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Post by sweetyme on Jun 1, 2015 2:46:59 GMT -8
Hello, I am new here and started writing a journal (under the journal section, with my nick as title, in case you want to read it).
I do not know if it is the right section but I would like to find more information with a problem I have since I am a kid.
To protect me from my step father, I learned to shut down. It came naturally as a way to detach myself of the situation.
How to explain it? I start by detaching mentally not hearing anymore what's going around me then if the situation is getting worst, my body just shut down. I curl up and do not move anymore. As I was a kid, I understand that it was a way to protect myself in a certain way but I am now 43, and more then once in my past relationship, I went back to that state. If someone start arguing with, I do not answer, I go automatically in silence and fall into that state. At that point, the person with who I am arguing do not understand what's going on with me and get scared to see me like that. I tried to control it by myself and I got better but after many years it succeded a few month ago. It was a bad argue but not enough to drive me to that point.
Has someone experienced the same thing or know in what it consists to learn how to resolve this problem?
Thank you.
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Post by paisley on Jun 1, 2015 6:48:25 GMT -8
I had the same coping mechanism as a child. I remember my mom trying to talk to me and I'd shut down, and stare into space. I was basically catatonic.
In some ways it made sense to me. I was in an impossible situation and was not being heard or understood anyway, so I just gave up.
In time, I realized this was my way of grasping power in the situation. I didn't have to engage, and checking out drove my parents nuts...so I felt like it was all I had. It was extremely effective in driving people away. It made me feel like I had control.
In adult relationships it can be highly abusive to use these methods. A friend taught me to use my adult voice and come out and ask for what I need, whether it be some space or a listening ear, etc. If you find yourself in an intimate relationship where you can't use your adult voice (are not being heard or understood) it simply may not be a good relationship for you.
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Post by sweetyme on Jun 1, 2015 8:39:45 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing Paisley. I was thinking about what you wrote. No, it didn't/doesn't made/make me feel in power. Really I feel powerless in those case. Inside it's like I am screaming and kicking but nothing go out, like a computer which overheat and not to burn the circuit, goes in block.
What would be the 'adult voice'?
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Post by sweetyme on Jun 1, 2015 9:22:17 GMT -8
I searched for mental defences and found this which is more like how I feel: Regression is a form of retreat, going back to a time when the person felt safer and where the stresses in question were not known, or where an all-powerful parent would take them away.
With my step father I used to mainly wait for my mother to come back home so I knew that he would stop. It started at 12 years old so the foetus position would be the right one to which go back. In my relationship this is still what I am looking for, I want someone to save me, someone with who I can curl up and would say that everything will be alright. I don't know if it is right but that's the impression I have although I don't know from what as now I have nothing to be saved from.
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Post by sweetyme on Jun 1, 2015 9:24:24 GMT -8
And when I am in that state, the quicker way to get me out of it, it's to sweet talk me, like a child.
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Post by ~w~ on Oct 17, 2015 21:48:04 GMT -8
I relate to what you said. My body started to shut down after Honest conversation with my mother.
She would deny certain things , then I said I forgive you. For all. And after I go to bed , my body / mind kept having not only shut down : run away from reality - * but my through was swollen I couldn't breath , I felt that my heart stopped for a minute. I had experienced death , yesterday and day before , and yesterday after that experience , I started talking in my dream , and then screaming .
I remember going through this ,, experience , of generation pain ! Because my mother started telling The a truth only and family incest.
She'd asked me can I forget it.after I started to physically , somatic and other bod pain . She went few times in denial !!
So when I started . I needed rest ; haven't slept since we waited for guests . Then in that body / shutting down / can't breath / saliva running from mouth / running away from truth - pain- heart attack ? - birth experience . I heard and said it out Loud : .... ( my name) GET UP.
It wasn't my voice it was HP. I got in that experience 2 in the row at night. Because of the Enormous FEAR , Pain what my mother went through / and that I couldn't help her .. She kept going in denial .
I told her to go 12 steps group , I found 2 groups - AA and Oa . Now only gods help. .
Now I had 4 hour sleep . And I feel somewhat Embryo stage ( I don't even know what that means ) and painfull birth of change started change .
I got spiritual renewal and still cannot believe how God worked through my pain. I was surprised : miracle itself : I AM ALIVE ! I kept sharing to people and asking Am I going Insane? .
I still go go that stage with HP
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 18, 2015 14:15:23 GMT -8
I relate to what you said. My body started to shut down after Honest conversation with my mother.
She would deny certain things , then I said I forgive you. For all. And after I go to bed , my body / mind kept having not only shut down : run away from reality - * but my through was swollen I couldn't breath , I felt that my heart stopped for a minute. I had experienced death , yesterday and day before , and yesterday after that experience , I started talking in my dream , and then screaming .
I remember going through this ,, experience , of generation pain ! Because my mother started telling The a truth only and family incest.
She'd asked me can I forget it.after I started to physically , somatic and other bod pain . She went few times in denial !!
So when I started . I needed rest ; haven't slept since we waited for guests . Then in that body / shutting down / can't breath / saliva running from mouth / running away from truth - pain- heart attack ? - birth experience . I heard and said it out Loud : .... ( my name) GET UP.
It wasn't my voice it was HP. I got in that experience 2 in the row at night. Because of the Enormous FEAR , Pain what my mother went through / and that I couldn't help her .. She kept going in denial .
I told her to go 12 steps group , I found 2 groups - AA and Oa . Now only gods help. .
Now I had 4 hour sleep . And I feel somewhat Embryo stage ( I don't even know what that means ) and painfull birth of change started change .
I got spiritual renewal and still cannot believe how God worked through my pain. I was surprised : miracle itself : I AM ALIVE ! I kept sharing to people and asking Am I going Insane? .
I still go go that stage with HP
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