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Post by moonlitvein on Jul 26, 2017 20:55:08 GMT -8
I don't remember "drastic" incidents like rape or molestation from my childhood. And yet when I try to think of very happy memories from my childhood I can't think of them or list them out except perhaps playing a couple of games with my father.
Pockets of memories are arising from my childhood. So I will keep a thread here about it.
I remember a tense and disciplined atmosphere in my house on a daily basis from my childhood. My mom and my grandmom used to fight a lot. Either they hated each other or my mom hated her more. It was an atmosphere of competition or more of jealousy, I feel. After her daily grocery shopping or marketing for the household my mom would be irritated when she came back home.
I used to be scared that she would snap or scream at me. I was cautious. Her irritation fell either on grandmom or on dad or on me. I can't remember if there was an equal measure by which it fell on all of us or me the most. But I remember if she would be angry with grandma dad would try to pacify the situation. I would be scared that I would do something wrong and she would scream.
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Post by moonlitvein on Jul 26, 2017 21:00:24 GMT -8
It is afternoon. Mom loved sleeping after her household chores. As a child I didn't take afternoon naps. But I used to play cautiously because I knew if she woke up because of the noise I made she would scream at me. At one point grandma would scream and call me. It would make me go cold because I knew that mom would scream at me so much coz of grandma screaming at me. I tried running to grandmas room as fast as I could so that she won't scream for me. But invariably my mom calls me from the other room and shouts at me. Her anger would be displaced at me since she couldn't shout back at her mother in law. My childhood has been marked by afternoon incidents like this.
Sometimes I would beat up my doll.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 26, 2017 21:17:19 GMT -8
This broke my heart but it also helped me. I was running from room to room trying to get away from the screams of the television. I ended up taking a bath and going to the kitchen to get on my computer. I was starting to feel sorry for myself when I read your post. It really put things in perspective for me. I really don't have it so bad. I am so happy you are hear. Let us know how we can help. Be hopeful. God really loves us and there is a brighter tomorrow.
Unity Prayer
I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness; no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady will power. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams. From Overeaters Anonymous
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Post by moonlitvein on Jul 26, 2017 21:28:43 GMT -8
Thnx for your support Susan. I am here. I will try to share my stories and recovery as much as possible with you and with others.
Best.
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Post by moonlitvein on Oct 21, 2017 8:03:59 GMT -8
When I was a child, evenings were hard for me. I remembered having a hollow feeling. I must have been about 6 or 7. I didn't know how to place my feeling at that point. I didn't know that I was feeling a nagging sadness or an oppressive boredom which I felt in the reality around me as a child. So the manifestation of this "sadness" would be nagging repetitively to my Dad or other elders "I don't like anything! I don't feel happy"
It was a plea from a child which was reprimanded. I don't remember anymore what I used to find as a solution to keep myself occupied.
Till today as an adult I continue to feel this way during some evenings (especially during the ones when I am off work or when my friends are busy and says no to a hangout, which I perceive as a rejection - I feel lonely, I cry but mostly I feel ANGRY that there is no one to give me the attention.
Till today the child within has not been able to figure out what triggers this sadness . A lot of my childhood evenings were like this. Did my LA get triggered in early adolescence in order to cope with this sense of "sadness" or "boredom"
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 21, 2017 11:05:11 GMT -8
Probably. This is how I coped when I was young.
Today I have a loving relationship with my inner child. I wrote this poem for her.
The Child Within You came to me one day, Mysterious and old. We spoke of your childhood— Of the wind that blew cold Across your path In the winter of despair; When you felt so alone As if God wasn't there. Then we played together In the dim candlelight. You were so happy, All aglow with delight, To have found your way home To the one you adored. Shown the way, of course, By our savior the Lord. Now, my dear child, My tender soul, You bring me such joy. With you I am whole. For I am nothing Without all my parts; Without the sweet voice Of my child's tender heart.  |
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