mia21
New Member
Posts: 13 
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Post by mia21 on Apr 16, 2017 13:42:29 GMT -8
I have a unique love story and I wanted to share it here because it is a bit different from what other love addicts stories.
My story starts in college about 20 years ago. I had never fallen in love before because I come from a strict orthodox family and wanted to practice abstinence till marriage.
one day a person tells me he likes me. I obviously don't pay attention and then again he sends me cards and stuff. I refuse. Then he became a friend and we use to talk on the phone. I keep telling him no,but inside my first love is blooming. I can't stop thinking about him but I wanted him to demonstrate that I'm the only one he'd want for life and maybe wait till I say yes to love.
At the end of the year,he tells me he has moved on. He seemed to think I had no interest and I kept a poker face even though a volcano of sadness erupted inside me and the world seemed to end. I fell into depression and slowly I realize it was all my fault.If I had wanted it,I should have said yes.But some things seemed wrong. He asked me about my financial wealth and other people said bad things about him. That's why I waited and he moved on. Then he tried to contact and talk to me a few times and I rejected.
After all these years, I am still thinking about him which I know is a classic torch bearer.But how can you mourn a relationship I did not have?? I want to think if I'm really a torchbearer? According to him I was just a girl who said no and he moved on. In my head, he is my everything and I did not even tell him that and I was not in a relationship with him. I still pine for him and the sadness is significant after a recent bout with depression.What is wrong with this picture?
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Post by ~w~ on Apr 22, 2017 0:57:19 GMT -8
Hi, your story reminds me of the fairy tale, you being cold and distant from the outside and he is showing you affection and you want him to fight for you .
Mature adults would talk about things and sort it out.
It looks like it was safer to be in you castle ...maybe I am wrong but since you show no interest once he move on, then you ,, die from love for him,,.
You are addicted to fantasy about unreal relationship and imaginary bf. You don't really know him.
I relate to that story.
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Post by blue70rose on Apr 22, 2017 11:06:02 GMT -8
I relate to this too. I was never in an actual relationship with any of my POA's, but could never move on from any of them until I met a new one to pass the torch to. The last one was most similar to your story, Mia. It is 4 and a half years since I last saw or had any contact with him. I still dream about him every once in awhile. I also don't really know him. He also liked me first, but I refused, and at the time, as I was rejecting the person I had been the most in love with in my entire life, I told myself that I know that I don't really know him for who he really is, because not only do I refuse to see it, but he refuses to be vulnerable enough to show it; and that deep down I knew that getting involved with an idealized image would be not only bad for me but enabling him to continue his unhealthy patterns.
That is one thought that helps me come to terms with the thought that I deliberately missed out on being with the person I felt most passionate about. That he is just another wounded human being, who uses narcissistic grandeur to hide from his fears. And just as I need a healthy relationship instead, with someone who loves me for who I truly am, he needs that as well, and I would've been preventing him from getting that too. So walking away was the best thing I could do for the human being underneath the ideal, whoever he is, as well as for me.
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