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Post by leahb on Aug 17, 2015 19:12:24 GMT -8
Lately I'm finding that I am getting anxious over everything. Over finding a job. Over my new relationship. Over my recovery. I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I've been working hard on figuring out what I want in life and have been working towards what I desire. What I desire is a life that is filled with learning, new experiences and challenges (which are really opportunities in disguise). At the same time, there's a part of me that finds so much comfort in stability and does not want to be disturbed. One of the big tasks I've set for myself this summer is about building my discomfort muscles. Though I have been doing pretty well with that goal, I feel like there is still a lot of work I could do in this area. I have a list of things I still need to complete in the next few weeks and I am a bit scared of completing all of those tasks. They are all at various stages-which I am pleased with. At least I've started them all. Anyhow, I guess I just needed to get that out. Writing it down helps a lot. But this anxiety is quite real. I just wish I didn't feel quite as anxious as I do. Anyhow, I'm off to bed. I'll be back on tomorrow I'm sure.
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Babysteps
Junior Member
I will beat this addiction-I will learn to love and accept myself exactly as I am-I will be free :)
Posts: 58
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Post by Babysteps on Aug 17, 2015 23:15:23 GMT -8
leahb I can relate very well to what you are saying. Last week I was very anxious about a number of things and it was very hard to move past it. For me it is like walking through treacle- everything is hard work and I cannot seem to focus on anything except these feelings, which manage to take over my whole body and mind. All I can say writing your thoughts down is a good thing. Sharing what you are feeling helps when trying to move past things and trying to live and accept these feelings as part of who you are, may make them less powerful. Mine too made me want to walk away from everything and be on my own again. In fact it took every part of my being to stop myself from doing something dramatic - for me that is a huge step forward as I would normally have let these feelings dictate how I would act. Only By learning and dealing with these feelings can we move forward. Accepting that they have a negative result on how we act will hopefully help us in not letting them take over our lives. Good luck. I enjoy reading your threads. You are doing so well. This is just another hurdle to jump over :-)
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Anxiety
Aug 18, 2015 14:11:18 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Aug 18, 2015 14:11:18 GMT -8
Have you given yourself too many goals? Cut back to something more manageable. Is that an option?
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Post by leahb on Aug 18, 2015 17:33:42 GMT -8
LovelyJune-you are da bomb! I mean it. I think I've set so many goals for myself that it's completely insane. At the same time, I am doing fairly well. I just have to take it one day at a time. I mean, we only have today-right?
I think the job hunt has been getting me down is all. I've been working on updating my resume and applying to many jobs-so far 6 this week-with a goal of 10/week. Thankfully in my field they are always looking for people-but I want the right job. I'm not willing to take a job I hate just because its available. I know after being out of the market for 10 months, I may have to take a bit of a pay cut at first, but I'm hoping I won't have to do that for long. Anyhow, I am doing okay and I am fine. I just have to keep my head up and do the things I like to do. I'm working on gettin' 'er done!
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Anxiety
Aug 27, 2015 9:56:22 GMT -8
~w~ likes this
Post by moonlitvein on Aug 27, 2015 9:56:22 GMT -8
I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I've been working hard on figuring out what I want in life and have been working towards what I desire. What I desire is a life that is filled with learning, new experiences and challenges (which are really opportunities in disguise). At the same time, there's a part of me that finds so much comfort in stability and does not want to be disturbed. For me, this anxiety (at least partly) comes from a certain sense of uncertainty about the future. I've been out of the market for over 7 months. Meet you on your boat for some coffee or mine? But no.... on a more serious note It's an agonising pain to not have my financially liberated status currently & yet strangely I am anxious that a work call might come. It's like a voice telling me inside my head "Oh! I don't want that call." because I am scared! Can you believe it?
Now I'm beginning to feel that maybe somewhere I am so scared of the outside world that I am resisting going out again. Perhaps in my heart I don't want it.That's why the calls are not coming. Perhaps I am not wishing for it from the bottom of my heart. I also don't want to do just "any work" That's a reason why,perhaps that it hasn't worked out for so long. But anyhow, I am continuing apply. I am trying. I won't stop or give up. I have a huge desire to do the things I love, on a daily basis - primarily studying about topics that interest me, watching world cinema, thinking about things and writing, jotting ideas the minute they come to me, doing my SE exercise or thinking about my inventory - yet I end up doing less. These are all areas of self growth and open exploration and yet I cannot seem to be finishing them. I make lists, tick off done things but there's always something that gets left out and I move to the new list. It causes depression and anxiety within me. In spite of loving this open exploration I want structure on a daily basis - from a job. I need this structure from an external agent for at least 6 -7 hrs daily. When I will get this structure, I don't know - and perhaps this causes the anxiety. The uncertainty of it all. I also feel that the stage that we are at right now in recovery is causing a certain amount of anxiety. There's so much to read, so much to write, so many exercises from which I am hoping to find things, so much to interact about with people here. It's too much (in a good way). But this too can cause anxiety. I feel like lapping it all up in a day! Not possible obviously !! Found a book a year back or so on Anxiety where there is a chapter on Happiness & Anxiety. Apparently happiness causes anxiety too!
