|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 18, 2015 13:27:47 GMT -8
Codependent No More
The most common reason men and women accept abuse
is because they are codependent.
Attachments:
|
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 18, 2015 13:29:04 GMT -8
I was lonely in 1967, so I married the first man who proposed. He started beating me right away. He went to prison and when he got out, I asked him for a divorce. He calmly locked the door of our apartment and beat my face with a wine bottle. He kept saying, "Why do you make me do this to you? You know you still love me." I knew I needed to go to the emergency room, but when I asked he put a knife to my throat. He kept me hostage for three days. I kept defying him. Finally, in exhaustion I agreed to stay with him." I then said I needed to go to the store to by food. While I was gone I called my mother. I should have called the police but I was codependent and we don't do things like that. Heaven forbid he suffer in prison. My ex-husband talked to my mother and told her if she bought him a car to put his things in he would leave. She did and he left. For the next 6 months he came by once a week and crashed though my door asking me when I was going to take him back. The beatings continued until he met another codependent and lost interest. I understand everything there is to know about domestic violence including how we end up in such circumstances. The best book on the subject is by Leonor Walker. She is the one who got the courts to consider "increased tolerance" as a legal excuse for assault on a batterer. Before this the jury was not allowed to hear about the battering the defendants suffered before she hurt someone to gain her freedom. Ms. Walker got the courts to accept self-defense as a mitigating circumstance. Attachments:
|
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Oct 18, 2015 18:38:50 GMT -8
I can relate to all of your paragraphs it was me, I ve done it . Only one changed , the physical violence to my body from my abuser - my last ex . A year ago. When I had anxiety attack , because I found out he is a Cheater ( which he said I overreacted ,, my fault ), my body was shaking ! Fear of death when I know I will eventually have to leave this relationship and possibility! Very high of suicidle ; because after kids dad ( 5-4 years ago) physical abuse I made a promise in sober mind- I'll always leave an abuser . Once I make promise I commit to that , despite my addiction. Not always success but I try .. So when he pulled ( last ex) my hair , when he was in angry state . , I remember my promise ( I tried to shut it down sooo bad !!for another relapse - and only ? His physical violence act : snatched the doors / In rented accommodation in front of my eyes,, kids heard it - he lied why he done that..
And in new house ( permanent !! ) he snatched my bin with his leg - broked it .. I just brought it .. And man , I struggled with money ...
Because knowing his history ( he told me all - cruel monstrous father ) I said clearly in my mind , while still in early contact with him .. Only online dating site -- I said in my head this man has an anger issues , so I shouldn't have relationships with him !reddd Flagg . After a month he was living with me, I needed him to repeated my dads abuse to my mother and me
|
|
|
|
Post by loveellen on Nov 1, 2015 5:05:41 GMT -8
In 1969, when I was abused, the worst days were the days I got my welfare check. My abuser wanted it. I used to sit on the porch and wait for the mail man. When the check came, I quickly paid the rent and bought some food and then went home to another beating.
I can't say enough about Lenore Walker's idea of "increased tolerance." I was so shocked when it first started, but eventually I just had coffee with my other abused friends the next day and we compared notes. I was numb, but as I said in my other post it got even worse than that because I am a Borderline. Before we created the term love addict, we were all considered Borderlines.
Talking on this level is making it hard to breathe. I hope it helps somebody..
tears ...............
|
|
|
|
Post by AliMeows on Oct 5, 2016 5:24:26 GMT -8
I can very much relate. I have been in one abusive relationship after another. Only a few men I've had relationships with in my entire 36 years have not been physically abusive. I told myself as a child I would never put my kids through the abuse I witnessed and was subjected to by my alcoholic father and I have managed to find the strength to escape every abusive relationship I was in but I continue to attract men who abuse me. I am tired of running away. In my current relationship I put up with the abuse and even went to the extent of telling the police I made it all up so they would reverse a restraining order they put in place, because I have gotten to the point of almost expecting that this will happen and telling myself "all men are not a very nice persons, I just have to find an not a very nice person I can live with". I cant imagine having daughters and teaching them this distorted way of thinking.... Something is very wrong with our society that we accept this and continue to raise children who end up as adults like me because we are so damaged from our childhood abusers. The Domestic Violence counseling programs mandated for abusers are a joke. There needs to be more outreach and incentives for VICTIMS to seek real substantial help when abuse is brought to the attention of authorities. It is very hard for someone like me to find the help I need when I feel so much shame and embarrassment and when it feels like no one really cares and when I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for my children. The focus is on punishing the abuser financially and not actually breaking the cycle of abuse.
|
|
|
|
Post by kissers on Jul 30, 2019 15:12:26 GMT -8
I was beaten and robbed for two years by someone. My gut told me something was strange about him the moment I saw him, but he somehow hooked me into feeling sorry for him. The abuse escalated rapidly. I would give him my money and he would reject me like I was defective. I don't know how it happened. I look back now and felt like I was under some kind of spell. There's no way in this world would I ever be attracted to him. I don't know how he did it. I still get suicidal at times from what he did to me. It brought up a lot of my past and how mistreated I allowed myself to be. I'm in a very dark place and is a very precarious position which is not good at all.
|
|
