Hi Vivi, I have heard stories like yours numerous times. And still, each time it makes me saddened to the core. These horrific experiences we have in our youth have such a detrimental effect on our future relationships with our partners. We need to feel very safe and secure in our relationships if we want to take it to that next level with someone and even with therapy and lots of support, sometimes we can't enjoy sex the way it was meant to be enjoyed-between two loving people with mutual respect and trust for one another. Perhaps for the time, enjoy being a single lady and when you do meet someone wait for a few dates before you bring it up. Ensure both of you are on the same page about how quickly/how you take it to the next level. It may mean waiting a long time and starting with hugs and snuggles and working yourself up to something a little more intimate. I feel for your situation and have heard from so many women how the abuse from their childhood has had such a large impact on their current partnerships. In fact, strangely enough, I am meeting up with a girlfriend later today who had abuse ocur when she was very very young and her husband frequently says "God-that man really put a huge strain on our marriage and has made it so hard to get close" Stay strong and take your time.
Perhaps for the time, enjoy being a single lady and when you do meet someone wait for a few dates before you bring it up. Ensure both of you are on the same page about how quickly/how you take it to the next level. It may mean waiting a long time and starting with hugs and snuggles and working yourself up to something a little more intimate. leahb
I made my ex wait a month before getting physically intimate. I intend to keep doing this when it comes to dating. I don't mind telling people about my past, I do it gradually and gently. It is not the problem. The problem is it seemed that the men I was with were understanding as long as it didn't interfere with the sexual aspect of the relationship.
Maybe, it will be about me setting boundaries for a bit longer and open a dialogue before we jump in bed. I won't let anybody pressure me. I won't let myself pressure me. Sex isn't just a physical thing, it is about me feeling safe and loved. This only comes with getting to know each other. It takes time.
A lot of people mistake sex and passion with intimacy, love and closeness but it isn't...
I like to read your story, though it is triggerd me a lot..
when i was six years old, one day , afternoon, myself was playing at home, a neighbourhoold a old ugly men about over 50s came into my home, my dad was at offcie working, and my mom was not at home too,
he asked me to take off my pants,and touch his penis， he put his penis very close to my vagina.. I just do what he asked me to do ,and his face appeared lewd smile..
when my paretnets came back late, I told them what happened, and they said nothing, and later some day, they told the old ugly guy " did you do that? dont do that agian" I was also there when they talking about ..
later, my mom told this to my aunt ( my mom older brother's wife ) and laughed " I dont knw why she alwasy attact this??" I felt very very shameful when she talked about this ,and my aunt said nothing also smiled..(a narsiisst too ,because i always more beautfil and brillant than her daugher, she alwasy jealous of me, and felt happy about my sadness )
I was a top student, but when i was 16, suddently, i could not read the black broad very clearly becasue I felt tol nervous and depressed..
now, until today, I still have this feelings, similar situations..
when i grow up, with NO boudaries, I let the toxics and garbages in my life and had sex with them, my heart bleeding,and feel ice now..
sex for lots of people are good and nourture, but for me, it is too sad, I dont know how long road it will be..
for a healthy relationship and healthy sex..
with the people who is honest , respect and gentle to me..receving uncontional love and true love from my higher power every day.