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Post by leahb on Aug 27, 2015 13:52:54 GMT -8
Thank you do much for your post! This is Also happening with me at the moment as well. I really don't want to just work any job. I want to find a job I thoroughly enjoy and aligns with my values and beliefs. I used to be employed as a nurse working in the medical system and though I love helping others, that field is more and more about pushing meds on people. I'm not against medication completely, but there are so many other ways to treat chronic health issues and I find once we start to just medically manage medications we lose the person and become very focused on basically pushing medications on people. Anyhow, I do not want to work in a system that does not want to embrace alternative ways of treating health-such as positive thinking, proper diet, regular exercise and working on healthy relationships. I have now gotten to the point where I do need to obtain some sort of employment though I have enjoyed my time off from working immensely and have felt that I've had the opportunity to really immerse myself deep into recovery because I made it my #1 priority. I'm afraid that when I go back I'll fall into bad behaviors but I may do just fine. I am also looking for work in healthcare that does not involve pushing big pharma's agenda. Thank you again for your post. Helps me bring some clarity to my situation:)
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Anxiety
Aug 27, 2015 14:22:06 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Aug 27, 2015 14:22:06 GMT -8
I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I've been working hard on figuring out what I want in life and have been working towards what I desire. What I desire is a life that is filled with learning, new experiences and challenges (which are really opportunities in disguise). At the same time, there's a part of me that finds so much comfort in stability and does not want to be disturbed. For me, this anxiety (at least partly) comes from a certain sense of uncertainty about the future. I've been out of the market for over 7 months. Meet you on your boat for some coffee or mine? But no.... on a more serious note It's an agonising pain to not have my financially liberated status currently & yet strangely I am anxious that a work call might come. It's like a voice telling me inside my head "Oh! I don't want that call." because I am scared! Can you believe it?
Now I'm beginning to feel that maybe somewhere I am so scared of the outside world that I am resisting going out again. Perhaps in my heart I don't want it.That's why the calls are not coming. Perhaps I am not wishing for it from the bottom of my heart. I also don't want to do just "any work" That's a reason why,perhaps that it hasn't worked out for so long. But anyhow, I am continuing apply. I am trying. I won't stop or give up. I have a huge desire to do the things I love, on a daily basis - primarily studying about topics that interest me, watching world cinema, thinking about things and writing, jotting ideas the minute they come to me, doing my SE exercise or thinking about my inventory - yet I end up doing less. These are all areas of self growth and open exploration and yet I cannot seem to be finishing them. I make lists, tick off done things but there's always something that gets left out and I move to the new list. It causes depression and anxiety within me. In spite of loving this open exploration I want structure on a daily basis - from a job. I need this structure from an external agent for at least 6 -7 hrs daily. When I will get this structure, I don't know - and perhaps this causes the anxiety. The uncertainty of it all. I also feel that the stage that we are at right now in recovery is causing a certain amount of anxiety. There's so much to read, so much to write, so many exercises from which I am hoping to find things, so much to interact about with people here. It's too much (in a good way). But this too can cause anxiety. I feel like lapping it all up in a day! Not possible obviously !! Found a book a year back or so on Anxiety where there is a chapter on Happiness & Anxiety. Apparently happiness causes anxiety too!
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Post by ~w~ on Aug 27, 2015 14:32:19 GMT -8
I can totally relate to anxiety , by putting myself under pressure : recovery, medical work , kids - I just want to do allllll perfect! But I keep forgetting to look after my self and managing my health care . The future uncertainty worries me too, but somehow I pry for that, I leave my worries to God , I cannot plan and control anything anymore . Last week I did yoga stress relief, and I felt soo great , tho my addict kicks in and I have to fight with her to go and do these exercises again , hopefully tommorow . I can totally understand about wanting to have job that suits your values , maybe if you meditate and pry on that it would help a little to reduce anxiety , I guess you being picky, but that is a good thing , I think. Usually I just jump in on the chance and then I have to fight for important things at work , putting boundaries in place. That's recovery for you . Love Wl x
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Anxiety
Aug 27, 2015 14:58:57 GMT -8
Post by Havefaith on Aug 27, 2015 14:58:57 GMT -8
Anxiety, yes. I am leaving for Germany (traveling alone to see relatives) next Friday, and I almost cancelled the trip yesterday over an anxiety attack over this trip. I have made this trip by myself before. Don't know why this time I am so anxiety and fear ridden. I think it may be that I am not 'self-medicating' with POA's and such, and I am actually feeling my feelings. Who knows.
