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Post by BunnyEars on Dec 28, 2019 8:54:07 GMT -8
I've gone out a few times with this woman in the past couple weeks. Similar life goals, and we have fun. She'd said before that she wasn't seeking a relationship, but would be all in if one "happened." We've made out a lot, always her initiating and escalating. Last night, I felt, ahem, ready to take it to the next level. So, I invited her to dinner at my place and afterwards we were kissing, things heating up. But then, she stopped, told me she was nervous because she is still healing from her last relationship (8 years, ended 6 months ago) and she could only do casual sex, which she knew this wouldn't be because she liked me. She says I "scare" her. I've heard this before, usually from people who had no intention of ever being with me. I'm so loveable that they can never love me.
I was very disappointed. She'd come on so strong previously. When I asked her if she was seeking just friendship, she said she "isn't ready to be friend-zoned just yet," and can't we just "keep hanging out and getting to know each other?"
I don't know. I feel like it's a dead end. I don't want someone who is scared of me, someone who is hesitant to make love to me despite their professed desire. I want someone who looks at me and thinks, "hell yes!" I feel rejected.
I was just starting to feel warm and alive, and now I've shut down again.
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Post by Shirley C. on Dec 28, 2019 15:21:32 GMT -8
My thoughts here may be controversial. When I read your post I got angry. I do not think people who are not over their last relationship should make out with you or even date. After a breakup with are often in the avoidant stage and are not really available. This person should make it very clear on the first date that she is only interested is casual sex. At this point, if you are a recovering love addict, you should move on to someone who is available. Unavailable people trigger your rejection button and takes you all the way back to emotional neglect.
It is sad that you get along so well. It is hard to give this up. But you need compatibility and for you a compatible person should be available emotionally and physically.
This is just my personal opinion. I look forward to reading what others say.
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Post by BunnyEars on Dec 28, 2019 17:51:05 GMT -8
Unavailable people trigger your rejection button and takes you all the way back to emotional neglect. I must say, this is exactly what happened. I went into an emotional fetal position. Really, though, what she was saying was that she liked me too much to mess with me emotionally, because she saw me as relationship material. I could also look at it that way if I was a healthier-minded person.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 29, 2019 8:47:07 GMT -8
BunnyEars:
“...she could only do casual sex, which she knew this wouldn't be because she liked me. She says I ‘scare’ her. I've heard this before, usually from people who had no intention of ever being with me. I'm so loveable that they can never love me.”
I HATE this kind of bull s h i t. “You’re too good. I don’t want to hurt you. You deserve better.”
Actually, on one level they’re right. You DO deserve better treatment than that person is willing to give you.
But you can’t help thinking, “If I’m so great and I deserve so much....why isn’t that happening?”
If you’re either in love or addicted to this person, you don’t want to make them the bad guy. It’s almost impossible to say, “I do deserve better, and you’re not as good as I thought you were.” You still want to put that person on a pedestal and believe they’re capable of treating you well. So why don’t they? Well, if they’re so wonderful, there must be something wrong with YOU.
At least, this is what my mind has done to me. A guy who’s really sort of a jerk tells me, “You’re too good for me.” But because I don’t want to believe he’s a jerk, I think that if only I was good enough, he would give me what I want.
BunnyEars:
“When I asked her if she was seeking just friendship, she said she ‘isn't ready to be friend-zoned just yet,’ and can't we just ‘keep hanging out and getting to know each other?’”
This is going to sound mean and harsh, but: I think she just wants to use you.
This is all about what SHE wants. It sounds to me like she thinks you’re good enough to “hang out” with, but not for a serious relationship.
I have had this done to me. It’s excruciating. I have done this to other people. That’s one of my behaviors that I am most ashamed of, in recovery. One reason I’m in recovery is that I never want to hurt somebody that way again.
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Post by sexlessw on Dec 29, 2019 8:58:51 GMT -8
BunnyEars:
Namaste raised some good points. Honestly, the new lady shouldn't be jumping into anything with anybody until she is ready and past her 8 year relationship. Perhaps she picked up on your "need" and jumped right in. Not intentionally, but intuitively.
