Post by madysen14 on Mar 24, 2015 18:17:13 GMT -8
Looking back over the 3 year relationship I had with my PoA, it is quite evident that I fall somewhere between the obsessed love addict and the torchbearer. During the beginning of our relationship I started picking up signs that he was emotionally unavailable but that only made me want him more.
I still even remember the day he tried to fight me.... we weren't even 6 months into the relationship.
But for some reason I felt that we were perfect for one another. The only time I really questioned the relationship was when he hooked up with my ex best friend. But after thinking about him moving on to someone else I decided I wanted him back.
Although he was verbally abusive and treated me like he resented me, in my mind, we were passionately in love. The way I saw it, we were total opposites and opposites attract right? His opinion of me mattered so much to me that I'd spend time obsessing over mean things he'd say to me.
When I became pregnant, I thought it would solidify our love. But little did I know he was fed up and forced himself to go along with the "family idea" throughout the entire pregnancy. He left me when my daughter was a week old and 8 months later I am still crying everyday.
I literally obsess over him, who he's with, and whether we'll be together again. Begging, crying, and pleading with him only drives him to anger.
After cursing me out and ending the convo with "that's why we'll never be together," he continues his life- without me.
I used to think that I could handle breaking LC with him but now I see that it has stalled my recovery severely. So Saturday I made the decision to keep our communication strictly via text.
The withdrawals are literally hurting me physically but I find some comfort in knowing that by taking a different approach, I am giving myself a chance to get better results.
But a piece of me still believes that he is ...and will always be my ultimate obsession.