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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 10, 2016 14:19:26 GMT -8
After I finished listening to that book about "Entitlement" along with other great books, I applied what I learned. One of them is to try different community and to do something new, like taking a calculated risk per week.
For a change, I went to a community I used to keep far distance away from and befriend some porn/cam girls. It's interesting what I found out and its effect on me:
They are real people like you and me. I met many but there are about two young women whom I started communicating with. Miss A, has a healthy perspective and boundaries all over. She's educated and only kisses and make love w/ her long-time, live-in partner whether on cam or personal. She priced her service/product higher than the average. While Miss B is sweet, nice, with a pleasing personality, but has a people-pleasing tendency. In cam, she does something to herself even to the point of feeling pain just to please her viewers/subscribers. She goes all the way but priced her all-out effort with so little cost. Talking about self-esteem.
This is far from where I was. I used to mingle only with either corporate or church group and avoided this kind of community. In addition, I used to check porn in the past and felt crazy about it. But now, even when I saw their samples, I don't fantasize about them. I don't enjoy watching them anymore. After I became personally aware what's going on in their lives.
I spent some significant resources to get inside this community but hopefully, I would become a better person after this. Though I am not encouraging anyone here to try it. Especially those who have sex addiction tendency. I am also careful not to get distracted nor influenced by their industry. As this is a serious matter. Many have fallen to this trap/bait. Even those who are long time known ministers of the Word. I don't want to test God and then end up with many regrets.
How about you? Have you tried new community or done something new this week/month that takes some courage? Feel free to comment or share your own experience. Thank you.
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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 12, 2016 7:22:38 GMT -8
They more or less said that they are in it for money. Hmmm...
What surprises me is how they don't put up with drama that many Love Addicts do? They quickly block or ban a person that won't comply to their terms and conditions. And yet for many of us here we are back and forth in letting a POA or an unhealthy/toxic relationship go on and on. Block and unblock. Sad.
No matter how equip we are and long in recovery, unless we put away that toxic drama, stop making excuses, and start using our recovery tools, we won't go anywhere. We'll get stuck with that insanity cycle. Either we use it or we lose it. Period.
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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 23, 2016 12:36:45 GMT -8
"Bi Visibility Day"
Note: I am not promoting bisexuality nor same sex attraction. I am not labeling myself either. This is just part of my experience that I am sharing here. For me, though, Bi sexuality is the most difficult to sustain or overcome. The battle is twice harder. You are on guard with both sexes imagine?
Anyway, I met someone online from this community and this time I'm extremely attracted. But since I know she is just a fantasy and it's impossible for us to form a real relationship, I'm not expecting anything more than just a casual exchange of chats at the most.
I like her a lot but she is not to be taken seriously or else I'll go nuts. She is perfect in appearance but her emotional state is quite erratic. It's up and down. Hot & cold. Very moody and unpredictable. And she is not true to her words when it comes to showing up. She often goes missing in action. She rarely delivers what she promises. She's consistent in being inconsistent. Well, she's still young and her emotions are just younger. Anytime, she can disappear like a bubble. So I'm preparing myself for it.
She's working in the flesh industry to support her little sibling. Since her parents have separated and left them with no support according to her story. I can sympathize with her but in a cautious manner. After I got burned helping that person who betrayed me, I made a firm boundary to help only when it is within my means and when someone has no family/relative who can help. No more taking in anyone's drama. I'm not a savior. I cannot please everybody. I have a life of my own with sets of responsibilities. I can only do so much. I get tired too. Let go and let God.
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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 26, 2016 4:49:06 GMT -8
I'm exiting this community before this month ends. I only tried it briefly and I'm convicted by God to get rid of it. It's not good for me and I don't really like it anymore. It only distracts me from my true calling in life. I'm done watching others' life unfolding instead of building my own by the grace of God.
I had used most of my resources helping others and I just got burned in the end. So after my last relationship's lesson, where I invested much only to be betrayed and denied, I intend to invest only on God's will for me. I will run the race he intended for me to finish. Minding my own business and leaving the rest to him. I don't care of losing anybody and anything along the way. Anyways, everything will go in the end except the will of God.
I am a fully equipped woman of God. I'm not a bisexual nor addicted. I am designed to love him and not to lust after women or other strangers. If I cannot be trusted/honest with little things, I cannot be trusted/honest with much. So I'm throwing away those things that are weighing me down or hindering me from fulfilling my day to day allotment from God. Thy will be done.
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Post by Havefaith on Sept 26, 2016 13:59:12 GMT -8
codep, I understand why you are leaving this community. Personally, I could never have gotten involved in it because of my past (covert incest). I am currently reading a book that was recommended by a spiritual speaker called "Pornland" written by Gail Dines, Professor and Sociologist and my heart aches for what the pornography industry has done to the women and men who get involved. Having said that, I am in no shape professionally or emotionally to enter a community such as the one you talk about. I do believe the folks who get involved in this industry desperately need professional help and they are in my daily prayers. May they find a better way to live. May they learn what you have, "Everything will go in the end except the will of God" -- I am convinced that following one's self-will can lead to a life of despair. It most certainly has to those who are in the porn/sex industry. It leads to moral, physical and spiritual destruction.
A community I have gotten involved in, is through my church group and I recently attended a retreat that was based on Galatians chapter 5. This particular chapter has become my guide in how I want to live. Nothing less will do. It truly says it all...
HaveFaith
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Post by CodepNomore on Nov 24, 2016 8:32:39 GMT -8
I agree with you Havefaith. Thanks for your effective sharing. I will be right back to post more here later. |
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Post by CodepNomore on Feb 6, 2017 6:06:34 GMT -8
This is still in its final chapter. I'm sharing her the "Good News" and encouraging her to leave her dark world/career. She said she would want to if there is job she could find that would provide for their needs. She just hopes to save enough first to buy a house.
I learned to understand her. She came from a broken family and was abandoned early in life. She suffered from abuses from her ex, etc. But again, only God can rescue her and I need to separate from her completely, especially, while she's still in it. Not because I'm more righteous than her or anything like that. For only the grace of God can save and cleanse us. But the point is she should be the one coming to the Light with me and not me joining the Darkness with her. Darkness always brings deception, corruption, destruction. Nothing good comes out of it. That's the huge difference between this flesh community and God-loving community. God's community builds up: heals, edifies, strengthens, empowers, liberates us. It's eternal. It's pure wisdom. It's purposeful and life-giving. I'm blessed to be a part of it.
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Post by CodepNomore on Feb 10, 2017 10:19:12 GMT -8
I'm so happy that by the faithfulness of my HP, He provided a way out for me from this tricky flesh community. You know, sometimes the enemy of "best" is going for "good stuff" instead, like in this case, in wanting to help others. Clearly, that boundary in joining questionable new community and in helping others must be in place. I'm just thankful that God is greater than any temptations, deceptions that come my way.
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