mia21
New Member
Posts: 13 
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Post by mia21 on Dec 10, 2015 23:19:09 GMT -8
I am still in love with a guy 20 yrs later even though he has moved on after 2 yrs. I don't want to pursue any love interest with him.But the pain is awful. I wanted to know how long the pain exists? I am not someone who jumps into relationships for love.This is the only one relationship I fell into.I am married to someone else but I don't love my partner like that. I do know the person is not so good for me but I can't get rid of the pain.Am I a love addict if I don't fall in love often and can't let go of one person,my first love?? Please someone guide me.I am so confused. |
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Post by paisley on Dec 11, 2015 7:33:00 GMT -8
Pining over an unavailable person is usually a clue that you're avoiding the real issues in your life. You say you don't love you husband "like that", but what does that mean? You may need to re-evaluate what love means to you. Pining, obsessing and hoping to be with someone who is unavailable to you is not love.
I'd look at what's going on in your marriage and determine whether you're in a loving and fulfilling relationship with your husband. If not, that's likely what you're avoiding.
When I pined (for decades) over men who were not a part of my life, it allowed me to avoid looking at my marriage which was mostly unfulfilling, as I was with a man who was not a good match for me. Only in the final year of my marriage did I start to work on my issues, and my marriage, but by then it was past the point of repair. Ending my marriage then forced me to face my issues head on. I tried to use men to avoid living my life and feeling pain I'd stuffed down since childhood, but found that lifestyle to be unsustainable (actually quite deadly) so it had to stop.
I think the key is figuring out what you're avoiding.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 11, 2015 12:52:08 GMT -8
I am still in love with a guy 20 yrs later even though he has moved on after 2 yrs. quote]
You are a Torchbearer. Unlike OLA's you accumulate lost loves rather than fall in and out of love. I am a Torchbearer. I still love my PoA from high school. We met at the 20 year high school reunion and dated for awhile. It broke the spell until he died. If I think about David now I feel love but it is more sentiment than love and there is no pain. That is the goal of the T. No pain. Here is our forum about Torchbearers.
loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/board/99/torchbearers |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 12, 2015 9:25:32 GMT -8
I have also come to believe that this also indicates that you are an avoidant yourself or at least ambivalent. Suitable and available suitors are pushed away. Unavailable people are pursued. There is so much going on in the basement of our minds [unconscious] or subconscious if you are a Freudian.
To learn what is in the unconscious, get help from an enlightened witness to look at your dreams, flashbacks, memories and slips of the tongue about your childhood. This kind of work is called psychodynamics and takes a couple of years.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 13, 2015 4:44:56 GMT -8
The pain will last as long as you choose to hold on to it for security, to help you get through your marriage, which you don't want to be in.
Read that line again and again. Very carefully.
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