Post by jenin on Sept 30, 2015 15:32:48 GMT -8
Hi all.. I decided to share what I'm going through and may be take some advise from you cause I can't share it with people that know. I'm too ashamed for that..
After having depressions for years and unsuccesful, addicted and destructive relationships, I realized that I'm a love addict. I started to read more about love addiction and analyzed my relationships for last 12 years,, All of them has the same cycle.. In the beginning I connect with the romantic partner too fast, start to fantasize about being with the person all the time and feeling completed.. I start to build all my life around the person very quickly and loose myself.. I have a hue abandonment fear inside me.. After a short time my partner realize my unhealthy attachment and the relationship doesn't work.. Than the painful withdrawal period start for me.. I feel obsessed with the person, can't work, can't eat, obsessively check if he send message.. I feel physical pain and headaches and feel humiliated.. I feel so worthless and unlovable.. After a while I find someone else I start to obsess with the new partner.. And the same cycle happens... It's unbelievably painfull to have the same cycle as long as I know myself..
Somewhere I read that love addicts have histories of abandonment in their family and mostly one of the parent is love avoident.. I didn't get abandoned when I was child.. But all my childhood I felt that my father was never there for me.. He never really hugged me or show his love. He was never that interested about whats going on in my life and never knew my friends names.. He never really listened me.. He was a guy that watches TV all the time and doesn't have any kind of communication.. He never protected me when something happened and I was feeling so desperate and worthless.. I was loking for love and approval outside all the time.. My aim is not blaming someone because of my situation right now.. I'm just trying to analyse and see what went wrong when I was child ad I stuck in an unhealthy and painfull cycle.. I think for breaking this cycle I need to find what went wrong in the first place..
Do you think this love addiction is related to my history with my father?.. I really need some advise about how to break this cycle by myself.. I need hope and I need to know that someone hear me..
