Post by leahb on Jun 30, 2015 15:43:09 GMT -8
I have set some boundaries with my parents -particularly around them knowing where I live (so they don't just "drop by") and about my work life/job situation. I want very little involvement from them in my life. I tend to keep to a schedule of talking to them via phone every 3 weeks for 20 minutes and that's all. I will visit on special occasions like birthdays and mother's day/father's day, but only for 2 hours maximum. And only if they don't attempt to "guilt me" into going to see them.
They have not responded well to these boundaries and I get nasty text messages or phone calls from my mother/father on occasion.
My Mother has BPD with narcissistic tendencies-though she doesn't recognize this. She has gotten very creative in gathering "intel" on my life. She gets my Dad to call because she thinks that I'll pick up the phone if he calls-which I don't. I also don't pick up when she calls either. She gets my Aunt to email or call to "check in"-it makes me sad as I used to have a relationship with my aunt, but now because of my Mother's influence, I can't. And recently, my Mother's friend tried to add me on Facebook... The tactics never end. She also consistently plays the "You're a single woman and I worry about your safety" card. There may be some truth to this, but really I can take care of myself and I don't want to text her back all the time. She then calls me "rude" and states "you can't just send a quick text to let me know you are okay?". The guilt tactics are ridiculous. Maybe I should just start lying to her and say I have a boyfriend and he takes care of me, so stop worrying so much. I don't even think its real worry-she's just trying to control things.
I really don't like what my Mother is doing with her manipulative behavior and want her to stop.
What other ideas do you guys have about boundaries and tools to use to maintain healthy boundaries?
Thanks for reading
They have not responded well to these boundaries and I get nasty text messages or phone calls from my mother/father on occasion.
My Mother has BPD with narcissistic tendencies-though she doesn't recognize this. She has gotten very creative in gathering "intel" on my life. She gets my Dad to call because she thinks that I'll pick up the phone if he calls-which I don't. I also don't pick up when she calls either. She gets my Aunt to email or call to "check in"-it makes me sad as I used to have a relationship with my aunt, but now because of my Mother's influence, I can't. And recently, my Mother's friend tried to add me on Facebook... The tactics never end. She also consistently plays the "You're a single woman and I worry about your safety" card. There may be some truth to this, but really I can take care of myself and I don't want to text her back all the time. She then calls me "rude" and states "you can't just send a quick text to let me know you are okay?". The guilt tactics are ridiculous. Maybe I should just start lying to her and say I have a boyfriend and he takes care of me, so stop worrying so much. I don't even think its real worry-she's just trying to control things.
I really don't like what my Mother is doing with her manipulative behavior and want her to stop.
What other ideas do you guys have about boundaries and tools to use to maintain healthy boundaries?
Thanks for reading