Ask yourself if this is the sort of relationship you want. If it's the same old song and dance with each new person, that is the person you are attracting.
How does that change? That's the question to ask yourself.
Have you spoken to her since your last encounter? Or have you distanced yourself? I know NYE is one heck of a holiday to be feeling badly.
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Post by BunnyEars on Dec 29, 2019 9:20:16 GMT -8
It's weird, I've asked some people who have more healthy attachment styles than mine what they thought it meant, and they thought I was seeing rejection when really, what she was saying was just slow down because this isn't casual to her. I think I also am only writing here the things she said that troubled me.
She said she really hadn't expected to meet someone she liked so much, and that she wants to "take it slow" because in the past she's gone to bed too quickly. She said she still had healing to do from her last relationship. She pointed out this was only our 3rd date.
I'm trying to sort out what I FEEL (rejected) verses the reality of the situation (maybe she IS into me, has been hurt in the past and wants to take it slow to protect her feelings.)
I know when I say, "Go slow, friends first," it means I'm not that into someone but I like them enough to want to keep them as an option. I've had friends tell me that is NOT what they mean when they say those things, sometimes it means they're quite into someone and don't want to mess it up.
If she'd truly wanted to use me, I gave her the opportunity. I was ready to rock.
On the other hand, I also kind of think there's no such as "not ready." When someone who really moves you comes along, you GET ready, or am I wrong?
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 29, 2019 9:42:06 GMT -8
BunnyEars:
“I know when I say, ‘Go slow, friends first,’ it means I'm not that into someone but I like them enough to want to keep them as an option. I've had friends tell me that is NOT what they mean when they say those things, sometimes it means they're quite into someone and don't want to mess it up.
If she'd truly wanted to use me, I gave her the opportunity. I was ready to rock.”
Well, I could be wrong. I’m speaking from my own experience, which may not fit in this case.
I have also in the past made the assumption that someone was not into me at all, just because they didn’t want to get too physical too fast. And turned out to be wrong.
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Post by BunnyEars on Dec 29, 2019 10:37:48 GMT -8
BunnyEars: Ask yourself if this is the sort of relationship you want. If it's the same old song and dance with each new person, that is the person you are attracting. How does that change? That's the question to ask yourself. Have you spoken to her since your last encounter? Or have you distanced yourself? I know NYE is one heck of a holiday to be feeling badly. How does that change, indeed? I honestly think a lot of it is just what's in the dating pool after 45. It's not as if I'm turning down available women to chase after unavailable ones. Hmmm, but just in case, let me look at who I'm NOT choosing: There have been only 2 woman I've gone out with this year where we just had no "chemistry." Both I met online. The first, we met twice, she was pretty enough, but we didn't have much in common, she had a lot of new-agey beliefs that I found silly. Another woman immediately snatched her up and they now have combined their families. The second woman I also met twice, she was not attractive to me physically, she seemed sort of chronically single. Both of these women rarely went out, didn't really drink, weren't artistic or activists in any way....zero intensity. I definitely prefer partners with some "edge." I don't like conventional types. I really like someone with BDE, which means, pardon my french, "big d**k energy." I especially love this in a woman. Confidence, swagger, dominance. This latest woman has a flashy, somewhat masculine style of dress that I love. She's very extroverted and brings a lot of energy into a room. She's also very empathetic, I can feel it in how she touches me. I've seen her doing very nice things for her friends, going above and beyond for them, so I know she's got a big heart. There are other things that turn me off about her, though. Biggest red flag: She gets really drunk. Now, I love to drink, but I'm also of the firm belief that if you can't handle your booze, don't drink booze. I'm not doing another fall-down drunk like my exhusband. I promise you I'm not overlooking healthy, emotionally available women. At this point, I will pretty much hit up any single queer woman who is NOT a republican or libertarian, is not financially destitute, not just here on vacation, and I can at least find something attractive about them. I truly don't seek crazy or EU, but it seems like it's either those, or women who are terribly boring, lol. Believe me, I will jump all over the first woman I come across who is somewhere in the middle! We have not been in touch since that evening, two nights ago.
