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Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 30, 2015 12:12:17 GMT -8
During withdrawal, we experience age regression. Not memories, more like a time machine. Sometimes you are taken all the way to infancy so I want you to see what you probably did not get in infancy if you are a love addict.
Clients always tell me that they had perfect parents and yet they have all the symptoms of love addiction.
Yes, shame, neglect, abuse and abandonment are the root of the problem. But most of all it is the mood of the primary caretaker. Children are very sensitive to parents' anxiety, depression and lack of eye contact. I call this mom sad; me bad.
Once I saw a video of a woman holding a rag doll. At least I thought it was a rag doll until they gave the woman electric shock therapy. The woman came alive and so the rag doll which was actually her baby.
Here is a video that explains what children go through . . . it breaks my heart.
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Post by viking2016 on Dec 16, 2015 12:29:46 GMT -8
Wow - amazing video. Thank you for sharing
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Post by denverdignity on Dec 17, 2015 6:53:25 GMT -8
Lately I have felt my inner child coming out and she is raging, she wants attaention, she wants love..I am trying to soothe her and love her but it does not seem enough, she wants to be out of my body and belong to someone else . I feel I failed her. I have not always been a bad adult to my inner child but nothing seems to pacify her and together adult inner child are feeling angry with everyone elses happy news and sad about holidays when we want to feel happy, and just pain depressed with a tinge or anger.
I feel like I have been cycling with this after every break up and each break up feels more like doom. I feel too old to be single and am unhappy within no matter how much I put a good face on for the world . My inner child is saying why cant it go smoothly for meeee for once, why not meee. Life has seemed to give little reason for enthusiasm and makes both the adult and inner child want to both hug each other in a ball in bed. I don't know how to treat my inner child when my adult hurts so much it can only try to pacify but cannot fix the inner pain or its own. They both almost just want to die if it didn't hurt others,but knows that is not an option.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2015 7:11:25 GMT -8
I'm sorry your feeling bad,
Are you feeling like this because Christmas is looming? I always dread Christmas as my children are nearly grown up and even as a child my Christmas never measured up to what you see on TV (fantasy world).
I too struggle with the feeling I'm too old to be single - why didn't I get into recovery years ago and maybe I'd have a healthy guy right now
But
I would of felt this way no matter what age I'd of started recovery.
Im actually pleased I'm single right now, no wondering if I'm good/pleasing/sexy enough or too old/fat/thin, I'd rather be single than feeling less than and when I do start dating MY standards will be high.
X
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Post by leahb on Dec 17, 2015 18:21:05 GMT -8
Hi Denverdignity,
I feel very similar to how you feel. It's so hard being lonely and feeling like you don't want to get out of bed. I'm hearing that you feel like every time a relationship doesn't work out you just feel worse. Like-worse than the last time. I have to say I have felt this too. Deeply.
My therapist brought something up today that was eye opening. She talked a bit about optimism. She asked me what role my optimism played in my relationships with men. I realized that by seeing things as better than they actually were and only seeing the good in people I ignored some big red flags and caused myself a lot of pain. I'm not sure if this is what you do or not, but a big strategy I've recently learned is to look at my strengths and all aspects of my personality and see the shadowy parts of my "good" traits like being optimistic can have a negative impact on my experience. Another one was that inhighly value my body/looks and ensure I have makeup on before I leave the house and that i go to the gym regularly. This may attract partners to me that are only interested in my body and not Anything else.
This is just a suggestion. I hole you feel a bit better and take loving care of yourself. You are not alone.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 8, 2016 23:33:38 GMT -8
Hi Denverdignity, I feel very similar to how you feel. It's so hard being lonely and feeling like you don't want to get out of bed. I'm hearing that you feel like every time a relationship doesn't work out you just feel worse. Like-worse than the last time. I have to say I have felt this too. Deeply. My therapist brought something up today that was eye opening. She talked a bit about optimism. She asked me what role my optimism played in my relationships with men. I realized that by seeing things as better than they actually were and only seeing the good in people I ignored some big red flags and caused myself a lot of pain. I'm not sure if this is what you do or not, but a big strategy I've recently learned is to look at my strengths and all aspects of my personality and see the shadowy parts of my "good" traits like being optimistic can have a negative impact on my experience. Another one was that inhighly value my body/looks and ensure I have makeup on before I leave the house and that i go to the gym regularly. This may attract partners to me that are only interested in my body and not Anything else. This is just a suggestion. I hole you feel a bit better and take loving care of yourself. You are not alone. Oh my goodness leahb I can relate to this. I feel like most men focus on my body and not my other things to offer. Sometimes I will put on weight because I know the comments and men approaching will . I am losing weight and the comments from men now are making me scared, because I have abuse flashbacks so I see these men as a potential abuser. The awareness in itself causes me a lot of distress. |
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Post by lotuspeony on Mar 11, 2017 13:26:37 GMT -8
Totally have this. The infantile pain, the abandonment pain . The terror. I feel like a young child terrified and alone in the world. It's been over a month now that I have been in this state and it is horrendous. How can one move past this state? This is something I've been dealing with my whole life (I'm 34), not being able to overcome my fears and "be" in the world.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Mar 14, 2017 9:37:02 GMT -8
Totally have this. The infantile pain, the abandonment pain . The terror. I feel like a young child terrified and alone in the world. It's been over a month now that I have been in this state and it is horrendous. How can one move past this state? This is something I've been dealing with my whole life (I'm 34), not being able to overcome my fears and "be" in the world. Because I have PTSD I still do this, but it happens less often as I try to live in the moment. I just go with the flow and stay optimistic. |
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