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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2016 8:57:23 GMT -8
I have also pondered my past -- and know it was not 'normal'. The chaos, volatility and covert incest led me to dark places (addiction) to hide and numb my feelings. HaveFaith There are three kinds of incest. 1. Sexual trauma including intercourse and any other sexual act. My daughter was raped at the age of 5 and her rapist damaged her female organs. As a result she could not carry a child. Her womb wound not hold the weight of a child. Thank God, after losing her first baby, she got on bed rest the next time and then has a procedure for her third child that sewed up her cervix like a turkey. Today, as a result, God has given me two beautiful granddaughters. 2. Covert incest is where there is sexual energy between the parent and the child. No body gets touched, but you are being molested all the same. 3. Emotional incest. This is where the roles are reversed. The child becomes the parent reassuring the parent. They used to call this "smothering." All of this, of course, is what leads to love avoidance. Emotional intimacy feels uncomfortable and is avoided. Sometimes this leads to sex addiction as a substitute for emotional intimacy. I call this phallic intimacy. As we are now discovering love addicts are also love avoidants. They switch from one to the other. This is why I use the term "ambivalent love addict." Check out my new book, Workbook for Love Addicts and Love Avoidants. Blesssings Susan Susan |
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Post by CodepNomore on Jul 5, 2016 3:44:42 GMT -8
Oh and I am the opposite here...I have a so-called "healthy appetite" that takes supernatural self-control to stay disciplined. In all honesty, I think if there is no consequence, I would have sex as I wanted. I had both survived a perverted pedophile and incest experience and both made me feel hot easily or lust and burn inwardly. That if it is not with my HP's help, I won't be able to survive at all and be this healthy for years. It is an amazing grace that saved me.
Thanks Susan for this excellent informations.
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 6, 2016 3:02:20 GMT -8
I tend to be slightly emotionally avoidant but physically sexually assertive. I feel as though my abuse, because it was never "called" abuse and because I learned from my mother that sex was OK and safe and not bad, as long as you protect yourself, I survived quite well. But I do tend to be more attracted to men who do not place too much of an emotional burden on me and allow me to have loads of time by myself. When I was unhealthy, this meant that I chose love avoidants, thinking they'd be safer. But the reality was, they were incapable of intimacy. Because I wasn't that "far gone," my relationships with avoidants frustrated me and left me constantly in pain feeling unfulfilled. I know now that there are healthy men and women who allow for space but are not avoidant and are capable of intimacy. It took awhile!  |
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 4, 2017 9:31:50 GMT -8
This is so true for me. I believe most love addicts are emotionally unavailable which is why we chase after unavailable people. My mother was unavailable and my father was emotionally incestuous and then abandoned me. So I have always been confused about love. In the Courage to Heal the author has a chapter for the partner of an sexually traumatized person. It applies to men also. Like Lovely June, I am married, but I need a lot of space to be alone with myself, my inner child and God. |
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Post by James C T on May 5, 2017 7:09:29 GMT -8
My relationship with my mother was emotional incest and it's been hard to digest and deal with. I disappeared for a while trying to just feel my feelings about it. I am in a better place now, but I am still grieving about myself for what happened.
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 5, 2017 14:19:24 GMT -8
My relationship with my mother was emotional incest and it's been hard to digest and deal with. I disappeared for a while trying to just feel my feelings about it. I am in a better place now, but I am still grieving about myself for what happened.
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward is good, but she is a little hard on parents. She does not have children. I am the granddaughter of an abusive parent, the daughter of an incestuous father, and the daughter of a codependent mother, and I passed all this on to my children. I am still in a codependent relationship with my son because I abandoned him and withheld affection. Now he is too emotionally dependent on me and I am working on loving him (not pushing him away) but setting healthy boundaries at the same time. This is my current recovery work. It is hard because when I got evicted I had to move into the cottage in the back of his home and he loves to crash over my boundaries. But God will God me as he has done for the past 34 years of recovery.
Susan P.
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