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Post by Shirley C. on Dec 29, 2019 12:12:38 GMT -8
Attraction comes in three forms. (1) You are attracted to physical appearance. (2) You are attracted to personality. (3) You are attracted to how you are treated.
You appear to be one who needs an attraction to someone's appearance and personality. People with edge don't make the best partners. How do these women treat you? Robin Norwood was the first person to point out that love addicts find normal people boring and yet they have a lot of qualities that are over looked. When I was younger I gravitated toward handsome intellectuals. I never found one who wasn't a self-centered. Then I met Frank. He was a musician. He was of average intelligence. He was not an intellectual. But he adored me and treated me like a queen. I loved him with all my heart, but if I had not given him a chance I would probably still be looking for attraction not love.
Over the years, I have observed a growing need for both men and women to be physically attracted on the first date or even to the picture on the profile. This is sad to me but it is none of my business. I am not writing this to criticize you. Take it as a suggestion only.
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Post by loveanimals on Dec 30, 2019 4:32:26 GMT -8
Hi BunnyEars,
I have found that online dating is quite difficult for love addicts. There are a lot of people on there who will lie and withhold information. There are narcissists, straight up liars who are married or in LTRs and want to cheat, and confused people who aren't over their ex, but go on the dating app to ignore the pain of the breakup. I prefer meeting through friends or in person. Even on social media I have met friends of friends, but that way I can at least ask my friend what they think about this certain man before I proceed.
I know it's a challenge to find someone who is a lesbian though in person or through friends of friends on social media, as you have no idea what the sexual preference is of the woman.
Namaste is right about the boring people. I also remember reading that in Robin Norwood's book. My latest men have not been "exciting", but now I crave someone as a life partner who may be boring indeed.
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Post by sexlessw on Dec 30, 2019 5:31:46 GMT -8
BunnyEars:
Namaste and LoveAnimals mentioned Robin Norwood's book. I forgot about that TBH - "boring" as opposed to "bling" or "big d**k NRG". If you are attracted to that, that is what you are attracted to. I can see not wanting to be with somebody who is an OUT AND PROUD Libertarian (John Galt was fiction! Ayn Rand cucked her husband!). However, what if that person had Libertarian beliefs but was attractive in other ways? As for financially destitute - no. Just - no. You're nobody's meal ticket.
This is what you wrote about the current interest with the BDKNRG: "This latest woman has a flashy, somewhat masculine style of dress that I love. She's very extroverted and brings a lot of energy into a room. She's also very empathetic, I can feel it in how she touches me. I've seen her doing very nice things for her friends, going above and beyond for them, so I know she's got a big heart. There are other things that turn me off about her, though. Biggest red flag: She gets really drunk. Now, I love to drink, but I'm also of the firm belief that if you can't handle your booze, don't drink booze. I'm not doing another fall-down drunk like my xH."
Because I used to work in an overly male dominated career (PM me to ask what it was), I am aware of masculine characteristics. I know - little old hetero femme me. What you describe above can be - I want to use the word "destructive" - but that's not the term I'm looking for. Such behavior can be debilitating for the person exhibiting it. It's stressful. The drinking, IMO, is a huge red flag - that masks underlying issues. Is she afraid to be herself? Is she afraid to show that she has vulnerabilities? Is she too afraid of being alone, and goes from person to person after a break up? Living sober is hard for many to do.
Thank you for answering my questions, not for myself, but for yourself.
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Post by BunnyEars on Dec 30, 2019 6:01:13 GMT -8
Loveanimals: I met this woman in real life, actually. She was introduced to me through a good friend while we were out one night, it was instant attraction. My last long-term girlfriend, the one who dumped me after 8 1/2 months, I also met through good friends, and we'd met several times before we started exploring our attraction.
We texted a bit last night. It's over after 3 dates. She says I'm "a total catch" but she's emotionally unavailable, and I deserve someone who can say yes to me right now, not someday. Blah, blah. Too bad. She really had so much of what I'm looking for in a partner. Communicative and self-aware, loves animals, well-traveled, comfortable in social situations (I like to go out a lot,) and a sexual "top" (yes, this is very important.) But I'm not in a place right now where I can tolerate a "situationship," which seems to be all she can offer.
