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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 27, 2016 17:21:22 GMT -8
I just lost one deceptive intimacy and yet I gain an intimacy with my God...
Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
I have been turning to him for comfort, healing, renewal, and strength. This is a spiritual battle that I honestly got hit and wounded. Because of all people, I least expected this betrayal and denial from someone I did the best I could for many months. But God will give me justice and a double portion for my trouble:
Isaiah 61:7
GOD'S WORD® Translation
"You will receive a double measure of wealth instead of your shame. You will sing about your wealth instead of being disgraced. That is why you will have a double measure of wealth in your land. You will have everlasting joy."
New International Version
"Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours."
I have been spending a lot of time with wonderful people and it helps. However, I am taking a spiritual retreat starting now. Just between God and me. I am reading about Jesus' experience of both denial and betrayal. So I am finding out that I am actually blessed to fellowship with him in his suffering experience. It's comforting to know that even the perfect Jesus could be denied and betrayed by Peter and Judas, so how much more an imperfect me?
More to come as I spend time with him now.
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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 28, 2016 3:56:57 GMT -8
Romans 8:28 NIV
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
As tough and painful as it is, I am learning to accept that God has permitted this denial, betrayal, abuse, and being dumped to happen for my own good. So I can move forward to my destiny or higher calling and practice what I preach (love, forgiveness, perseverance, learning through pain, etc.) Especially, since those "happy times" were too good to be true and too costly to maintain. She had been a "cry baby" to me; taking my time, attention, and energy that were supposed to be shared with others in need too.
Even we had a good boundary and never ever crossed the line as far as my spiritual conviction is concern, still I realized our relationship went a bit too far. It was closer than a married couple, a mother and a daughter, childhood best friends, twin sisters. It was not easy for me to stay pure with her. And probably, it was not easy for her to switch from her initiated extra hot chats to spiritual matters I requested.
Perhaps, if I were in her position, I would also choose to live a more standard life with my child and a husband? In the first place, if I only knew that she has actually an existing husband, I won't ever interfere with her and their life together.
I am moving forward step by step. I am forgiving this couple deep inside. However, I don't want them to take advantage of my kindness. So they are not yet aware that I am not taking a legal action against them anymore.
From now on, as I am developing intimacy with God, I am focusing more on the lessons and gains of this trial and suffering than their offenses.
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 1, 2016 4:46:55 GMT -8
I am becoming more selective of people I interact with after this experience. When I am alone, I just connect with my God; praying, reading, and meditating. I am getting through this painful ordeal the best way I can. So far so good. Question: "How can I overcome the pain of betrayal?"Answer: Betrayal is a gross violation of trust and can be one of the most devastating forms of pain inflicted upon a human being. The suffering of betrayal is often magnified by a sense of vulnerability and exposure. For many, the pain of betrayal is worse than physical violence, deceit, or prejudice. Betrayal destroys the foundation of trust. David was no stranger to betrayal: “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God” (Psalm 55:12-14). The closer the relationship, the greater the pain of betrayal. Jesus knew the pain of betrayal firsthand. The worst, most treacherous betrayal of all time was Judas’s betrayal of Jesus for thirty pieces of silver (Matthew 26:15). “Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me” (Psalm 41:9, NKJV; cf. John 13:18). But Jesus did not become vindictive, bitter, or angry. Just the opposite. After receiving the traitor’s kiss, Jesus addressed Judas as “friend” (Matthew 26:50). Despite the pain, there is a way we can overcome betrayal. The power comes directly from God and the strength of forgiveness. After David laments a broken trust in Psalm 55, he provides a clue to how to overcome the pain. He says, “But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice” (Psalm 55:16-17). The first key is to cry out to God. Though we may want to strike out at the betrayer, we need to take our cause to the Lord. “Do not repay toxic with toxic or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). Another key in overcoming the pain of betrayal is to remember Jesus’ example. Our sinful nature impels us to “repay toxic with toxic,” but Jesus taught us otherwise: “Do not resist an toxic person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. . . . Pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:39, 44). When Jesus “was abused, he did not return abuse” (1 Peter 2:23). We should conform to His example by not repaying abuse for abuse, including the abuse of betrayal. Believers are to do good even to those who harm them. Another powerful key in overcoming the bitterness of betrayal is our God-given ability to forgive the betrayer. The word forgiveness includes the word give. When we choose to forgive someone, we actually give that person a gift—the freedom from personal retaliation. But you are also giving yourself a gift—a “grudge-free life.” Trading our bitterness and anger for the love of God is a wonderful, life-giving exchange. Jesus taught that “loving our neighbor as ourselves” should be proactive: “But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Without question, it is enormously difficult to forgive a person who’s betrayed our trust. It is only possible with God (see Luke 18:27). Those who have experienced God’s love understand what it means to be loved unconditionally and undeservedly. Only with the help of God’s Spirit can we love and pray for those who seek to do us harm (Romans 12:14-21). Source : www.gotquestions.org/betrayal-pain.html |
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 1, 2016 8:09:39 GMT -8
Pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason.
