Do you tell someone you are love addicted to them? | A Brighter Tomorrow for Love Addicts

christabel
New Member

Posts: 13

Do you tell someone you are love addicted to them? Jun 24, 2016 10:56:18 GMT -8 havefaith likes this

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Post by christabel on Jun 24, 2016 10:56:18 GMT -8

source, have you begun reading any books on love addiction? You need to do this.

Also, what would you like to get out of this forum? Would you like to recover from your addiction, create healthy boundaries, and be able to have a relationship with an available partner without isolating or avoiding?

If so, you do not need to tell these unavailable women that you are addicted to them. If you did tell them, what would you be wanting to happen?

When it's hard to think clearly, ask yourself why you are doing things or what you want to get out of an action. That will sometimes reveal to you what you're doing without even being aware of it.

I'm still recovering and learning, but that's my advice. Someone with more experience may have other opinions.
Keep coming here. Start reading books and heal.

havefaith
Elder Member

Posts: 1,797

Do you tell someone you are love addicted to them? Jun 25, 2016 5:37:40 GMT -8 terryt, Kristana, and 1 more like this

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Post by havefaith on Jun 25, 2016 5:37:40 GMT -8

All people in recovery are generally 'unavailable' -- they are hurting, vulnerable and working to heal from addiction.

Having said that, it is absolutely ok to share in meetings and be open and honest but with some limitations --

What I found, in going to 12 step meetings, was to share openly and honestly within the confines of the meetings, but not meet with anyone personally afterwards (of the opposite sex). I had several men approach me, wanting to meet afterwards for coffee, and continue sharing/opening up one-on-one. Big mistake. It was a ploy to 13th-step me, and because I was so vulnerable, I put myself in terribly inappropriate situations.

Bottom line, for me -- I do open up and share, but because of the nature of this particular addiction, open face-to-face meetings (SLAA and SAA) were too charged and dangerous for me. In fact, I stopped going to open meetings (men and women), because boundaries got blurred for me all the time. I also made the very good decision (for me) to work with a therapist through issues that were too complex to resolve on my own or in meetings (meetings can be helpful and certainly have their place in recovery, but they are not therapy).

Blessings and well wishes,

HaveFaith

Last Edit: Jun 25, 2016 7:50:18 GMT -8 by havefaith

havefaith
Elder Member

Posts: 1,797

Do you tell someone you are love addicted to them? Jun 25, 2016 11:55:01 GMT -8

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Post by havefaith on Jun 25, 2016 11:55:01 GMT -8

You (or anyone here, for that matter) do not have to leave, as long as one keeps proper boundaries in place. If we all respect boundaries, share our 'experience, strength and hope' appropriately, and have a desire to heal/recover, I believe all are welcome!

I strive for all of the above, with both the women and men who are members of this online forum. I made the decision to not attend face-to-face meetings (for the reasons I mentioned earlier), but I feel safe here, and have had no reason to feel otherwise.

Blessings to you,
HaveFaith

Last Edit: Jun 25, 2016 17:39:16 GMT -8 by havefaith