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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 11, 2008 5:02:52 GMT -8
I came to Step 3, question 8 ("write about your newfound sense of dignity") in the Twelve Steps and I couldn't answer the question. Not that I am acting out and groveling and a mess. But there have been tiny things I've done over the past month that lead me away from feeling a sense of Dignity.
So...i am working towards building that in myself. Not sending out pointless emails. Not going to the diner. Not getting involved in this other mess that's cropped up in my life...and so on. It definitely FEELS better. But i am wondering if i just lack a sense of dignity for dignity's sake. I mean, i am good person. I don't get into much trouble! But why do i feel like i have NO dignity just because i send an email to my ex who says "let's be friends and keep in touch..."? Who always writes back etc.
I guess because i know deep down that he doesn't want me and i should just WALK AWAY. That, to me, is true dignity. So....that being said. That is my goal. No more writing emails. I mean, when someone LIKES you as a friend they write to you too. Balance.
i gotta keep talking to myself so that i GET IT.
T
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2muchpain
Full Member
Prayer Requests
Posts: 184
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Post by 2muchpain on Nov 11, 2008 11:36:16 GMT -8
"I guess because i know deep down that he doesn't want me and i should just WALK AWAY. That, to me, is true dignity."Is it possible to walk away with dignity , when you know someone does not want you after you have been groveling and being completely unattractive, jealous, mean, begging. etc? It feels too late for me to leave with any dignity at all!!! 
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 11, 2008 13:01:35 GMT -8
The nice thing about dignity is that no matter how low you have fallen...Dignity is only one step up. Dignity doesn't come to me when i reflect on my past. It comes from what i am doing with my life NOW. Stay present 2much. It is helping me if only for today!
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Post by cheri on Nov 14, 2008 19:50:49 GMT -8
For me:
dignity = slience
keep quiet among noise
Be an observer in the drama of "love story"
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Post by bungabali on Nov 18, 2008 17:20:28 GMT -8
Maintaining dignity is very important to me. It's been 50 days since I've done a Google search on the POA (which to me is another form of contact) I am very proud of myself.
I know when my ex kept calling me and trying to contact me - it just made me want to run away even farther. Now I actually have more respect for him than I ever had.
The past two years I sent an email to the POA in November or December. Won't be doing that this year.
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Post by orchidbeauty on Dec 14, 2008 10:03:39 GMT -8
One way I build dignity is by not "picking up the ball"... in the past I'd feel compelled to flirt back with a guy regardless of how inappropriate it was (married or otherwise unavailable, not even interested in him, unprofessional b/c it was a work situation, felt sexualized...)
I would respond b/c I craved the attention and because I felt like I couldn't say no. But, it always made me feel like I was giving a part of myself away. I'd justify it by saying I'm just being friendly, or I don't want to be rude. While I'd initially get a "high" from a flirtatious exchange, I'd end up feeling badly about myself. Looking back, I know that a lot of times when a guy would flirt w/me he was just getting a "hit" for himself - he had no interest in me as a person.
I don't think flirting is a bad or unhealthy thing, provided it's w/an appropriate person in an appropriate situation. It's downright fun and can be part of a healthy, romantic relationship. I still slip up and flirt back when it's not good for me. But I'm catching myself more and more, and finding that this particular drug just isn't working like it used to. It's actually a relief.
I'm learning in recovery that I have the right, and the power to CHOOSE how and with whom I'll engage myself - on my own terms that are right and healthy for me.
I feel a lot more self-respect and dignity since adopting the position of not even picking up the ball, or dropping it if I get that gut feeling that I need to let go.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 14, 2008 16:34:41 GMT -8
your post came at the right time orchid. i love the idea that i don't have to keep picking up the ball...i too grapple with feeling "obligated" to respond and there's no need.
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Post by winnie on Dec 15, 2008 10:47:51 GMT -8
I love this too. I did it for such a long time and to be honest with you it sometimes went further when really and truly I knew it would amount to no more then physical intimacey.
I realise now I do it less and less and often shun people who flirt to persistantly or enthusiastically.
w
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