Post by maxheadcase on Apr 30, 2018 19:21:46 GMT -8
Today I begin limited contact. I will no longer reach out and contact my PoA, but will accept her phone calls when possible. I'm tired of being sick and tired. I will no longer allow myself to let a person to have so much control or effect over my emotions, my day to day feelings. I had a break through while at work today after a bad evening Sunday night with PoA.
I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed, I wasn't obsessed. Her contacting me this evening just reinforced my inner strength. Her excuses, disrespect, coldness, meanness will no longer be tolerated. I am a good person. A caring person, I deserve to be treated better. I do not need this person in my life. I do not need the negativity, the highs and lows of the roller coaster ride and drama. drama that she seems to thrive on.
I will no longer allow myself to be shackled to the fear of losing her to her liver disease or to another guy. I gave it my best to just try and remain friends. To be there for her. I accept that she and I need to fade out of each others lives. It has become too toxic and unhealthy for me.
Perhaps a break from her and resetting boundaries with myself in regard to her would work, but I know eventually the boundaries would crumble just like the last time. I admit I long for the time where we could talk and it wouldn't affect me. I long for the time where I could visit her and not be filled with obsessive thoughts.
I remember it took a lot of work, a lot of pain, sorrow, depression, obsession and sadness, along with three rough years to get to that place. I know I can get to that place once again in the future. This self torture, self inflicted wound of trying to keep something alive with somebody when it is dead, must not continue. I seek inner peace, feeling it today.
I begin therapy this Thursday. Not quite sure where to begin with it. I must finally deal with the death of our mutual friend and work on getting help with moving on from this long lasting toxic and unhealthy friendship/relationship. I think I am ready to take my life back. Wish me luck!
I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed, I wasn't obsessed. Her contacting me this evening just reinforced my inner strength. Her excuses, disrespect, coldness, meanness will no longer be tolerated. I am a good person. A caring person, I deserve to be treated better. I do not need this person in my life. I do not need the negativity, the highs and lows of the roller coaster ride and drama. drama that she seems to thrive on.
I will no longer allow myself to be shackled to the fear of losing her to her liver disease or to another guy. I gave it my best to just try and remain friends. To be there for her. I accept that she and I need to fade out of each others lives. It has become too toxic and unhealthy for me.
Perhaps a break from her and resetting boundaries with myself in regard to her would work, but I know eventually the boundaries would crumble just like the last time. I admit I long for the time where we could talk and it wouldn't affect me. I long for the time where I could visit her and not be filled with obsessive thoughts.
I remember it took a lot of work, a lot of pain, sorrow, depression, obsession and sadness, along with three rough years to get to that place. I know I can get to that place once again in the future. This self torture, self inflicted wound of trying to keep something alive with somebody when it is dead, must not continue. I seek inner peace, feeling it today.
I begin therapy this Thursday. Not quite sure where to begin with it. I must finally deal with the death of our mutual friend and work on getting help with moving on from this long lasting toxic and unhealthy friendship/relationship. I think I am ready to take my life back. Wish me luck!
