Feeling so Mad

Yes-they would!

Yeah-I don't know why I feel this way. I know I will be okay-regardless of what happens. I know that. but it's hard being alone sometimes. It's just tough is all

Single and lovin it....most days anyway.

I hear you about the part where others think it would be good for you to date / or be in a relationship. But that's "others" Let them have their opinions. Only you know best what is right for you.

I tried dating a bit a few months back but it didn't go well. Well actually....I guess it wasn't really all that bad....because I learned a little more about myself and I caught myself before I let it go too far. It just didn't feel good and I really wasn't ready. I was only trying it because well meaning friends and family members thought it was a good idea and it was "time"
I let myself go down that road because of the loneliness I was feeling. I was really feeling sad and lonely a lot of the time. But dating was definitely not the answer.

Since that time I have taken to really trying hard to get my financial house in order....to take back control in my life and get back in the drivers seat. It feels d**n good I must say. Doesn't mean I don't get lonely....but those days don't bring me down quite as much as they were. I'm sure there will be more of them on the horizon (the sad and lonely days that is) But I feel much more in control of my life these days and I am so grateful for it.

Yoga yoga yoga....taking care of you / your health / finances / friends (good ones)....being kind and good to yourself....and to the people who you find most difficult to be with. Think good thoughts for them....about them...it can only bring goodness to you in return. Have a great day

Great idea!
When I began my recovery, it was so slow in the beginning. Push / pull much of the time. In and out of recovery...on and off with the POA for the longest time. But all the while getting stronger.
I had to take a BIG step back and really start to be good to myself. To not drive myself so hard in everything that I did, and to start to celebrate me and my life and accomplishments....on a daily basis. Something I had never done before in my life.
My finances suffered big time! But....it had to be done. Now I feel so much more in control and better able to handle my finances and my financial future. For me this is a huge part of feeling secure and my self esteem. Its not where all of my self esteem comes from, but it definitely plays a big role.

HI Leah.
I am so sorry to hear you are not feeling good..in the emotional sense. Anger is something that I always feel is knd of a good thing in a way it is like depression with attitude. It is you wanting to change things rather than give up. Sure there are lots of couples out there, lots of happy married ones but more actuially semi content bored or miserable ones putting up with things they don't want to so they can hide behind the comfort of having that façade of perfect to cover themselves under.

I too wanted to end up with a guy I dated who had money and would "take care of me" or so my Cinderella love addict thought. The realisty is you are far too independent to want to be dependent upon anyone for financial secureity , ever. That leaves you open for having them critique you say your lazy not independent enough, sure you may feel financially supported but would buying those nice gloves or treating your self to those massages feel as good if they were handed to you by someone else and you never had your own money that you earned? Whenever I get into that feeling like I want someone to take care of me I stop myself because I know that is not what I really want deep down. What I really want is to feel safe and stress free. BUt being taken care of financially by someone else is not always stress free or safe..it is you depending upon that person for dear life or the life as you know if is gone if they are not happy with you. It is the closest thing to being a child you can get. You d not want that. You want your independence which makes confidence grow and helps you strive to be happy and free.

It is hard to ba alone ..a lot of the time..but sometimes being with someone is harder. WE make up stories about other peoples lives esp from facebook. I know one couple who looked so happy taking trips all over the worls, I ended up hearing that one of them got diagnosed with cancer and was dying, that's why they were taking the trips, it was not as it seemed on facebook and they were terribly stressed out and sad..facebook made them look happy and full or passion for life..crazy how our mind also feeds into that false perception just to torture us. Be aware of how your mind is being the dtoxics advocate and wanting you to feel stuck or see thigns a certain way sometimes. If you see the realist you may actually sometimes feel grateful you have time to yourself don't have 5 kids and a husband who comes home wanting dinner who flirts with other women and takes you for granted or argues with you every chance he gets. You would realize life is never perfect for anyone. Even if in a relationship.

I think you do make the most of life and you appreciate nature and the small tings and your progress, keep that up, keep your strength. I admire you and you should admire yourself. It takes a stronger woman to really look at your life with a magnifying glass and work on it. not many people actually do that, they prefer to walk it with a haze and escape with fantasy, hiding behind relationships and alcohol or whatever else helps a person as a crutch.

You have been really living, with all of your sense, the good the highs the lows the bad the ugly, but you are living it fully. Once your jobs starts I think you will feel more directed and have a feeling of purpose. It will help you financially and you will feel stronger ..I think having too much time can actually make anyone go a bit crazy after a while, after you have accomplished all you have. Let us know how youa re doing and I am so impressed with your strength and courage to live bravely!