I am taking Susan's advice, however -- feel the fear and do it anyway...
HaveFaith
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Post by moonlitvein on Aug 27, 2015 22:06:28 GMT -8
Dear Havefaith, I have the same problem. I go through travel phobia. It's been a recent development since the last 2 yrs. But I pray that I will be meeting great fellow human beings during my travel. That way I reverse my thought pattern so that my emotions & behaviour will change. Your trip will be great. Sounds exciting to me. Can you pinpoint what the exact anxiety is about? Mine is generally people fear, especially men. Wht's yours? If you can pinpoint then you can work on it.
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Post by moonlitvein on Aug 27, 2015 22:26:05 GMT -8
Dear ~w~I have jumped in on chances before. It doesn't work really (unless we get really lucky!) So I have been choosy & yes it is taking time. But it is going to work out. My yoga has made the anxiety & anger sooo much better to handle. I am at a better place because of it. Tht's why I was suggesting to u to do it (i wrote that on your personal journal). U might be bored at first but it will eventually become a "good addiction" to fight your anxiety I pray, meditate & image to fight anxiety.
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Anxiety
Aug 27, 2015 22:35:58 GMT -8
Post by moonlitvein on Aug 27, 2015 22:35:58 GMT -8
I want to find a job I thoroughly enjoy and aligns with my values and beliefs. I agree with this. I am on the same page. I was into advertising but left after many yrs since the content of the work really bothers me. I am not really interested in shampoos and how it makes your hair silky or a cream that makes you fair or XYZ that will make the population thinner. I mean what's the meaning in the basic content? I find it too appearance oriented & have a problem with it. I try to find the true meaning in things,whether they make sense to me. I love the media though, as a whole. So trying to make a shift in another area.
Having said that we all know that every job (even the BEST one) will come with it's pros and cons. We have to weigh it & see what we want to compromise & what we don't compromise on. I also tend to trust my intuition a lot. Though with recovery I tend to question that a lot too. It's gone for a toss, a bit. It's like - "Oh is this really the correct intuition or is this my unhealthy fear & anxiety speaking." You know? It gets confusing with recovery. You find u r not so sure about some things anymore.
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 0:21:28 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Aug 28, 2015 0:21:28 GMT -8
Dear ~w~I have jumped in on chances before. It doesn't work really (unless we get really lucky!) So I have been choosy & yes it is taking time. But it is going to work out. My yoga has made the anxiety & anger sooo much better to handle. I am at a better place because of it. Tht's why I was suggesting to u to do it (i wrote that on your personal journal). U might be bored at first but it will eventually become a "good addiction" to fight your anxiety I pray, meditate & image to fight anxiety. Yesterday I just stayed with the feelings and cryed, tho usually I woke up in the mid of the night and eat. I need to discipline myself with yoga, I pry a lot and do hours too. Thank you MV. It's so nice to even get message .x
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 0:22:07 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Aug 28, 2015 0:22:07 GMT -8
* journal
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 4:10:04 GMT -8
Post by Havefaith on Aug 28, 2015 4:10:04 GMT -8
Thanks for your thoughtful response, mlv --
I have pinpointed the cause of the anxiety, and it is being thrown out of my 'comfort zone' -- my logical self says 'it is just ten days, you are not going into a dangerous situation, you are going to see relatives, you will be sight seeing and you even speak the language rather efficiently!" My anxious self says, "Cancel and stay safe in your little bubble!"
I am working on listening to my Logical Self.
HaveFaith
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 4:52:16 GMT -8
Post by CodepNomore on Aug 28, 2015 4:52:16 GMT -8
Havefaith, if you still have no peace in your heart, I would suggest to inquire from your HT/HP.
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 5:46:55 GMT -8
~w~ likes this
Post by moonlitvein on Aug 28, 2015 5:46:55 GMT -8
usually I woke up in the mid of the night and eat. I have a tendency to do this during the evenings. The cravings get too much to handle. It's at it's peak from around 4 pm to 8.30 pm. Basically we are using food in order to replace something else that we are craving (like comfort, affection, sex, love etc) or to handle stress, anxiety. Our subconscious mind believes that if we stuff ourselves with junk food it can replace our depression, loneliness etc. Well, we know it can't. But it's not easy to give up.
