southernbelle
Junior Member
Recovery is scary, but so is remaining exactly the same.
Posts: 74
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Post by southernbelle on Sept 21, 2015 9:39:43 GMT -8
Sometimes working/having your husband as your supervisor has it's benefits and then sometimes I down right can not stand it. We have had issues keeping a separate boundary in our work relationship and our marriage. I am supposed to be attending a seminar tomorrow for work, and my husband sent me a message telling me to not flirt with anyone, dress down, behave myself and to not make it a bad thing, don't get all fixed up and don't let my addiction win again. I know in his mind he thinks he is being helpful, but to me it came as very controlling and hurtful. Yes, I have a love addiction, but I don't need him telling me how to dress or behave. I feel like I should address this, but I don't know how to do it? Or should I just let it go? Maybe I am over reacting. Any input would be appreciated!
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 21, 2015 11:34:41 GMT -8
I don't think you're overreacting. I think what he said was insensitive and that you have every right to discuss it with him. Heck, if you weren't married, this would be completely inappropriate. That being said, the more "drama" and anger you bring to the discussion, the worse. I would suggest "pretending" that he is your boss and with all due respect ask if you two can find time to discuss this. One of the best methods of conversation I learned, especially when you want to blame someone for something you believe they did wrong, is to talk about it from a personal feeling perspective:
When you said this, it made me feel this way... And, I know you mean well, but, my feelings were hurt when you said this...
I (personally) would also add, what you said was not "professional" and I expect to be treated professionally.
Period.
Good luck!
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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 21, 2015 23:44:42 GMT -8
Hi southernbelle, I am sorry to know that your husband seems to have that manipulative tendency. This is really hard. (I feel for you, because I am currently mentoring a wife with a husband like yours.) What he's telling you here is just the surface of the real issue; underneath is a deep-seated issue that requires more than a simple communication with him. (Although I agree with the helpful advice of LovelyJune. Indeed, it is a part of an effective communication.) You need to discuss with him not only what you are feeling about this issue. Ask him also what is the purpose of saying those things to you. (What made him say that.) Listen to him like a best friend whom he can freely talk without judgment. Discuss about each other's expectations, set a clear boundary, etc. Otherwise, this will go on and on unless you go to the real issue between u and him. He is manifesting lack of trust or confidence and a lot of insecurities. And this could cause a blow to your self-esteem too. So set an appointment with him when you could discuss things openly. Both of you need to have a regular, ongoing open-communication line. Before you start the "meeting", each of you can set some rules such as, "no name-calling", etc... Keep us posted. You are not alone. We are here for you.
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barbed wire heart
Junior Member
Technical Support Moderator
2017.....Im ready
Posts: 71
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Post by barbed wire heart on Oct 1, 2015 1:30:47 GMT -8
Sometimes working/having your husband as your supervisor has it's benefits and then sometimes I down right can not stand it. We have had issues keeping a separate boundary in our work relationship and our marriage. I am supposed to be attending a seminar tomorrow for work, and my husband sent me a message telling me to not flirt with anyone, dress down, behave myself and to not make it a bad thing, don't get all fixed up and don't let my addiction win again. I know in his mind he thinks he is being helpful, but to me it came as very controlling and hurtful. Yes, I have a love addiction, but I don't need him telling me how to dress or behave. I feel like I should address this, but I don't know how to do it? Or should I just let it go? Maybe I am over reacting. Any input would be appreciated! If you really think he says these things out of goodness, then maybe, I would address every third comment. Tell him you are aware that he means well but, that you are focused on what your responsibilities are. In the end, who care what he says, try to ignore him. Hope this helps/makes sense.
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southernbelle
Junior Member
Recovery is scary, but so is remaining exactly the same.
Posts: 74
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Post by southernbelle on Oct 1, 2015 11:07:17 GMT -8
I still haven't said anything to him about, just decided to let it go. I know no matter what I say his opinion will not change about me, only my actions will. Thank you all for your support and advice!!
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