Men Who are Being Abused

Male Abuse Survivors

Men sometimes have special needs because most abusers are also men. But not always. Some women also abuse men because of untreated abuse in their childhood.

For a long time, there was no place for men to go. There were no safe houses, and the men were reluctant to talk about their abuse out of embarrassment. Today we know better, and men are coming out of the closet.

My first male client, being abused by his girlfriend, came to me in 1987. His name was Jerry. His girlfriend hit him in the face with her fists. She threw things at him. She berated him all the time and criticized him for being passive. When I met Jerry, he was trying to stay sober, and I tried to get him to leave this woman. Over the time I worked with him he lost his sobriety. He started using drugs. He lost his job, apartment, and car. One night he called me and said he was about to commit suicide. I talked him out of it, and we began to do some deep healing work. We explored his childhood which included abuse by his mother and some boys in his gym class in high school. Then we processed his memories about the past and his emotional pain. Eventually, Jerry married a lovely lady, and they are still happy. Recovery works if you have the courage to heal.

My second male client was Richard. He was abandoned by his mother at a young age and raised by his father. When he turned twenty-one, he went to find his mother. He found her and she invited him to move in with her. One day while watching a movie she asked him to have sex with her. He agreed and today we are still processing his shame, toxic guilt, and confusion when it comes to women.

My current client is Carlos. When he was five years old he was seduced by his babysitter. She asked him to undress and then they had sex. This sexualized him when he was too young to understand what was happening. When the babysitter left months later, he used pornography to substitute for her. He became a sex addict. He is now in a support group for sex addiction.



Recovery for abuse begins by exploring the "scene of the crime." The times when he was abused as a child. The best book about abused boys is Real Boys by Pollack.