How do I love myself

So it has been come evident that I'm addicted to an my unrequited love. This woman probably has no idea of my feelings towards her. The thought of her knowing I like her makes me uncomfortable.

I have taught by mom that self love is selfish. In the past I have gotten better only have my nmom gaslight and bring me back down. At one I was punished for reading the Bible. If put a quote about how lovable I am my mom would tear it down and say how selfish I am for loving myself and replace it with her reality.

Where do I start. I know god loves me but it's hard as my mom would twist bible verses. Stuff spare the rod spoil the child is the Bible's permission to beat your child. The first step to is loving myself but I don't how.

Also I have experienced emotional incest my mom has made me her "spouse" and has been enmeshed. She identifies herself through me