|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 5, 2015 13:43:34 GMT -8
Hi I do feel very lonely being single, it's just 3 month without qualifier , and I don't know what to do with myself.. So I binge, watch TV, read, sleep , sometimes clean , just to stop thinking .
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 5, 2015 13:44:49 GMT -8
How I meant to enjoy loneliness? I like being alone maybe more than being with people. But there is no balance.
|
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 5, 2015 15:40:32 GMT -8
Hi I do feel very lonely being single, it's just 3 month without qualifier , and I don't know what to do with myself.. So I binge, watch TV, read, sleep , sometimes clean , just to stop thinking . They say in AA that addicts are terrified of boredom. So we must get used to it. I did several things in early recovery. I made friends at AA meetings and went out for coffee a lot. I went to a meeting everyday. I started to teach myself how to create a website. I started walking. I went back to school. I started writing in my journal and this led to my book. I joined committees. I joined a service organization and took AA into the prisons. . . . There is no excuse for being bored. There is a big beautiful world out there. |
|
|
|
Post by moonlitvein on Sept 5, 2015 23:25:31 GMT -8
Hi I do feel very lonely being single, it's just 3 month without qualifier , and I don't know what to do with myself.. So I binge, watch TV, read, sleep , sometimes clean , just to stop thinking . Hi, Remember I suggested that you try to make a list of things u like? There has to be something. Just try. Try to sit and think what u like. then scribble the list. It maybe just 2 things or 1 but it's a start. 1. Watching TV (This is totally ok if you are doing it the whole day & if you are watching something good - Good sitcom, National Geographic, Discovery, BBC, TLC etc) 2. Reading (this is good. Go for good books but not romance. Apart from self help, try short stories, detective stories, children stories if you like) 3. Cleaning - this is necessary & good too. I generally try to put music on and clean. Sometimes I dance and clean. It's therapeutic. But to keep the balance, why not get over the feeling that people don't want you & go for a movie or a chat at a friends place till you figure out more. |
|
Babysteps
Junior Member
I will beat this addiction-I will learn to love and accept myself exactly as I am-I will be free :)
Posts: 58 
|
Post by Babysteps on Sept 6, 2015 0:01:49 GMT -8
Interesting thread. I can understand how you feel ~w~I keep my myself busy, walking, yoga, cyciling, reading, write in my journal, working etc etc yet I suffer from extreme loneliness. A lot of these activites are usually on my own and even if I attend a fitness class or something with 20 others I still feel lonely as I am not the kind of person who talks easily to people. This is something I need to somehow be ok with. I love having people around me. Yet unless it is me making the effort this usually doesn't happen. I seem to give the impression that I am ok being on my own...and this is not the case. I enjoy having people around me but I just dont know how to make it happen. I have close friends and moved country to be nearer to my family to try and combat this. It has helped in someways and they know how I feel. However having spent the first night in my new home I woke up this morning nervous for the future. I know I am in a different place now, nonetheless anything could change and unless I am comfortable in my own skin and love who I am, I will always have this tug of war inside of me. |
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Sept 6, 2015 4:16:52 GMT -8
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 6, 2015 10:54:08 GMT -8
I appretiate all off the suggestions and opinions.
Yesterday and today I actually wasn't bored , because I did the following
- had nice bath
- got to online meeting
- decorated the house ( wallpaper , painting ), that took for ages
- went to shop to order laminate and carpet , thnkx to my ex , financial help
- phone 2 recovery friends and had a good cry because of anxiety I was having. Because I am not very good at DIY . It's imperfect and I am upset about it.
- ask someone for help with my imperfect job I did.
- in the afternoon just watching comedy and having a good laugh .
I got offer for birthday party to my friends next week, but I rather stay indoors ( avoidance kicking in)
I love to go to meetings every day! I love all off them. But I cannot in the evening I am with children , an d it's very rare when I have weekends without them, I haven't got where to leave them.
I have to make balance. Recovery- kids- work- school- decorating- socialising ( not existing right now).
My goals would be:
- decorate house , Finnish painting
- have to find cheap curtain rails , curtains,
- find Wardroabes for us
- sort the dinning table , very small space
- finishing touches - mirrors, shelvings
Don't forget I am 1 person doing all this. Plus manage being mum, working .
Work on my step 3 . Do my homework for it.
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 7, 2015 22:04:27 GMT -8
I have this big fear inside me today, yesterday I had a good cry ( my daughter starred crying at school , after she left ) I cryed uncontrolly for 2 hours... I cannot go to meetings right now , house is my priority . I am nuts at this job and I struggle finacially.. This fear that smhy bad can happen is inside me ( again had pain this night ), forgot to ring for appintment yesterday , and after was busy painting ...
