Post by koji on Aug 11, 2019 12:59:19 GMT -8
I don’t know why but I still see a dream of a girl who was my first love. I often see her dream especially when I am down. I was 10 that time. It was puppy love.
She was pretty, smart, thoughtful and had fine skin.
I didn’t notice her at first but one day my friends told me she liked me. From the day, my world totally changed. Everytime I saw her, I noticed she was looking at me.
That time, I was good at studying in school and ran fastest in the class. I used to be very shy but I become confident day by day. However, the first love extremly changed my life. I was able to see everything was beautiful. I felt even a cloud in the sky smiled at me. In a meaning, that time was my happiest moments of my life. I was just 10.
However, all things changed because of my brother’s mental illness. My house was cold like ice. The happiest time ended up. I had to spend saddest moments in school. My brother was amazing before the illness. He affected a lot to me. That’s why I lost my goal.
Since his life was going down, my parents and I had had a long tough time.
Since I was not good, I was not able to smile. The first love had space from me day by day.
The other day, I told my doctor about this dream. The doctor said the first love was my “standard.” I tried to do something or think like I have to deserve her. When I feel I can’t deserve the first love, I feel pressured and stress. That’s the doctor’s analysis. I think I have never had love feeling on any woman like I did on the first love. I need to have the warm, exciting, happy, confident feeling as a man. That may be a good start to have a healthy relationship. I need to have a good friendship first.
My self esteem is low because I am not a man deserving the first love, my standard. It may be so but I need to accept real me. I don’t need to be special like smart or fastest runner. I need to have new standard created from real me.
She was pretty, smart, thoughtful and had fine skin.
I didn’t notice her at first but one day my friends told me she liked me. From the day, my world totally changed. Everytime I saw her, I noticed she was looking at me.
That time, I was good at studying in school and ran fastest in the class. I used to be very shy but I become confident day by day. However, the first love extremly changed my life. I was able to see everything was beautiful. I felt even a cloud in the sky smiled at me. In a meaning, that time was my happiest moments of my life. I was just 10.
However, all things changed because of my brother’s mental illness. My house was cold like ice. The happiest time ended up. I had to spend saddest moments in school. My brother was amazing before the illness. He affected a lot to me. That’s why I lost my goal.
Since his life was going down, my parents and I had had a long tough time.
Since I was not good, I was not able to smile. The first love had space from me day by day.
The other day, I told my doctor about this dream. The doctor said the first love was my “standard.” I tried to do something or think like I have to deserve her. When I feel I can’t deserve the first love, I feel pressured and stress. That’s the doctor’s analysis. I think I have never had love feeling on any woman like I did on the first love. I need to have the warm, exciting, happy, confident feeling as a man. That may be a good start to have a healthy relationship. I need to have a good friendship first.
My self esteem is low because I am not a man deserving the first love, my standard. It may be so but I need to accept real me. I don’t need to be special like smart or fastest runner. I need to have new standard created from real me.