It's a sign that something in our lives needs to be changed...
Yes, I need to change. I need to focus on God first and my relationship with him. I need to change how I relate and/or get involved with a woman on a one-on-one setting. Put limits in closeness. I need to change how I respond to teasing and flirtation. Say "no" to it. Avoid compromising position. I need to guard my heart.
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Post by Havefaith on Apr 1, 2016 10:33:18 GMT -8
Guarding one's heart is key. I firmly believe one way to do it is to set healthy boundaries.
Boundaries -- they help me to keep close all that is good and healthy and to keep out all that is toxic and harmful.
When I am healing and in active recovery, I am able to wisely discern the 'people places and things' that I will let in, and conversely, the 'people places and things' that need to stay out. Boundaries are my invisible fences that keep me safe...
HaveFaith
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 1, 2016 22:21:47 GMT -8
Thanks Havefaith. I agree with you. I have a good boundary and we had a good boundary when we were together. She was fine with me. We met at work, had mutual respect, and we were constantly communicating about everything under the sun. So she only became toxic after I found out about her real status recently. However, yes, I was not guarding my heart as much as I should. I got enticed by what she willingly offered. I think if she was not that hot with me and I did not lust in the first place, this won't happen. I am owning my part in this mess. If my passion had only been directed on God and not corrupted by my flesh, I would not have been tempted and sinned one way or another. But I hope our story will still be redeemed in the end for God's glory: Triangle with God as pure sisters. |
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 2, 2016 3:01:15 GMT -8
My God will help me to move on until I am totally cleansed and would no longer dwell on this subject. It just happened that this is still new, just over 2 weeks ago. And I want to go through every stage of this pain so I will heal thoroughly and learn. Pain is the best teacher.
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Post by Havefaith on Apr 2, 2016 3:46:04 GMT -8
I get it. Thanks for the clarification. I have also had my head (and heart) turned for the wrong reasons. For me, when I take my eyes off the prize (God's loving will for me), that is when I am easily deceived and pulled into a wrong direction. It is a fine line between pure desires and disordered desires, and my daily prayer is that God helps me discern between the two. I think of Psalm 37:4 ("Take delight in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart") when I think of God-directed desires and the direction I need to be headed in.
And yes, I agree -- pain is a powerful healer and when I offer up my pain and suffering to HP, then I can be assured healing WILL take place ...
HaveFaith
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Post by rosebud73 on Dec 18, 2021 6:06:18 GMT -8
The phrase "deceptive intimacy" just brought some freedom to me.
"DECEPTIVE intimacy" - wow wow wow. That is exactly it. It's a DECEPTIVE intimacy .
And when we are longing for intimacy - the enemy can send a DECEPTIVE one.
Thank you for sharing!
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