Howard Halpern's 25 Addiction-Breaking Aphorisms May 18, 2019 7:44:13 GMT -8 RoseNadler, ShondaSugar, and 5 more like this
Post by sexlessw on May 18, 2019 7:44:13 GMT -8
Before I put away my edition of Dr. Howard Halpern's When and Why Love Doesn't Work - How to Break Your Addiction to a Person, I am going to write out his 25 Aphorisms. I cannot emphasize how much these helped me during my MANY times of NC and withdrawal during my EMA(s). I have to quote Frank Zappa, "Eh, the guy was a mess!" - because that mess was me - past tense. May somebody in the struggle today, tomorrow or whenever find these as much help as I have.
1. You can live without him - PROBABLY BETTER.
2. Love is NOT enough to make a good love relationship.
3. Limerence is NOT enough.
4. A love relationship is MUTUAL and HELPS each partner feel BETTER about herself, NOT WORSE.
5. Guilt is NOT reason enough to stay.
6. You don't HAVE TO love someone to be addicted to him.
7. Just because you're jealous DOES NOT MEAN you love him. You CAN BE jealous of someone YOU CAN'T STAND.
8. What you see is what you get. Stop hanging on to the BELIEF you can CHANGE the other person.
9. Love DOES NOT necessarily LAST FOREVER.
10. You can't always work it out NOT MATTER HOW MUCH YOU may WANT to.
11. Some people die of/from bad relationships. DO YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM?
12. If someone says, "I don't want to be tied down", "I'm not ready for a relationship", "I'm not going to leave my spouse" - BELIEVE HIM.
13. Half of a loaf is NOT better than a full loaf.
14. He DOES NOT HAVE to love you.
15. It DOES NOT HAVE to get better.
16. The pain of Ending WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. In fact, it WIL NOT last nearly as long as the pain of NOT Ending it.
17. If it will be THE SAME way 5 or 10 years from now, DO YOU WANT IT?
18. There WILL BE anxiety, loneliness, and depression when you end it. However, these feelings WILL LAST ONLY for a LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME - and then WILL STOP.
19. You WILL NOT be alone forever. THAT IS THINKING IN INFANT TIME.
20. It is NEVER too late to make a change. The LONGER YOU WAIT, the MORE TIME WASTED.
21. The intensity of your withdrawal symptoms DOES NOT indicate the strength of your love - but THE STRENGTH of YOUR ADDICTION.
22. You are a WHOLE and VALUABLE person APART from that relationship.
23. When you feel in adequate, incomplete or worthless apart from the relationship, CHILDHOOD feelings are taking over.
24. He is NOT THE "ONE AND ONLY." [ETA "soul mate" or "one that got away"]
25. If you End this BAD relationship, you WILL BE opening your LIFE to NEW possibilities.