On wendsday I promised to go to new felowship, sexual Abuse .. Don't want to go, I have severe reactions when I think about that ( stomach ache ) .
|
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 8, 2015 8:14:18 GMT -8
I have this big fear inside me today, yesterday I had a good cry ( my daughter starred crying at school , after she left ) I cryed uncontrolly for 2 hours... I cannot go to meetings right now , house is my priority . I am nuts at this job and I struggle finacially.. This fear that smhy bad can happen is inside me ( again had pain this night ), forgot to ring for appintment yesterday , and after was busy painting ...
(Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who run With the Wolves.) Tears are a river that take you somewhere. Weeping creates a river around the boat that carries your soul life. Tears lift your boat off the rocks, off the dry ground, carrying it down river to someplace new, someplace better. There are oceans of tears men and women have never cried, for they have been trained to carry mother’s and father’s secrets to the grave. Crying has been considered quite dangerous, for it loosens the locks and bolts on the secrets she bears. But in truth, for the sake of our wild soul, it is better to cry. Tears are the beginning of initiation into the Scar Clan, that timeless tribe of men and women of all colors, all nations, all languages, who down through the ages have lived through a great something, and yet who stood proud.
  Feel free to skip the in-depth introduction and go to the fabulous stories. |
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 9, 2015 4:42:41 GMT -8
Wau that's wonderful answer, you know I starred this book but I felt very difficult to read , .. Thank you for that x
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Sept 17, 2015 22:21:02 GMT -8
For the past 3 days poa ( again) keeps contacting me. So I digged deeper . Why I want this enmeshment ( only physical ) so badly , can't sleep exct.
What I found is - the longing of dad . I wanted to have dad soo bad in my childhood but it didn't happen. What can I do about it? How to find the balance in recovery ?
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Oct 2, 2015 23:52:45 GMT -8
I got in touch with my dad after haven't seen him for long time. I stayed with him while I held my driving licence . It was ok. I was with my boy. He baby sitted.
After I left the contact stopped . And once I contacted him, he said , I gain a weight . That's not what I wanted to hear . So I Finnish conversation and haven't really bothered to keep in touch . The way he writes msg is like I own him smth. I don't . I think he wouldn't hesitate to ask for money .
I am working steps and I am on the step4 . Very painfull stuff : abandonment , abuse ..
Big hug to you vivi .
I choose unavailible , abusive ppl same as my dad/ stepdad. X
|
|
|
|
Post by leahb on Oct 8, 2015 12:46:51 GMT -8
Hi Ladies,
When I read your stories/experiences I can relate. Though my father was around for my childhood and my parents are still together to this day, it was a childhood full of fear and abandonment. They were chasing the dream of "having it all" and were never available. They worked and were busy all the time. When they were physically present, they were checked out either via TV or via drink. My mother's love was conditional on you doing what she asked, and if you did everything she asked, you were worthy of love and belonging. She was a tyrant. Berating everyone else for not being as smart or as thin as her. In fact, when I was going through my divorce the mixed messages from her were too much. "How did you not see this?! Everyone knew he was wrong for you." To even this new guy I was dating. "You're a rebound. Can't you see that?". To top it all off, she's been smoking since she was 17. She smoked in the house to boot. My brother was diagnosed with childhood cancer and later on asthma. Do you think she stopped smoking in the house? No. Just before I left home, I had severe autoimmune issues that were exacerbated by smoke. She still smoked in the house. Both my brother and I suffered ill physical, emotional and mental health because of her carelessness, disregard and tyranny. My father was just as guilty for being a complete pushover-never standing up for anything. I told my mother a long time ago that if she ended up very sick from some complication related to her smoking, I would not be there to help her. And worse, if my non-smoking father passed away from some smoking-related cause, I would never speak to her again. Sometimes I still feel this way. Such rage for this woman. Honestly, my mom should never have had children.
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Oct 16, 2015 15:04:54 GMT -8
I glad she Had You , I love your comments !!! X
|
|
|
|
Post by leahb on Oct 16, 2015 15:07:42 GMT -8
Your post made me giggle. I still have a lot of anger. I was hoping I was making a dent in it, but I feel like I've made no dent at all. That's okay though. Tomorrow is another day. Thanks for the support Waterlili  |
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Oct 16, 2015 15:24:39 GMT -8
Haha you helped me so much with your insitfull comments , support . That's it's the best gift for me! I am very glad she had you loool . I do .
|
|