Namaste asked, "How do these women treat you?" Well, I seem to fall for 2 different kinds of women: crazy, or cold. Both types of women treat me great at first, obviously, or I wouldn't even go there. They're attentive and responsive and seem to be all about me. Then the crazy ones start to push my boundaries and cause drama and I struggle to free myself. The cold ones balk and blow hot and cool, or just bow out.
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Post by sexlessw on Jan 2, 2020 5:18:45 GMT -8
BunnyEars:
You wrote:
"We texted a bit last night. It's over after 3 dates. She says I'm 'a total catch' but she's emotionally unavailable, and I deserve someone who can say yes to me right now, not someday. Blah, blah. Too bad. She really had so much of what I'm looking for in a partner. Communicative and self-aware, loves animals, well-traveled, comfortable in social situations (I like to go out a lot,) and a sexual 'top' (yes, this is very important.) But I'm not in a place right now where I can tolerate a "situationship," which seems to be all she can offer."
Now that shows you have made progress. Very insightful about this gal's position [oh my, I didn't mean any sexual position - sorry]. You recognize that she is a EUW (emotionally unavailable woman). Of course she had traits you are attracted to - if she didn't have those, you would not have gone out on three dates with her.
What strikes me, the best for you, is your comment: "But I'm not in a place right now where I can tolerate a 'situationship'" [FWIW I like that one "situation-ship"- sums up the "are we or aren't we" quite well]. Recognizing where you are RIGHT now says "I am still at a place where I am working on this phenomenal project - ME."
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Post by BunnyEars on Jan 7, 2020 9:50:49 GMT -8
Man, I'm having a challenging morning, Accidentally saw on FB that the ex who dumped me 7 months ago for another woman has changed her profile pic to the two of them together.  I unfollowed her long ago, but felt dramatic to unfriend when she didn't do anything bad to me, really, just left a relationship that wasn't working for her. I'm mostly over that, except it really bothers me that she shows up for this other woman in a way she never did with me. Really makes me wonder what it is about me that made her see me from day 1 as a temporary thing. I'm trying to really answer this for myself. It cannot be that I'm unlovable, I've been loved before. I know she was at least a little uncomfortable with my bisexuality (though I don't know if her new woman is bi or gay) and because I've practiced non-monogamy (though I was happily monogamous with her.) Did I not give enough in that relationship? I suspect I didn't, but why would I when she always seemed one foot out the door?I can be difficult, selfish, stubborn, and opinionated. She was more extroverted than I, things like that....we struggled a bit with racial stuff, but her new woman is also white. I'm trying to be logical, and not just give in to that voice in my head telling me bad things about myself. But when I look back at my dating history, it seems like the only women who have really wanted to be with me both had personality disorders, and obviously I can't work with that (goodness knows I've tried.) At least that gave me something deeper to ruminate on. Before that, I was ruminating on the sexy, well-traveled, EU woman who I started this thread about, who decided after a few really great dates with me that she wasn't ready to date. Instead, she offered to "hang out," "keep getting to know each other." I really wish I could just chill and talk to this woman and show her I'm not scary, but maybe I am, considering how badly she triggered me so I froze her out instead of staying grounded and open. I, know, technically, I'm handling this right. I am supposed to walk away from EU people, right? It's easy to say don't accept crumbs until crumbs are all you're being offered anywhere. Was talking with a woman on a dating site today who said she's never traveled anywhere, never read a book (!) Ok some people have never had the means to travel, and ok, she says her mind wanders when she reads. But how much should I twist around what I REALLY want (someone cultured) to try to find Ms. Right? Meanwhile, in 2019, my two closest lesbian friends both got into solid relationships, and seem very happy. Two women I dated briefly also got into relationships that (in my admittedly limited knowledge) appear thriving. I am struggling to maintain my self-esteem and a sense of hope in the face of rejection, envy, and frustration.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 8, 2020 6:07:50 GMT -8
“ It's easy to say don't accept crumbs until crumbs are all you're being offered anywhere.
