Every time my bf, L, seems out of sorts for any reason, I’m always afraid it means he doesn’t love me or want me any more.
Last night he had trouble sleeping - so I had trouble sleeping. What if he has trouble sleeping because I’m there?
It turned out that his sinuses were bothering him really badly last night.
But no matter what the real story is, I always feel anxious that it’s about me.
I know a big part of the reason I feel anxious is that L and I are trying to get back together again after being apart for a while. It was my fault we were apart. He said he loves me and he agreed to us trying again. But I’m always, deep down inside, scared that I ruined it forever. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had that was healthy (for a lot of our time together.) I tried living without him for three years and it was terrible. I don’t want to go back to being without him. If that should happen - I’m 55 now, and I could live to be 80. So I’d have to live through 25 years of feeling terrible, just like the three years we were apart.
What if….I could do Step Three BEFORE my life becomes a total disaster?