Post by gkbilly on Jul 26, 2015 19:34:53 GMT -8
So, I've tried to find the answer by myself the past couple of days, but I just want to make sure I have a correct grasp on these 2 concepts.
To me it seems that self esteem is proactive and self compassion is reactive. So they would work hand in hand with each other and allow the other to work more efficiently.
Self esteem being a form of confidence that gives you the courage to believe you can do something, whatever it might be at the time. It seems to me to be the strength of belief in oneself. Belief in itself is a word based on lack of proof. I mean, you don't know you will actually be successful at the thing until you try. Self esteem is the side that says "believe that you can do this".
On the other hand is self compassion. The part that says no matter the outcome that you will be okay and the outcome of any given situation has no effect on your inherent self worth as a person. The example that comes to mind is the concept of money.. not 100% sure where I heard it, but it goes like.. a man at a seminar held up a $100 bill. He asked the crowd to raise their hand if they wanted it. All hands went up. He then crumpled it in his hand and made it all wrinkley. He asked again who wanted it. All hands went up. Then he threw it on the ground and stomped on it and rubbed it on the bottom of his shoe, and then asked who still wanted it. All hands went up. The point being that regardless of its looks or what it went through, it was still $100. I feel that this is what self compassion is. Understanding self worth and being able to remember that no matter what happens you will always be worth while. No matter what.
I have really been trying hard to not only better understand self compassion, but to practice it. Its hard, but it feels really good in comparison to the alternative of self degredation and hatred.
My question has many parts. Firstly, is this the right understanding? Secondly, do they work together or no? From what I've read our current societal obsession with self esteem has lead to huge spikes in narcissim and agression. As self esteem is believed to be based on comparison to others. I'm not sure if that is entrely true or at least isn't necessarily true. So thoughts? Next.. I'm doing better on the self compassion side. I haven't had a 'real' low since I've started yet and I even got told no to a relationship. Thats cool to me. But I still struggle with self esteem and how it works. I've read Susan's posts (at least I hope a good chunk of them). I've read a few articles.. but aside from tips and tricks.. it doesn't really explain the essence of it. How it comes to be. What a healthy amount looks like. I understand the childhood part fairly well. But what about now? Practice makes perfect. But what am I practicing? Practicing trial and error? I'm not 100%. It seems connected to self compassion, but self compassion only seems to be the first step. The belief that even if I fail, I am still worthwhile. But where does courage come from? I realize the fear will never be gone, as without fear there is no courage. But how do I overcome unwaranted and seriously hindering fear?
That's what I'm confused about..
P.S. I want to take a second and say thanks to everybody. I know not everybody who has read/replied to my posts will read this, but I mean it. This seems like a place where I can be my true and difficult self. While I seem to have upset many people, which I'm sorry for, I don't mean to.. but you all still tried or are still trying and thats awesome. My friends give up. You don't. That you should be proud of. Even if that is weird coming from a 20 year old. After years of being suicidal, etc.. I've learned a ton. Most especially how to be very difficult to deal with. But I understand strong and awesome people when I see them now, because of all of that. And as far as I'm concerned. You all fit the bill.
To me it seems that self esteem is proactive and self compassion is reactive. So they would work hand in hand with each other and allow the other to work more efficiently.
Self esteem being a form of confidence that gives you the courage to believe you can do something, whatever it might be at the time. It seems to me to be the strength of belief in oneself. Belief in itself is a word based on lack of proof. I mean, you don't know you will actually be successful at the thing until you try. Self esteem is the side that says "believe that you can do this".
On the other hand is self compassion. The part that says no matter the outcome that you will be okay and the outcome of any given situation has no effect on your inherent self worth as a person. The example that comes to mind is the concept of money.. not 100% sure where I heard it, but it goes like.. a man at a seminar held up a $100 bill. He asked the crowd to raise their hand if they wanted it. All hands went up. He then crumpled it in his hand and made it all wrinkley. He asked again who wanted it. All hands went up. Then he threw it on the ground and stomped on it and rubbed it on the bottom of his shoe, and then asked who still wanted it. All hands went up. The point being that regardless of its looks or what it went through, it was still $100. I feel that this is what self compassion is. Understanding self worth and being able to remember that no matter what happens you will always be worth while. No matter what.
I have really been trying hard to not only better understand self compassion, but to practice it. Its hard, but it feels really good in comparison to the alternative of self degredation and hatred.
My question has many parts. Firstly, is this the right understanding? Secondly, do they work together or no? From what I've read our current societal obsession with self esteem has lead to huge spikes in narcissim and agression. As self esteem is believed to be based on comparison to others. I'm not sure if that is entrely true or at least isn't necessarily true. So thoughts? Next.. I'm doing better on the self compassion side. I haven't had a 'real' low since I've started yet and I even got told no to a relationship. Thats cool to me. But I still struggle with self esteem and how it works. I've read Susan's posts (at least I hope a good chunk of them). I've read a few articles.. but aside from tips and tricks.. it doesn't really explain the essence of it. How it comes to be. What a healthy amount looks like. I understand the childhood part fairly well. But what about now? Practice makes perfect. But what am I practicing? Practicing trial and error? I'm not 100%. It seems connected to self compassion, but self compassion only seems to be the first step. The belief that even if I fail, I am still worthwhile. But where does courage come from? I realize the fear will never be gone, as without fear there is no courage. But how do I overcome unwaranted and seriously hindering fear?
That's what I'm confused about..
P.S. I want to take a second and say thanks to everybody. I know not everybody who has read/replied to my posts will read this, but I mean it. This seems like a place where I can be my true and difficult self. While I seem to have upset many people, which I'm sorry for, I don't mean to.. but you all still tried or are still trying and thats awesome. My friends give up. You don't. That you should be proud of. Even if that is weird coming from a 20 year old. After years of being suicidal, etc.. I've learned a ton. Most especially how to be very difficult to deal with. But I understand strong and awesome people when I see them now, because of all of that. And as far as I'm concerned. You all fit the bill.