Post by CodepNomore on Jul 24, 2016 13:32:06 GMT -8
I thank my HP for giving me direction on where to go and what to do. In this part of my journey, I am learning from "The Entitlement Cure" (audio book). I realized it's the thing that I needed to hear and understand.
I have entitlement issues to solve. I have been acting like people owe me some kind of special treatment from time to time. I intimidated a lot of people along the way. Now, I knew that I was responsible for having had arguments w/ my former bosses, exes, and some family members. Because I demanded something from them that I was actually responsible for myself all along...
I thought I deserved to be exempted from certain tasks, meetings, protocol at work just because I am more educated and experienced than others.
I thought my family ought to suddenly abandon their commitments and prioritize me whenever I am in town. I thought my daughter would be more interested to keep my company than her same age group friends.
I thought I was entitled to receive my ex-special friend's loyalty and honesty rather than the man she married and has a lovely child with. What I was thinking? Of course, she should do what is right based on her conviction. And her husband he is who he is. I was not entitled to mind their business and behavior anymore.
More revelations to come...
Note: You may post here your own experiences and insights too. This thread is for all of us. Thank you.
Your recovery is worth the pain of your withdrawal. Remember that "the pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow." Fantasy-based relationship is a lie. Face your reality and stay well!Kind Regards to all LAA members here, - Codepnomore
How timely because I have been exploring entitlement issues in myself and others too.
This goes hand in hand with setting healthy boundaries as I've had a male friend acting entitled to getting more info from me regarding why I don't want to be with him romantically. I read an article about this that was very eye opening for me. Just because I spend time with a man doesn't make him entitled to anything further from me and NO is a complete sentence. I've had this guy hounding me for a prediction as to whether I'll EVER be interested in him after I gave him a simple no. He also wanted an accounting as to why I don't want to be with him when the NO should have been enough. Up until now, I've felt obligated to go in to these discussions which make dating and rejection messy and uncomfortable and potentially dangerous.
The same guy also accuses me of leading men on since I'm dating a guy I don't know if I'm attracted to and thus unsure as to whether there is a future. My male friend thinks the "fair" thing to do is reject this other guy ASAP. But I enjoy spending time with this other guy and getting to know him. I don't "owe" him an assessment or prediction of our future and I've avoided anything developing physically because I am unsure. I don't owe either of these guys anything.
On the flip side, I now see this was a huge factor in my issues when I place heavy expectations upon someone way too early when I'm dating. They don't owe me anything either.
I can now see that my basic wellbeing is my responsibility. My desire to have someone on my side and offer support is not unreasonable either, as long as I know it's my responsibility to meet my own needs and I can enlist help and support from my LOVED ones, meaning my platonic friends, my family and a romantic partner too if/when I ever develop that sort of relationship with a man again. If so...bonus. If not...no big deal.