Post by denverdignity on May 10, 2016 11:01:38 GMT -8
I have been dating someone for a few months although due to our schedules have only seen each other one time a week but talk on the phone every night . We are not seeing other people and he seems very serious about moving forward with the relationship. I am attracted to him and when I see him find him cute and have the urge to hug him and like to be close to him and enjoy intimacy with him.
I have issues with intimacy, however, due to many different reasons, one being my love addiction. I usually am able to only maintain strong chemistry with someone who is not committed to me and who is "unavailable" or somehow out of my reach slightly ie a challenge. It spurns my hormones and makes me crave them like nothing else.
I keep questioning whether I want to continue with this person because I feel luke warm regarding the lust factor and I keep getting scared feeling a bit lackluster and avoidant about committing and wanting to be able to be "free" incase someone else comes along..any insights would be welcome if this is me or the guy is not right for me.
I keep struggling whether this is just my love addiction and there may be no healthy "soul mate" feeling for me, it may always feels a bit luke warm when in a healthy situation and I work on not being an avoidant and try to stick with things because I am treated well and it is healthy in other respects...thoughts?
I have been struggling with this a life time. Because of my background of sexual trauma (covert incest and sexualized by my mother at the tender age of 15), I only found chaotic, unavailable men intriguing. It was a nightmare. I am in continuing in intensive psychodynamic therapy to heal and also to finally appreciate my healthy, emotionally available partner.
Ex-POA is a recovering (so he says) sex and porn addict, in debt for $60,000 gambling debt (probably more), cannot maintain a relationship with a woman, borderline pedophile (likes 'em young). The "craving and chemistry" with this ex-POA was over-the-top. Hmmmm. Craving and chemistry -- he was like a drug to me. And just as unhealthy to mind, body and soul...
On the flip side -- my current partner is loving, caring, financially responsible and generous (sends me to Europe regularly to visit family, and then picks up the tab to 'surprise' me). He is handsome, fit, loved by family and friends and is completely devoted to me. He has only my best interests at heart.
I have an article for you, that I will send you via PM if you would like (it can be triggering, therefore, I won't share it openly). It is from psychcentral.com regarding this particular issue (the unhealthy attraction some of us have towards those who provide "high drama" or unrealistic, chaotic arousal). It is eye-opening and I recognized myself over and over (and from what you write, you will too). I will be sharing it with my therapist.
Let me know if you want me to share it with you.
Last Edit: May 10, 2016 14:57:23 GMT -8 by havefaith