Post by ninja on Jan 24, 2018 4:47:58 GMT -8
...I am a romance addict for more than 20 years and I am in hell at the moment. Since my very young teenage years I am always in situation of impossible love. Mostly unavailable men. Since more than 4 years I share my life with my loving and supportive husband who is everything I could ask for in life. And still my romance addiction drives me nuts.
My latest speciality is: choosing men as PoA who are attracted to me so I am in constant danger of cheating the best man that ever came into my life. For one year now I madly obsessed with a client of mine. I have the risk of meeting him any moment at work and I usually need days to recover from a meeting. Last year I started flirting with him because I was powerless against this attraction and he is in love with me. This violates everything I believe in personally and professionally. We never got intimate. But he knows I am attracted to him. And he also knows that his feelings are clear to me.
Even collegues talked to me about how obvious his feelings for me are. I cannot for anything in this world make the mistake to act on this longing. Sometimes I think I will die if I don't sleep with him. That not to have him is worse than all possible consequences. I am high on drama.
Yesterday was my wedding day and I made the spontaneous and desperate decision to stop for real. This morning I repeated my decision.
And what happened when I left my office one hour ago? Of course, I walked into him and he was shy and happy to see me. And I am back to the thought that I cannot resist any longer. At the moment I am not able to keep distance. If he made a move on me now I could not resist.
It is the same with all my PoA. With every single one. And every time I think that it is different this time.
My brain refuses to accept that it is exactly like always. That I choose another impossible setting.
The more to loose the higher I get. And now I am really not far from losing everything important in my life. I feel like now is the time I must stop without any " yeah, but..." But i just cannot.
My latest speciality is: choosing men as PoA who are attracted to me so I am in constant danger of cheating the best man that ever came into my life. For one year now I madly obsessed with a client of mine. I have the risk of meeting him any moment at work and I usually need days to recover from a meeting. Last year I started flirting with him because I was powerless against this attraction and he is in love with me. This violates everything I believe in personally and professionally. We never got intimate. But he knows I am attracted to him. And he also knows that his feelings are clear to me.
Even collegues talked to me about how obvious his feelings for me are. I cannot for anything in this world make the mistake to act on this longing. Sometimes I think I will die if I don't sleep with him. That not to have him is worse than all possible consequences. I am high on drama.
Yesterday was my wedding day and I made the spontaneous and desperate decision to stop for real. This morning I repeated my decision.
And what happened when I left my office one hour ago? Of course, I walked into him and he was shy and happy to see me. And I am back to the thought that I cannot resist any longer. At the moment I am not able to keep distance. If he made a move on me now I could not resist.
It is the same with all my PoA. With every single one. And every time I think that it is different this time.
My brain refuses to accept that it is exactly like always. That I choose another impossible setting.
The more to loose the higher I get. And now I am really not far from losing everything important in my life. I feel like now is the time I must stop without any " yeah, but..." But i just cannot.