Here's what I have been trying in the evenings. The minute I get up from work and move to the snack shelf to munch I stop myself and ask "Wait! Am I really hungry? Is my stomach REALLY empty. It's not." If I stay with this thought I tend not to binge.
I think you are trying to seek what we call comfort food which will give you NO comfort. Try to develop a thought process like - "No. It's not food time now. Let's sleep. We will have a really great breakfast 1st thing in the morn" Keep saying this to your inner child till it works. Have u spoken to ur therapist abt this?
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Anxiety
Aug 28, 2015 5:52:16 GMT -8
Post by moonlitvein on Aug 28, 2015 5:52:16 GMT -8
I have pinpointed the cause of the anxiety, and it is being thrown out of my 'comfort zone' Exactly.I hate getting out of my comfort zone too. But when I actually get out & do things out of my bubble, I love it so much at the end of the day & feel so energised. I think we all have to push our logical mind forward constantly. Your stay in Germany will be great. I'm sure of it. You'll see
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Anxiety
Aug 31, 2015 22:02:23 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Aug 31, 2015 22:02:23 GMT -8
usually I woke up in the mid of the night and eat. I have a tendency to do this during the evenings. The cravings get too much to handle. It's at it's peak from around 4 pm to 8.30 pm. Basically we are using food in order to replace something else that we are craving (like comfort, affection, sex, love etc) or to handle stress, anxiety. Our subconscious mind believes that if we stuff ourselves with junk food it can replace our depression, loneliness etc. Well, we know it can't. But it's not easy to give up.
Here's what I have been trying in the evenings. The minute I get up from work and move to the snack shelf to munch I stop myself and ask "Wait! Am I really hungry? Is my stomach REALLY empty. It's not." If I stay with this thought I tend not to binge.
I think you are trying to seek what we call comfort food which will give you NO comfort. Try to develop a thought process like - "No. It's not food time now. Let's sleep. We will have a really great breakfast 1st thing in the morn" Keep saying this to your inner child till it works. Have u spoken to ur therapist abt this?
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Anxiety
Aug 31, 2015 22:10:52 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Aug 31, 2015 22:10:52 GMT -8
Thank you for replay MV. You are absolutely right, to say , that I use food as a comfort. I do use food for comfort, self harm . I haven't got a therapist yet, it's long way , but I joined 12 steps fellowship for that. I do snack a lot after work, and usually bread, cheese , or smth fattening . I remember being called pregnant few times . It's reality frustrated.. Oh about being pregnant ,. Few weeks back I went in hospital and they said : congratulations ! That was shocking , but it turned out negative after more test. But that would have been great escape for my food addiction and love addiction too, to concentrate on baby.. Pheww I am not. I haven't overate for few evenings now , I just don't like cooking , .. Very rare. On the positive side I don't have a partner and I can cook whatever I choose for kids, so I can have take aways or smaller meals to cook ! Have a lovely day MV.x
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Post by leahb on Sept 16, 2015 19:08:15 GMT -8
So anxiety came up again today. I just feel so nervous about my job interview tomorrow and I'm also nervous about things I'm not even sure about. I'm afraid that my relationship isn't going to work with this great guy-and I really have nothing to worry about. He is going through a lengthy divorce, but other than that things are going well. I think I'm just paranoid about things. I've never been in an adult relationship before and it scares me. Im also worried that I am putting way too much emphasis on this relationship instead of on me and my recovery. Im still on These boards multiple times/day plus going to therapy every 2 weeks which helps. I still journal as well. Maybe it's the fact that I'm really not all that far into my recovery and I'm worried that getting a job will somehow have a negative impact on my recovery or on my life in general. I've enjoyed being active and sleeping 7 hrs per night and doing fun courses and meeting up with friends when I want to. Now I have to cut way down. anyway, I'm rambling and I need to get to sleep. Just needed to vent about my anxiety is all. I'm still so afraid of abadonment. Which is also a big part of the reason why I'm anxious.
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Anxiety
Sept 17, 2015 22:00:16 GMT -8
Post by moonlitvein on Sept 17, 2015 22:00:16 GMT -8
I think the interview jitter is normal. Anyone in your place will have it too. You'll do fine & it'll go great. Hold your ground even if it gets difficult. I am also in this site multiple times a day, but my work has started, so I am now trying to divide my time. I think eventually it's about the balance. And staying in the moment instead of the uncertain future (hardest thing to do!) It's gonna work out fine Leah BOL
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Anxiety
Sept 17, 2015 22:16:36 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by ~w~ on Sept 17, 2015 22:16:36 GMT -8
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