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Post by Havefaith on Jan 19, 2018 12:01:06 GMT -8
www.nytimes.com/2018/01/16/style/how-to-get-over-an-infatuation.htmlWow -- could I relate to this one (why we get infatuated/obsessed over people who are just plain WRONG for us). An excerpt -- "Nobody knows the precise ingredients of temptation. We can only attempt to know ourselves. That’s ultimately how we gain control of our lives. It’s not that we banish our desires. We simply learn to manage them, so that they no longer hold the power to destroy our happiness." This is why I have been in therapy since September 2010. Not to find out more about PoA -- rather, to find out more about myself... HaveFaith
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 14:30:21 GMT -8
This is me but with genders reversed. I'm the introspective and empathic one. She's cruel, agressive, ect. ect. I hate this advice. I'm a trained therapist and while there are some specific things a person can do... therapists somehow become this magic wand people wave over other people when they don't like to witness the suffering of other people. "honey, you need a good therapist!" is the most dismissing statement and puts all the responsibility for change on an outside factor which is where the person is already looking for answers and not finding them... I love this picture though...  |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 19, 2018 14:41:10 GMT -8
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 19, 2018 14:45:04 GMT -8
An infatuation is idealizing someone that you do not really know. An obsession is being addicted to someone you know but love anyway. Poets have no right to picture love as blind. We must remove its blindfold and give it eyes. Pascal.
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 19, 2018 16:01:45 GMT -8
I am well aware that change comes from within. But I am blessed that I have a therapist who facilitates that change, guides me, encourages me, leads me through some pretty complex issues.
My therapist is not my magic wand. She is my facilitator.
HaveFaith
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 16:24:04 GMT -8
... I'm a trained therapist ... blessed that I have a therapist ... When I look in the mirror I say, Physician, Heal Thyself. All the reflective listening and narrative construction and meaning making is not very fulfilling to me. It seems to me as set of mental gymnastics that are meant to confuse and prompt ponderous introspection. One is too busy discovering some clever riddle of meaning which is just around the corner. Existential concerns and, "There will be justice after we all die" is just an empty platitude meant to defer hostile or sinful behavior until death occurs for a reward that is promised. Where is present focus? I am here now. I don't want to keep reliving the past and the future has no meaning if today I am wrestling a tiger. I guess what I am trying to say is, I am often guilty of overthinking things and filtering everything through a very critical filter. I am not given over to agreeing with people for the sake of being cordial. This makes me a somewhat difficult person. I wish to be as honest with myself and others as possible. I certainly have planks in my eyes all the time. Whole lumber yards worth. I cannot see or understand the parts of myself as well as I would like. The one thing I learned working with addicts. As a person that claims to want to help, I am as essentially powerless as the addict. If I ask for them to make that leap as an addict surely I must give up control as a helper. Consider the medical doctor that claims power over death and life. Sure, it's great when they save someone, but heaven help them when there is a case they can't crack. I have learned that words are just... words. They fill empty and quiet blank spots in our lives while we decide how to act and behave. |
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 20, 2018 6:27:05 GMT -8
I am not interested in semantics. I am here to share my 'experience, strength, and hope' and, in the spirit of sharing, I posted this article and my successful (ongoing) experience with a trained, professional therapist.
As they say in anonymous meetings, take what you need and leave the rest.
HaveFaith
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2018 6:41:23 GMT -8
Susan, you mentioned to me that you thought I was expressing frustration with you. That is far from the case. I don't think of you as a Therapist. I was remarking it in a self-depreciating way. I am well trained (at least I think I am) yet I can't wave the magic wand over myself. Also, I just think about the social stigma of mental health problems. When people say You Need a Doctor! It is an imperative, legitimate concern. So often people insult, there's something wrong with you, you need a shrink, go get some help and sort yourself out! I don't even know why I'm sticking on this, the article clearly was interesting and the author certainly did not intend to offer "therapy" as a put down. I think that there is a great mystery about what happens in a therapeutic relationship. When you have a broken bone and you go to the doctor, anyone knows the doctor sets the bone and puts on a cast. When a person's mind is breaking, no layman or outside person knows the keys that fits the locks of this person's psychic condition. The therapist has to ask the client about the keyhole all the while filing down just the right fit. It's quite an arcane and even a mysterious process that involves the physical, the mental, the metaphysical, spiritual..... everything, even the medical. The mystery makes it like voodoo and so it becomes a pejorative. "Go see someone about your mental problem and get yourself fixed" is just so dismissing from an interpersonal standpoint. and don't even get me started on the phrase "I'm fine"!   |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 20, 2018 13:10:35 GMT -8
Susan, you mentioned to me that you thought I was expressing frustration with you. That is far from the case. I don't think of you as a Therapist. I was remarking it in a self-depreciating way. I am well trained (at least I think I am) yet I can't wave the magic wand over myself. Max . . . I was just having some fun with you trying to cheer you up. I agree with you. This is why I never went back to school to become a therapist, even a transpersonal program they had in Orinda. Besides I did not have the money as I was a secretary raising two children alone. Instead God helped me. When my daughter got her first job it was at Cal Extension which provides after-hour classes for psychologists. Because my daughter worked there the classes were free for me. Even then their was a stigma attached to me not having a degree. I called to register and I asked what the class was about. I had never head of that kind of therapy. Do the registrar said, "If you don't know what it means, you don't belong." Ouch. But I took the classes anyway and so know I know everything that real therapists know, but I don't have to put up such strict boundaries with my clients. One of my therapist told me he was not allowed to shake my hand much less let me hug him. As for my history of therapy . . . I was sent to a psychiatrist when I was put on probation for prostitution in 1968. The therapist seduced me and then offered me money if I would engage in a sex act in his office. Then he dumped me. A few years later I found a really nice guy who listened to me complain about my love life for 10 years. But he did help me go back to school so I was able to graduate at UC Berkeley Phi Beta Kappa and on the honor roll. I went on to get my teaching credential but I did not have enough self-esteem to teach until I started my class on love addiction at Piedmont Adult School. When I took a job as a secretary my boss sent me to a therapist who tried to tell me I had grown up in a dysfunctional family, but I was not ready to hear it. I left her after I ran out of money and found my way to AA. My last therapist was the best. He helped me analyze my dreams and my slips of the tongue. This is where I started having flashbacks and discovered I was an incest survivor. He also helped me forgive my mother just before she died. I talk about this in The Art of Changing. I left Dr. Swope because I started obsessing about him and since then God has been my therapist. I believe in therapy if you are with the right one. I believe you should interview your therapist and ask questions. They work for you not vice versa. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2018 2:46:00 GMT -8
... therapist told me he was not allowed to shake my hand much less let me hug him. ... Everyone trained in my program was taught to never initiate any tactile contact. Only if the other person initiates and even then never more than a handshake. |
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