Post by BunnyEars on Nov 27, 2018 11:22:31 GMT -8
I'm not "in recovery" so to speak, I never worked the steps, but I've done lots of therapy and self-help reading, and really worked on my life. My pattern is obsessing over emotionally unavailable women, or settling for emotionally immature men. Right now, I'm doing neither.
I've finally managed to get to a place where I've attracted, and am attracted to, a woman who seems to be healthy and emotionally available. I met her through a mutual good friend. First we hung out several times, then we started hooking up. We've been spending 4 or 5 nights a week together for about a month. I know that's not long, but I'm a middle aged queer woman, and my kind tend to bring UHAUL's on the 2nd date. She and I have already met most of each other's friends, seen each other's apartments, she keeps a toothbrush and phone charger at my place. We had a brief relationship status talk, deciding we don't like the label "girlfriend," but we are, basically. Neither of us is interested in seeing anyone else.
New girlfriend is definitely neither NPD or BPD (my last two girlfriends were one of each.) Nor is she a bisexual who would rather be with a man, like most of the girls I've obsessed over in my life. So far, she seems attentive, generous, open-minded, easygoing, and though she's 12 years younger than me, she's a grown woman with a good job and no addictions or mental illnesses. So you can see why I'd be terrified, lol.
I'm trying to move at a comfortable pace, and I don't want to create drama because of the demons in my head. Honestly, I would feel disrespectful burdening this patient, generous woman with being my Person Of Addiction. I'm having a hard time relaxing. Where is the line between normal thinking about the other person all the time, and obsessing? Is it ok that we can't keep our hands off each other, or is it toxic? It's frustrating that I feel like I'm walking through landmines just to have a relationship. I mean, I'm handling it, I'm being honest with her, and myself, even when it's hard. I've used my boundaries, and saw her respect them, and I've respected hers, I think. It's good, but also scary as heck. Can anyone here relate?