Tears: Initiation into the Scar Clan

I love this so much and am so glad I read it. I have been trying to push back the tears afraid too face the pain, afraid that it would only make the pain worse than it already is. After reading this I feel like I just may need a really good cry! Thank you!

i have a friend that calls tears "holy water".........

I believe that a healthy cry is good for us and helps us move forward in recovery because it is essentially an emotional discharge of pain that we hold. When we don't cry or find some healthy way to discharge, it stores up inside us and creates all kinds of chaos with our serenity.

A good cry is like a big emotional s**t and we really do feel a bit better afterward. some us of, probably most of us, have a backlog of grief, so at times it seems like the tears will never end, one session after another, but this really can be a productive time, and it really does lessen the intensity of the grief.

I have friends who are envioius of me because I CAN and DO cry.

So I say if you have a lot to cry about, go for it!

I agree with all the comments posted. Certainly made me want to have me a good cry and let it all go. I feel like spring cleaning my soul.

I hate to cry but can not keept from doing it. I have cried at work for the last 2 days. I can cry at a moments notice right now. I don't want to because I don't want to feel the pain it brings. I don't really understand what it means to be at one with the pain. Feel the pain and let it come. I really want to run from it.
Jan

I have been doing a lot of crying today. I like that book 'women who run with wolves'. Today I had a very deep counselling session. Now that I am not stuffing my pain down with food, and actually abstinent, all of my anxiety and sadness has overwhelmed me. My counsellor who I completely trust got me to face the root of my obsession over this man in my scriptwriting class who represents my love addicted fantasy of being married in a screen writing partnership and living in America. Unfortunately this same man, who is very supportive of me is only a friend, who is getting married and going back to Colarodo in July next year. I don't want our successful partnership to end, as the script we wrote is up for a major award for short feature film and I see a future with this man. Today I let go of this, and my counsellor held me while I sobbed. I realize now that I can have the same success writing with other people, and that my higher power is going to make the right person come into my life at the time God decides i am ready, not when I decide, because I am an addict addicted to fantasy love and obsession, and I don't know who or what is best for me. Today I just trust and let go.
Good luck to everyone who wants to have a good cry. The pain is enormous, but the relief is better.
Petrice

That is just Beautiful...
TY butterflygirl.

I have cried so much today, I really understand what a broken heart feels. I felt like my heart and my soul were torn to pieces.

Yet, I do not see crying as positive. I cry easily and freely. I can cry for hours. I don't stuff my feelings. But it physically hurts me, and I can't be good for the body. Plus, much of what I think while crying is a distortion. It is mostly negative stuff. Crying makes me feel weak, and it weakens and exhausts me.

I think crying is overrated.

I am a person who has a difficult time crying. This week I have cried buckets because I found out my beloved cat, fly, is dying from a terminal condition. i understand what you mean about tiring a person out, but I do feel better today. My therapist says that feeling our emotions is the important thing and if tears come we must let them or we are denying our emotions. I do hate crying though and usually will do whatever it takes to avoid it, at least while in front of someone else:)

Jasperfly

I was always chastised as a child for crying too much. In fact, when I was brought home from the hospital as an infant I was colic and couldn't stop crying. My mom's obstetrician told her to put me in a room and let me cry, and not pick me up. I found this out when I was in my 40's.

"The doctor told me to put you in a room and let you cry. That's why you grew up and never needed anyone"

DUH! Well, I said, THAT explains it!

Anyway, I stopped crying as a kid and just held everything in. Until I hit my 40's. And the floods came. Oh my goodness, I have had crying, sobbing, heaving jags like nobody's business. And thank God.

My feeling is that crying is just the opposite of laughing. And I don't stop myself from doing that! (unless it's inappropriate).

I cry at the drop of a hat now. I love that I have the capacity. I didn't for many years.

I spent years not crying.
I have all these old poems about not feeling and being numb.
then an event happened years ago and I started crying and couldn't stop for 2 years. They finally put me on antidepressants for awhile and I stopped crying for several years and then...
I wept almost easily.
I cried very rarely.

when the last POA walked out of my life. I sobbed, with deep anguish, with the abandon of a child, and did so holding my gut for so many nights that my eyes refused to swell anymore.
a couple of months later ( after finding this board and starting the steps)
I only cried once in a while.
Now I weep easily again and very, very, rarely I sob for a few minutes.
It's been several months.

Before him, I had not cried that deeply over anything including the deaths of family members.
now, that is somewhat out of balance.
my reaction to his leaving was intense. I think it was about more than him, I think it was about a long string of leavings that tied themselves onto him in my inner world.
Those tears carried a lot away.

I think all that crying is part of clearing and cleaning and making room for my soul to live.
bluebird

This is so true of me too! If I am feeling down someone looking at me funny can send me to tears. Lately though, since finding this sight, I have let the tears flow and flow...

But I am noticing that sometimes when I want to cry I start to busy myself with something else like my studies or going to the gym. I think that is bad, right? Shouldn't I allow those negative feelings to come out right then and there, allowing it to be released from my thoughts?

SC

I cried three times today, and each time i was able to stop and take an action, do something to get out of my head even if it was for 10 minutes. Now it's 10:30 at night, and I'm okay. Before I would let the emotions overtake me. Now I know they're just emotions that will pass.

Growing up in my alcoholic family thaught me to hide my feelings. Many times I would hide in order to cry. My mothers favorite words were: What's wrong with you now. There is something always wrong with you. I came to believe that my feelings of sadness were wrong. It is wonderful and healing to be able to cry. I too do not lie the pain but in the end I feel more joy than ever.

I love that picture!!!! (The little baby held by Jesus...at least that's how I see it.) I cried a lot today, but I am okay and putting one foot in front of the other...like a toddler.