -- David Elkind, author, professor and chair at Tufts University, talked about the criticism of the new version of Cinderella that just came out. He said fantasy, in and of itself, is part of childhood and the natural pondering of the 'grown up' world. But --

"...as children age, they realize that such tales aren’t true. “That gives them a marker of understanding, ‘That’s not the way the world really works,’” he says. “To have a fantasy and give it up is a healthy sign of growing up.”

I personally had a difficult time giving up the fantasy. Really hard time -- as in, I did not grow up and pursued fantasy for years and years, and it evolved into full blown Love Addiction.

I almost gave up my reality (emotionally mature, loving husband and two beautiful children) for Fantasy POA (porn and sex addict-recovering alcoholic-now cross addicted gambler in debt for $60,000). Long story. Ugly story. But through psychodynamic therapy and a strong faith in my HP, I am turning things around and FINALLY growing up.

It is true -- if we remain in child-like fantasy, we will not recover or heal from Love Addiction. We will languish in an adolescent state of mind, chasing some fairy-tale fantasy and miss out on the joy of living an authentic life.

HaveFaith

I d say my fantasy started early in childhood as I was big fan of fairytales books, moves, songs, and later on used to love drama moves and books. Today I only read self help book, also Susan's recommended books. Just ordered new book about why do I think am nothing without you.,I always loved reading. And if book with good ening I would read this book few times during few months. So maybe that's what triggered my love addiction. I do like moves. And with kids we have move night once in the while. Watching some family move, comedy, kids disneys moves. Few years back I had been running and going to the gym, but somehow I was very determined only few months. Lol 3 weeks ago I started home cd kickboxing . As I like to sweat and work hard. Kids laugh at me. It is funny to each mummy doing all those moves... But seeing am getting really annoyed as it's hard work they stopped. We mess about other times. I ve been spending loads off time about house decorating but I just out of ideas because the money is tight and the fantasy not there anymore Hmm , music depends on the mood but usually listen everything, sometimes like mediation of kenny g. Or music without any worlds as sweet love worlds today sounds annoying. I think I have hiding creative side , but never did much creative work :,painting, or sketching so not sure. How are you doing today, and it is doesn't matter that you are newbie it is nice to meet new ppl especially those who cares. Oh btw about friends I don't like to dicquss my relationship or poa because it's just not healthy. And somehow today I keep myself to myself. Thank you sweeties for replay

Hi Moonlit, thank you for answer. I not sure about running yet or joining the gym. For now I can only do home sports.

I cannot do gaps as I writing fr my phone sorry

Moonlitvein you are lovely! Very nice and supporting person! What about you? Any plans ? Anything you reading at the moment ?

You are very intelligent and the way you wrote the questions makes a good sense. I do read woman who runs with wolfs. Am taking notes . Also keep doing exercises. What about you Moonlitvein ? How was your weekend ?

Thank you too. It is true about reading and taking notes, because that way I can recognise myself or my habits. I've recieved book about breakup and started reading it . So the woman with wolfs have to wait , I ll read it from the start again . I ve got loads off homework to do my kids are 9& 7. Boy and girl. They do nice things for me but sometimes it's hard work lol. I received some money for flooring but it's not my ability to put them so am not sure who to ask. I have no family in here... Sometimes hard without helping help. That why I asked kids dad. Tho he is not my favourite person to be arround.... I have to tell you what I did yesterday. I was speaking about my decor with my colleague. She said I need a man to help me with that... We had a laugh and then I said maybe you know anyone ? It was in joke form . Later on she said I do. So now my fantasy from poa goes to person I don't even know . I was petrified when she said I'll give him your number. . That's crazy . So now I have battlefield in my mind: yes or no.

Ya of course we can discuss the book

Try to tackle the battle field in your mind regarding the fantasy about the guy who will come to help you by believing that you have come a long way on your own in so many ways. So you don't necessarily need an unknown man to come in & help you. That will trigger your fantasy addiction even more. Instead sit & make a list of what needs to get done immediately. Those which you can tackle now, do them slowly. For the rest try to think of one friend who might help. I know you told me all of them are busy. But there must be someone who will be willing. So don't hesitate to ask for help from a friend but I think we fantasy lovers must exercise some hesitation & caution when it comes to this kind of a situation. So stay with your rational brain.

What's your update otherwise?

It is true what you said about fantasy. I do think about poa but I think more about who he really was ; playboy, liar. I was working hard this week. And had opportunity to expand my working skills yesterday. Was so exited! I am feeling better a lot better, if I meet males I can talk to them but I notice red flags everywhere . Wbu?

Well said MV about being a sex object . That was me in all relationships: hot, sexy. But not many care for real. And of course I want to think about man not as sex object either : but as sex was big part in my life and always maybe to much in the centre of relationship .. I don't know what to writte .. I just reading this book. But it's hard to understand . And I feel stuck .. Lol how are you doing MV?

Hey, thanks for wili: D lol looo l am reading women who reads with wolves. I usually read while kids are around so cannot concentrate .. English my not first language so I need to use dictinionary