Serial engagements with covert narcissists or sociopaths
Sept 5, 2018 0:38:32 GMT -8
loveelleng and terra like this
Post by rosebud73 on Sept 5, 2018 0:38:32 GMT -8
I have had so many coverts narcissists or sociopaths in my life - its stunning.
I know a lot about both disorders but have not managed to steer clear in my last 10 or so relationships spanning decades.
The last was "my first healthy relationship"...or so I thought. I was over the moon.
Overnight it ended with a brutal and shocking discard.
I learned of a double life, lies, cheating....the normal stuff but I was actively vetting him for these issues and telling him about my plans to start a coaching service
for survivors of narc abuse!
What I thought was LOVE was love bombing.
What I thought were triggers in me due to past abuse....were internal warnings
What I thought was intimacy avoidance was actually that
I sensed him controlling things and maneovering. I attributed this to his strong desire to make our relationship work and blend two families.
He hung out with my toddler and I often...and my other kids.
Just heart breaking.
But now in warrior mode including NC.
The hardest thing is missing the mask.....that super sweet man who I loved, liked and desired....who was simply a mirror image of ME and my ideal boyfriend as he would be to me.
Other people are getting a different mask for certain.
He told me "I'm a giver" me: " I am too!...He did a good job of probing me for information...and I just poured it out despite everything I KNOW about these types.
I have been ensnared by a predator pastor, a self-help author, and now this one "The Loving Super Dad." BUT it makes me feel just slightly better that the sociopathic killer BTK was a Boy Scout leader
and married and his wife had no idea.
I think the issue is that predators are REALLY REALLY GOOD at conning.
BUT how do I break/escape this pattern?
I'm attractive, fit, an "a super empath" as one writer calls it. Very warm, loyal, gushy....I tried to be cold diva with high standards....it just kept him around longer I think. But when I finally rested and felt secure
it all vanished in hours.
The discard was very sadistic which shows control, lack of empathy, shallowness of attachment, and the fact someone else was waiting in the wings.
Yet, he set things up to ensure a return...left a few open doors.
I kinda feel like a chump. I did sense something dark, vile and perverse inside him that was at odds with what I was seeing and started to feel he acted differently with different people.
AWFUL PAIN. My friends and family are speechless. I'm furious and greiving. The man I loved no longer exists. In my minds eye I see the shape of a person with nothing inside...an invisible man.
Some people may have one or two narcissists or sociopaths in their lives...but when it's over 10....or for decades ( mine includes a 16 year marriage)....what does one do?
?
I know a lot about both disorders but have not managed to steer clear in my last 10 or so relationships spanning decades.
The last was "my first healthy relationship"...or so I thought. I was over the moon.
Overnight it ended with a brutal and shocking discard.
I learned of a double life, lies, cheating....the normal stuff but I was actively vetting him for these issues and telling him about my plans to start a coaching service
for survivors of narc abuse!
What I thought was LOVE was love bombing.
What I thought were triggers in me due to past abuse....were internal warnings
What I thought was intimacy avoidance was actually that
I sensed him controlling things and maneovering. I attributed this to his strong desire to make our relationship work and blend two families.
He hung out with my toddler and I often...and my other kids.
Just heart breaking.
But now in warrior mode including NC.
The hardest thing is missing the mask.....that super sweet man who I loved, liked and desired....who was simply a mirror image of ME and my ideal boyfriend as he would be to me.
Other people are getting a different mask for certain.
He told me "I'm a giver" me: " I am too!...He did a good job of probing me for information...and I just poured it out despite everything I KNOW about these types.
I have been ensnared by a predator pastor, a self-help author, and now this one "The Loving Super Dad." BUT it makes me feel just slightly better that the sociopathic killer BTK was a Boy Scout leader
and married and his wife had no idea.
I think the issue is that predators are REALLY REALLY GOOD at conning.
BUT how do I break/escape this pattern?
I'm attractive, fit, an "a super empath" as one writer calls it. Very warm, loyal, gushy....I tried to be cold diva with high standards....it just kept him around longer I think. But when I finally rested and felt secure
it all vanished in hours.
The discard was very sadistic which shows control, lack of empathy, shallowness of attachment, and the fact someone else was waiting in the wings.
Yet, he set things up to ensure a return...left a few open doors.
I kinda feel like a chump. I did sense something dark, vile and perverse inside him that was at odds with what I was seeing and started to feel he acted differently with different people.
AWFUL PAIN. My friends and family are speechless. I'm furious and greiving. The man I loved no longer exists. In my minds eye I see the shape of a person with nothing inside...an invisible man.
Some people may have one or two narcissists or sociopaths in their lives...but when it's over 10....or for decades ( mine includes a 16 year marriage)....what does one do?
?
