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Clarity
Nov 17, 2018 7:27:33 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by MsLearning on Nov 17, 2018 7:27:33 GMT -8
Hi everyone. I left a long term relationship 6 months ago and I wonder if I threw something away, messed it up beyond repair by my actions. I have many moments when I remember why I left, but I'm sitting here wondering if I just abandoned my best friend. Things aren't so black and white, you know? I just needed to tell someone. Thanks for listening.
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Clarity
Nov 17, 2018 17:40:43 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 17, 2018 17:40:43 GMT -8
Hi everyone. I left a long term relationship 6 months ago and I wonder if I threw something away, messed it up beyond repair by my actions. I have many moments when I remember why I left, but I'm sitting here wondering if I just abandoned my best friend. Things aren't so black and white, you know? I just needed to tell someone. Thanks for listening. It all depends on why you left. Did you do a benefit cost analysis. Was it a healthy relationship or was it unhealthy? Tell us more about the relationship.
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Post by paisley on Dec 6, 2018 12:08:59 GMT -8
Yep. I get it because I did just that by pushing away my boyfriend before.
Regardless, I think it’s important to know you don’t NEED to be with him and will be ok. Us love addicts tend to think (each time) that this is our only chance for love. It likely isn’t and you’ll be ok.
Also, in the initial phases of withdrawal I ALWAYS doubted my decision and many times pulled a toxic person back into my life and had to go through all the pain and disappointment again. So I would take time and space to figure it out.
I also had to learn to stop pushing people away just because fun time was over. Relationships have ups and downs and I had to learn to accept that. Some of my past relationships were with sick or unavailable people and it was clearly not good to stick with it (still doubted myself though) but as I got healthier I realized most relationships were not clearly BAD or GOOD and I had to make a conscious choice by looking at the overall picture.
I will add - my current relationship shows me quite clearly that it’s mostly GOOD and I spend very little time wondering if I’ve made the right choice. The fact that I don’t have these recurring doubts shows me that I made a good choice. I remember being in past relationships where I questioned my choice almost daily though and now I can see a stark difference between having a few bad days or moments with an imperfect boyfriend who doesn’t always seem irresistible to me, and a relationship with a guy who may be a good enough person, but just isn’t right or compatible to me.
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