Day 8 of no contact. He is a mean, cruel selfish man. Why do I feel so much anxiety letting him go. Feeling really depressed. Trying not to call or message him.
Even when the guy is bad for us we feel abandoned. This guy is a projection. You are projecting your love for your father who was unavailable. When you separate you feel the same feeling you did when you dad either abandoned you and you felt abandoned during that time when you were about five and madly in love with him. Some women get stuck in this stage of development and rather than moving on to a nice man they go looking for another unavailable man who will supposedly give them the love they lost. This is a trap. This is the source of my love addiction and it almost killed me. Break the cycle. Move on from the past that lies deep in your subconscious and projects out to someone who is some subtle ways reminds you of your dan. It may be looks, or his intelligence, the sound of his voice and his scent. Just look past this and hold out for a decent man.
There may not be a simple, quick answer as to why. Wish there was. I fell for a sex/porn addict who was (is) $60,000 in gambling debt. Clearly, this man is no 'winner'. And I almost left a wonderful man (emotionally healthy and available, financially well off, and beloved by family and friends) for this deeply flawed and troubled man.
Through intense psychodynamic therapy, I did, indeed, find out why this man held an attraction for me.
Suffice to say, these types of people, whether we go through therapy or not, are clearly not 'good' for us.. In the same way heroin is not good for the drug addict, and liquor is not good for the alcoholic, certain people are not good for the Love Addict. The highs may be high, but the lows are devastating and ultimately, self-destructive.
I don't know your specific situation with this man, but I strongly suspect he is not someone who is edifying to your heart, mind and soul.
First things first -- stop using. And yes, I know -- easier said than done. But there is no other way out of the pain and destruction of addiction...
Post by imaloveaddict on Nov 25, 2016 21:33:52 GMT -8
For a long time I was seeking someone to connect with and while trying to find those people I discovered that I was just seeking out someone suffering from the same issues as myself so I would have someone to relate with. It never ended up being a good thing. The best thing I have done is gotten to know myself and be able to identify people who make me a better person, whether it be friends, family, or a SO. Find the people that make you better and get rid of the people that make you a lesser person or have a negative impact on your life. If you need to be alone for a while to figure yourself out that's fine, and when you're ready to get out into the world be aware of how people treat you. Also, don't let anyone take advantage of you during that time when you're figuring yourself out.