jeddiamond
New Member
Author of Enlightened Marriage
Posts: 1 
|
Post by jeddiamond on Jul 5, 2017 12:28:35 GMT -8
Susan,
Thanks for offering this opportunity for men to share their experiences. This would have been so important to me when I was dealing with my own issues that prompted my writing, Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions. I hope all men who are dealing with relationship and love issues will find this helpful site and share their stories.
|
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 5, 2017 18:27:04 GMT -8
Welcome Jed:
It is an honor to have you on this site. You called me when I was a struggling, unpublished author trying to sell Xerox copies of my book Addiction to Love. You just happened to come across one of six copies and gave me a call.
I will never forget your kindness, and it encouraged me to keep on going. Now I try to pass it on to members of this board and new struggling authors.
We are both pioneers now as hundreds of people flock to treat love addicts as if they discovered this disorder yesterday. LOL But love addiction has always been with us and always will. The only thing that changes is the label we use to describe it. We have gone from co-alcoholic, to co-dependent, to love addict, to eight different kinds of love addicts, to my new term, "The Ambivalent." We are all the same. We are just looking for love and need a little help finding it. As they say in AA, "We need each other. We can't do this alone." This is why all the temperance organizations (based on religion) failed and all the therapist threw up their hands as they struggle to treat addiction.
|
|
xanther980
New Member
everywhere, always, already.
Posts: 2
|
Post by xanther980 on Jul 4, 2019 22:27:20 GMT -8
I love this post. What does ambivalent mean again? I would ask Mr. Google but i prefer to ask my comrades directly.
I'm glad that we have this thread because men suffer as well. We are slowly shedding that image and personification of strong silent type that tony soprano was so fond of (ie gary cooper?). I have not attended a meeting yet but am keeping close to fellowship. Still attending meetings at adult children and survivors of incest anonymous. I want to link these programs together so i can get most out of this organization and its wisdom.
Autistically yours,
xanther ibrahim
|
|
|
|
Post by sexlessw on Jul 5, 2019 4:03:56 GMT -8
xanther980:
I'm not a GOOGLE person (though I admit to going bonko on Google many times too many). The definition of "ambivalent" (adjective): Having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone. Now, I confess, I DID use Google for the definition.
Poor Tony Soprano! I think the "strong silent type" is a trope from books and films, ESPECIALLY Western films. Gary Cooper, the character in "The Virginian", some super heroes. The idea that men CANNOT show feelings, else they will be judged as weak or "feminine".
Good for you for reaching out and attending meetings for being an incest survivor. That had to be a difficult thing for you to do.
|
|
|
|
Post by Namaste on Jul 5, 2019 9:16:32 GMT -8
What does ambivalent mean again? From "Types of Love Addicts." loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/board/4/ambivalent-love-addictsI coined the term "ambivalent love addict" in 2004 when I wrote the literature for LAA. No one was using it back then. People understood the concept of the love addict and avoidance addict (Pia Mellody) but the concept of ambivalence was new. Since then many people have tried to take credit for it, but it is our literature and copyright protected. My workbook discusses ambivalence. When you vacillate between love addiction and avoidance you are ambivalent. You crave love when you are safe because the one you love is unavailable, but you are also afraid of love. The list of different kinds of ambivalents include the saboteur, the seductive withholder, the romance addict and torchbearers. What I now call the "ambivalent" is the most common kind of addict. Many normal people are also ambivalent. The avoidance stems from too much love by a parent, and the love addict comes from not getting enough love. I had too much love (emotional/covert incest) from my father and not enough love and attention from my mother. They were both untreated for their addictions. |
|
|
|
Post by gr8ful on Apr 4, 2020 8:13:52 GMT -8
I am a full-blown love addict and not ashamed to share that with the men I know in SLAA, ACA, and Al-Anon. I just wish there were LAA meetings here in Philadelphia because I am really suffering. I am over 32 years clean from drugs and alcohol, but sex and love addiction is a completely different beast.
|
|
RoseNadler
Moderator
Newcomer Greeter & Moderator
Posts: 1,068
|
Post by RoseNadler on Apr 4, 2020 13:57:40 GMT -8
I’m glad you’re here. I wish more men felt able to talk about these things, and to reach out for help.
|
|
|
|
Post by gr8ful on Apr 6, 2020 2:59:32 GMT -8
I’m glad you’re here. I wish more men felt able to talk about these things, and to reach out for help. Thank you, Rose. Like you and everyone else who suffers from this addiction, it has caused me immense suffering. The only way for me to transcend the suffering is to be rigorously honest about it. |
|
|
|
Post by andy1981 on Dec 5, 2021 7:21:36 GMT -8
Male love addict here. I particularly resonate with aspects of the ambivalent love addict. I can't think of a relationship I've been in that I didn't feel two ways about. I'm chronically unfulfilled in intimate relationships and the grass always looks greener somewhere else - it's crazy making. The hardest part is never knowing if the reason I feel ambivalent is because I choose the "wrong" partners or if it's something to do with me. I'm guessing it's "both and." And I rarely find men I can talk with about these experiences, or at least men that can relate to me, even in other 12-step recovery groups. There's this "be a man and commit" attitude I run into that I find really invalidating and doesn't address the issue.
|
|
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it elsewhere." Buddha
