Post by abetterlife on May 17, 2015 10:51:14 GMT -8
This was helpful to read, to give sone meaning to what I'm feeling. I felt hope and despite the pain I worked my hardest to keep moving since no contact May 6th. I dont want to self pity or be negative. i used to turn to someone to tell of my sadness just to hear them tell me I am important and loved. I don't think I can do that right now...I don't want to be alone nor be with people. I want to accept, to self love, to find a higher power. This feeling of confusion and not knowing what purpose or future is in store. It is not general pain, it seems to hit my very core and identity. I feel like I'm trying EVERYTHING. But not enough at the same time.
I feel one positive thing right now. THIS HAS TO BE FOR SURE THE EMPTINESS THAT I HAVE BEEN ALWAYS ESCAPING WITH LOVE ADDICTIION. I'm here, this is it. It's a different feelng than the throes of withdrawal and very different than the pain IN those toxic relationships. How I miss the highs but stay in recovery because the lows always catch up to you and take you away from yourself. And I don't want to live and love like that ever again. And I don't want to be addicted to suffering.
I want to heal And I want my hope back. And to feel that someone cares about me.
I feel one positive thing right now. THIS HAS TO BE FOR SURE THE EMPTINESS THAT I HAVE BEEN ALWAYS ESCAPING WITH LOVE ADDICTIION. I'm here, this is it. It's a different feelng than the throes of withdrawal and very different than the pain IN those toxic relationships. How I miss the highs but stay in recovery because the lows always catch up to you and take you away from yourself. And I don't want to live and love like that ever again. And I don't want to be addicted to suffering.
I want to heal And I want my hope back. And to feel that someone cares about me.
