so, I've recently begun to spend time with someone who so far I like a lot. it's going well but here's the thing that I'm struggling with around it at this moment: how am I supposed to know if, as we get to know each other and grow closer, the urges that I have to initiate intimacy - and no, I'm not talking about sex here, but just little things like urges to move closer, have physical contact like hand holding as we're walking together, just little things like that - are a natural progression of getting more comfortable with him and feeling safe and wanting to be closer, or if it's the addiction jumping the gun and making me want to dive in fast like I normally do rather than taking things slowly? how slowly is TOO slowly? when is it okay to take each next step? how do I know if the timing is appropriate or too soon? do I have to just leave all the move making up to him? do I set arbitrary timelines? do I go with my gut? or do I not trust my gut because my gut is used to acting out of an addiction to companionship and closeness? any insight, experiences, etc, are appreciated!
I wouldn't necessarily say that I've always made the first move. in my memory it seems like it was always very mutual, 2 unhealthy people both diving in headfirst at the same time and both going with it and feeding off each other. I'm trying to hold back this time but I've been getting the sense that he's watching for my cues and therefore also holding back. which is good I guess. but at some point something has to give and I just don't know how long I need to keep holding out. we've already had a couple of moments where I feel quite close to him and in the past those moments would for sure have led to something more, even this early on. we have extremely similar spiritual beliefs and values and viewpoints and affinities to things, so we have these moments like for example standing on a beach when the tide was way out, after walking all the way across to where the waves were actually coming in, both just taking it in and talking about how soothing we find the ocean, knowing we both feel a deep affinity with it, that we're experiencing something so similar together, it's just like we're in the same place mentally and emotionally, on the same wavelength, and so naturally there's a connection there. how do I balance taking my time with going with the flow?