Post by paisley on Jun 25, 2015 2:06:21 GMT -8
I'm thinking seriously about selling my house and moving downtown into a tiny condo. It means taking on a lot more debt, and giving up a lot of square footage, but it puts me closer to other professional single people in a very vibrant and walkable area much closer to work and many of my regular favorite activities. I could literally walk or bike just about anywhere I want to go, and that's always been a dream of mine. I give up the yard I never use and the hassle and expense of suburban home ownership in exchange for a pool, onsite gym, awesome hike/bike trails, parks and river/creeks, concierge and nice view of the city's center. And oh yeah, take on much more debt.
How does this relate to LA? Most of my adult life I've accommodated others in my living situation. When I had step kids I had to live where they could go to the best schools (even though they were underachievers and didn't care) and provide bedrooms and bathrooms for them. My ex was a believer in bigger is better, and we had so much stuff. I never embraced the "soccer mom" identity and found no joy in gardening or maintaining a lawn or commuting.
When we divorced, I downsized considerably...but I've still got three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, and this yard I never use. My ex boyfriend and his daughter moved in with me for a while, and I see now of course that was a mistake...and it feels like at that time I was still designing my life to accommodate others. It felt like I bought all this space to reserve room for a man and his kid(s) and that's what I got. I simply filled in a blank.
To make matters worse, I feel I attracted a man who needed me to provide this for him. He left things here as a means of maintaining a connection to me and I feel like I allowed him to pee all over my territory (figuratively).
Of course I could live in a 3 bedroom house and be selective about who I allow into my space and weed out men who are looking to become my dependent...which is what I'm doing now...but the result is that I feel like I'm in the wrong place FOR ME. I've also got two extra bedrooms and a bathroom and a yard that I never use.
Making an offer on this tiny condo feels like embracing my singleness and basically investing in it for the long term. Almost like I'm resigning to it. It's really a one person place. No room in the closet for a man's wardrobe. Absolutely no room for his kid.
This makes it very unlikely that I'd be co-habitating with my future soulmate any time soon, unless of course this guy I haven't met yet wants to make room for me at his place.
I'm already hearing criticism from some friends. It's too small. It's too expensive. And I hope I'm not making an extreme reaction to my past failures in setting boundaries by creating a situation that makes it less likely that I'll ever get married again because I'm sending a sort of message to the world that says my home is not inviting to guests. A message that says this space is mine and there's no room for you and I no longer want or need to come home to a family. Even though part of me knows that coming home to a family can be kind of nice.
Unfortunately I don't see a middle ground in my city. In the "affordable" suburban areas, it's almost impossible to find anything smaller than what I have. There are more affordable good sized condos, but then you're still in unwalkable areas without the high-rise amenities.
To be in the area I want, I have to go TINY because I'm not a millionaire. But it's just me for the foreseeable future, so why not? Why not plan my life as if I'm going to be single for a long, long time? Perhaps single forever.
How does this relate to LA? Most of my adult life I've accommodated others in my living situation. When I had step kids I had to live where they could go to the best schools (even though they were underachievers and didn't care) and provide bedrooms and bathrooms for them. My ex was a believer in bigger is better, and we had so much stuff. I never embraced the "soccer mom" identity and found no joy in gardening or maintaining a lawn or commuting.
When we divorced, I downsized considerably...but I've still got three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, and this yard I never use. My ex boyfriend and his daughter moved in with me for a while, and I see now of course that was a mistake...and it feels like at that time I was still designing my life to accommodate others. It felt like I bought all this space to reserve room for a man and his kid(s) and that's what I got. I simply filled in a blank.
To make matters worse, I feel I attracted a man who needed me to provide this for him. He left things here as a means of maintaining a connection to me and I feel like I allowed him to pee all over my territory (figuratively).
Of course I could live in a 3 bedroom house and be selective about who I allow into my space and weed out men who are looking to become my dependent...which is what I'm doing now...but the result is that I feel like I'm in the wrong place FOR ME. I've also got two extra bedrooms and a bathroom and a yard that I never use.
Making an offer on this tiny condo feels like embracing my singleness and basically investing in it for the long term. Almost like I'm resigning to it. It's really a one person place. No room in the closet for a man's wardrobe. Absolutely no room for his kid.
This makes it very unlikely that I'd be co-habitating with my future soulmate any time soon, unless of course this guy I haven't met yet wants to make room for me at his place.
I'm already hearing criticism from some friends. It's too small. It's too expensive. And I hope I'm not making an extreme reaction to my past failures in setting boundaries by creating a situation that makes it less likely that I'll ever get married again because I'm sending a sort of message to the world that says my home is not inviting to guests. A message that says this space is mine and there's no room for you and I no longer want or need to come home to a family. Even though part of me knows that coming home to a family can be kind of nice.
Unfortunately I don't see a middle ground in my city. In the "affordable" suburban areas, it's almost impossible to find anything smaller than what I have. There are more affordable good sized condos, but then you're still in unwalkable areas without the high-rise amenities.
To be in the area I want, I have to go TINY because I'm not a millionaire. But it's just me for the foreseeable future, so why not? Why not plan my life as if I'm going to be single for a long, long time? Perhaps single forever.