Post by wailingwalrus on Nov 14, 2019 17:17:34 GMT -8
Sabotaged myself tonight. I've been doing well over the last couple of weeks, stayed away from anything to do with my PoA. Until tonight I was feeling better. But I realised tonight that I was keeping one door open, even if it was unconsciously. Seeing her in this place was an incredibly long shot, and I'm still not sure if it was her that I saw. It's a bit convoluted and long to get into, but I was around 70% sure it was her, and if that's true, it means she's been even more prolific with her affections after we broke up than I thought. I found myself sitting analysing every last detail of the picture of unknown woman, probably for around fifteen minutes at least. Heart racing, stomach in a knot.
I then made the mistake of adding her number back and going on her social media (thankfully for me she seems to have gone into hibernation). At the very last moment I managed to pull myself back from seeing if she'd added any new toyboys. So it's not the absolute worst I could have done but it's still pretty disappointing.
On the plus side, I'm even less inclined to message her than I was before. I'm more frustrated with myself that I seem to have to destroy my own recovery.
So basically my plan is the same as the old one, with new amendments. I have to identify all my habits that I've designed to have some chance of bumping into her and cut them out. We live quite far apart so I won't run into her on the street which I know some here aren't so lucky to have. I have a little pride that I didn't go the whole hog and I feel so glad I can post on here and not have people look at me as if I've grown another leg.
I then made the mistake of adding her number back and going on her social media (thankfully for me she seems to have gone into hibernation). At the very last moment I managed to pull myself back from seeing if she'd added any new toyboys. So it's not the absolute worst I could have done but it's still pretty disappointing.
On the plus side, I'm even less inclined to message her than I was before. I'm more frustrated with myself that I seem to have to destroy my own recovery.
So basically my plan is the same as the old one, with new amendments. I have to identify all my habits that I've designed to have some chance of bumping into her and cut them out. We live quite far apart so I won't run into her on the street which I know some here aren't so lucky to have. I have a little pride that I didn't go the whole hog and I feel so glad I can post on here and not have people look at me as if I've grown another leg.