I am working on recovery, my journey is different and interesting in a way. I finnished my step3 with face2face sponsor. But did I really?!! No. My online sponsor pint pointed why I am stuck with step2 with her. I simply don't believe. Or I d say I believe but I don't trust that someone higher then me can restore me to sanity. So I am frustrated, I am stuck with that. I am Chistian , I started to read holly bible and I pry. I started yoga exercise today. But why I feel that I am not worthy? Why I self harm myself with food?
I can sometimes imagine sitting beside God. But is that it? Or St Mary can be my HP? I simply trust woman than man, tho in spiritually it doesn't matter. Any guidance would be great. After doing 5 meetings per 1/5 days iam physically ex costed . Thank you
I went through this stage myself recently. Doing all the "right things" to feel better, and I was still feeling like stuff. The only answer I can give is to surrender. Surrender yourself to your feelings of unworthiness. Sit in them. Make friends with them. Then ask yourself the question "What makes me unworthy?" If you can answer that question, ask yourself "Why does that make me unworthy?". Then you can ask yourself, "Is this something that is true?" "What makes it true?"
Ex. I am unworthy Q: What makes me unworthy? A: I am unworthy because I do not have a partner to share my life with. Q: Why does not having a partner make you unworthy? A: Because it means no one loves me enough to want to be my life partner. It means I am not deserving of a partner. Q: Is this true? Is this really true? Is everyone that doesn't have a partner unworthy? A: Well, no. Just because I don't have a partner right now, but it may not mean I am unworthy. Not having a partner does not equal unworthiness.
I hope this helps.
Thank you for posting about the HP.
I don't think it really matters-regardless of your beliefs if it is a male or a female you want to picture as your version of God or your Higher Power. Sitting beside your HP is great if it gives you relief and makes you feel that connection.
I feel like my HP is in everything. It's in the air I breathe, it's in the food I eat. it's the words I write. It's everywhere and everything. I find it so easy to connect with my HP when I see and feel it like this. You know what I find so interesting? As human beings, we find so much comfort in our ability to conceptually understand things like "That is a pine tree" or "That is a rose". Just because we have collectively agreed on what to call or name things, does not make them any less miraculous or awe-inducing. I think I've fallen hard for my HP and nature in general. That is where I connect with my HP.
I listened to worship music yesterday and we went with kids to worship service last Sunday. My daughter refuses to go to church today . But I guess she don't have a choice...
She's so angry about anything ...
I know I love higher power , creater or God , he brought me this path about 2.5 years ago , and all changed ... there is different meaning there is a peace there is unconditional love .
Of course I still reflect on my imperfections and flaws , but he makes me good and he loves me. I keep comparing myself with others : heights, weight , curves, money , and race and I know I am perfect in him. I never win in man ways .
And I don't have too. I love peace serenity and love today .
Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 23, 2017 9:06:34 GMT -8
She's so angry about anything ...
This is normal for adolescents and wounded adults. I feel you are talking about me right now. LOL. I am going to pray that this is just adolescent angst and that it will pass. You have to set boundaries and take care of yourself but at the same time love her and LISTEN to her. I never did this with my son an he never stopped being angry. There are a lot of good books out now that did not exist when I was a young mother. God buy one!
We went to different church and she was really annoying me . But I was singing and it was really cosy , happy friendly church.
They had some juice biscuits and chat with other people who was talking very kindly to my kids. I think that's positive .
.. I found someone quite attractive ... but it's okay
I feel still quite uncomfortable with male attention and especially if they are attractive . I think it was nice to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, also for kids too.
Next week they have BBQ , and that's sounds like fun. My kids love food
I had such an awesome day ... we went to local event later too ; which was good fun-- I danced! Music is my other love and drug . I forget everything .. I didn't care about others who needs substances To be happy and relaxed.
Feel the presence of god and he knows me , and he knows how much I love music .. I dedicate my songs to him. ❤️
Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 23, 2017 13:48:16 GMT -8
.. I found someone quite attractive ... but it's okay I feel still quite uncomfortable with male attention and especially if they are attractive .
Me to. I am terrified of having a slip and being attracted to the wrong person. I am also an avoidant so that doesn't. Eventually I found Frank who is gorgeous and we love each other. Whatever they look like make sure they deserve you.
I dedicate my songs to him. ❤️
I got the idea to do this in early recovery and thought I had created something brand new. Then a friend told me: "Butterflygirl: Haven't you ever heard of a HYNM. Duh!
Oh I can see guys looking but they don't really dare to chat with me .. this one did lol I get quite closed off quickly .. maybe I need time to open up. I offered some help , he said not at the moment (only smth for man to do like heavy ) I have nothing to proof lol
I think I have good mask of confidence and maybe they have nothing to offer too...
I know what I don't have to look for anyone .. at all .. but sometimes I do... When the time is right all fall to the place . I have sponsor so I wouldn't go on not sharing with her about that , and this keeps me safe.
My kids going therapy so hopefully they will feel heard and listened too.
This is massive step for me - admitting my flaws wrong doings . My son is already said, I need to talk to somebody about my fear ! I think that is amazing ❤️
I am so grateful for this board - it saved my life ! I bow on my knees to god who showed this forum to me .. I am sooo blessed