No one knows how to help me

I plan on taking her. Up of coffee and just being open and honest with her.

I think this is great. Keep us posted. I hope things work out. If not believe that love is waiting for you now that you are in recovery.

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Despite me having double Authentication my iCloud got hacked. In the entry I admitted to being attracted to her. My journal entries got sent to everyone in my contacts which includes her and her coworkers.

Another way she could have found out was someone told. I disclosed in a church support group that I had crush on a woman. I didn't give anything specific just admitted I liked her. The support group was helping me and I enjoyed.

Another is that she knew I liked her before I did. Every once in awhile I will meet someone that knows I like women no matter how well I hide it.



Having a crush on this woman is not something I'm proud of. Liking women is not something i share with just anyone and that includes my crush. I'm very closeted.

Part of it is I'm crushing on a woman whom is 27yrs older than me....old enough to be my mom

I'm going to be careful. I want to make sure it's not all in my head. Yes she's single, but according to social media she identifies as straight. However I don't like to judge based of what I have found online. There have been times when I met people who said they were straight online but in reality the were bi/gay.

Maybe I will just write her letter that way I'm not there to see her reaction. However if I did talk to her person I would get one on one feedback.

Here's possible reactions

1. She's flattered but tells me she's not interested
2. Rare but possible she feels the same about me or is bi/gay herself
3. She's offended beyond belief and tells anyone who will listen.

Therapy isn't working. I feel like I'm going nowhere. I want to talk about the person I'm attracted to with my therapist and she redirects the conversation to my mom. I'm at point where nothing seems to hel. I'm struggling with my sexuality triggers my depression.

I long to be connected and intimate with this woman I met a year ago. I'm trying understand my feelings towards this woman and figure out where they came from. These feelings are coming somewhere. My therapist kept making comments like "just stop thinking about this woman." If it where that easy I would have done that a long time ago.

At first everything I was doing the therapist seemed to be helping me. However i revealed that I'm working a novel about a relationship between an older woman and young woman. My therapist stated that was deviant.

Writing is an outlet for me it's my way of acting on something I know I could never act on. I don't have a safe place to talk. This is one of the few places I can openly gush about another woman without being judged:

I live in a very conservative town that does not take well to those that are different this includes therapist.

The other day I saw her at my job. I could tell by her reaction that she was not affirming at all.

My heart goes out to you. Try having this kind of relationship with your inner child and with your Higher Power until you find someone to love. We all want this from another human being but timing is everything.

My family doesn't like it either my mom thinks the lady I met (Debbie)made me this way. But the truth is I was that way long before I met her.

Back in march my mom forced me to come out to her. She thinks what she did is great but to me it hurt. Fortunately I was able to avoid being to tell Debbie how I feel about her. If any one going to tell her it going to be me.

The hard part is Debbie will want to know why I feel the way I do and to be honest I don't know. Being the inquisitive woman she is she demand I tell her. She'd mean well but she would want to know. So the question is how do I tell someone I why I fell for them when I don't know.

God put her in my life for a reason. He wanted to show me something. A Devine appointment. She is the third. Each person whom god put in my life changed me for ever. At first the circumstance with Debbie were not that great but she gave me the push that I needed. When it comes to the circumstances I have no one to blame but myself. I could have left but I chose to stay and go through with it. But in the end it all turned out well and I ended up being happy with my choice

God has a reason for everything. You are right about this. Some people are here to teach us through disappointment. Others are here to make us happy. Everything should bring us closer to God or it is a wasted lesson. Hand in there.

God puts people in our life to teach us. Sometimes this is wonderful and sometimes it hurts. This may be an opportunity to explore your sexuality or it may not, but it is very important that you learn as much as you can about yourself. There is an old song. To know, know, know you is to love, love, love you.

This is God's song to you . . .

Hi Shasta, 

Welome to the boards. I agree with Susan. This therapist does not seem like a good choice for you. Try finding one that is sensitive to women's issues and sexuality. You sound like you very smart lady and already know how to help yourself. Oftentimes we have all the answers, we simply lack the courage to put what we believe into motion. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. The unhealthy part only seems to be that you are paralyzed with fear to reach out to her and tell her the truth. This is part of the torchbearer's plight. We pine for people and keep them in fantasy mode because we do not want rejection, and we kinda also don't want acceptance. The underlying fear seems to be intimacy. Does that sound a bit right?  Normally, when we are afraid of intimacy, we tend to choose completely unavailable people--married people, people who live great distances from us, even straight people when we are identifying as gay or bi. It doesn't matter whether it's a man or woman. As long as they are unavailable. 

How well do you know this woman? I get the sense that you do not know her well. If that's true, ask yourself if you could possible, bit by bit, get to know her better, only as friends. You may find that might be enough. Only you have the answers. But one this is true: the longer you pine for her and do nothing about it, the more you keep finding road blocks to expressing your true feelings to her, that is a big sign that you are avoiding yourself. You are avoiding loving yourself so that you are capable of loving others. 

I am going to suggest that you stop with the fantasy about her. Stop making assumptions about how great she might be. Focus on reality. How can you realistically get to know her so that you can make realistic decisions about her. Try to stay present and don't allow yourself to slip into "wondering" or "feeling" for her when you do not know her. That is not love. That is not intimacy. That is imagination. 

This is exactly why I want to get know her.

I'm celebrate recovery. Would it be right if I asked this woman to be my sponsor? I would love to be my sponsor. She's in cr too and I feel she an excellent sponsor. would it be wise to have her as my sponsor

I heard at one this woman struggled with chemical dependency. How could someone who struggled help me? I have lots of issues. Not just confusion about my sexuality but depression. I isolate myself. Her job would to be say hi ever once in and see how I'm doing. I would feel more comfortable having her as a mentor.

Also I would love her recovery story