Was talking with a woman on a dating site today who said she's never traveled anywhere, never read a book (!) Ok some people have never had the means to travel, and ok, she says her mind wanders when she reads. But how much should I twist around what I REALLY want (someone cultured) to try to find Ms. Right?”
I can relate to everything you said, only as a straight woman. I’ve accepted crumbs because I believed that was all I would ever get. (I always think every relationship that ends will be my Last. Chance. Ever.)
And I’ve taken up with men who just lacked something I needed - or had something I couldn’t tolerate - because of that little voice in my head saying things like, “You’re too picky (old, fat, weird, etc.)” and “Beggars can’t be choosers.”
I’m still struggling with seeing myself as attractive, lovable, and worthy of love with somebody who doesn’t have some trait that’s a major problem (for me.)
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Post by sexlessw on Jan 8, 2020 9:49:49 GMT -8
Bunny Ears:
Sorry to read that it hurt you to see the FB gal in a new, LTR. FB can be a minefield with those posts, especially for many L.A.s.
When you *think* people are thriving in their LTRs, that is a front many of them show, especially in the beginning stages of the LTR. Then the "rush" of the relationship subsides...and every day living takes over. Then you see fewer and fewer "ain't we so happy!" posts and photos. It's what you are not seeing that's the true relationship.
However, we read so much into those "happy" posts and stories. And that tends to make us anxious, sad and envious of them. "What do THEY have with eachother that I lack?" thoughts.
{{{hugs in your struggle}}}
Yeah - the gal you were speaking with on the dating site - I don't think you guys would be compatible. She was upfront with who she was and her interests. Those were not your interests. No need to twist yourself into knots and be something you aren't. Did you tell her "thanks for the convo, but I don't think we are compatible"?
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Post by loveanimals on Jan 9, 2020 21:07:49 GMT -8
Hi BunnyEars,
My POA blocked me from Facebook and doesn't use other social media. As tough as that is, it is a blessing in disguise.
I have ex-POAs who didn't block me on social media. I just saw that one had a baby with the woman he left me for. That just really kicked me in the stomach.
It's best to block and stick to it. Otherwise it just will create more and more pain.
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Post by sexlessw on Jan 12, 2020 4:50:06 GMT -8
LoveAnimals:
Good point. I blocked/Unfriended EVERYBODY from my former job when I was suspended (with the exception of ONE person). I received all this stuff on my feed from people I USED to work with and I thought, "I just don't care. These people are not part of my life as of this moment." It felt like I was lighter after I hit the "unfriend" box on FB. TMK nobody has missed me either. Good.
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Post by BunnyEars on Jan 17, 2020 16:26:43 GMT -8
I can't believe how much I'm ruminating over this incident. It was only a couple dates! All we did was make out. She was NOT all that! It's been 2 weeks since I've heard from her or reached out to her. Outwardly, I did the "healthy" thing and walked away from someone who seemed chaotic and confusing and who stated outright she didn't want to lead me on and was emotionally unavailable. Why don't I feel good about it?? Why do I feel like I should've just been chill and hung out and dated her casually until something better came along?
I just can't understand how my life ended up so lonely. I mean, I get it intellectually, I was a lonely, neglected child, it carried over. But I see other people with their live-in partners and their new puppies and their families who visit them and their many social engagements, and I just have no clue how to make any of that happen for myself. These people aren't better looking than me, smarter than me, kinder. The only explanation I can come up with is something must be missing in me, and everybody can see it. I'm overwhelmed with shame sometimes, because I can't get my needs met for companionship, affection, and sex, and it's embarrassing to be lonely instead of reveling in my singlehood like everyone seems to think I should.
Looking on the bright side, I got a part in a theater piece, so I'll have a monologue to learn and rehearsals soon. The antidepressants no longer are making me feel sick and shaky. Work is busy. I'm healthy, housed, fed, etc.. I'm just tired of having so many unmet needs.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 18, 2020 8:57:27 GMT -8
I don’t have any advice for you (not that you asked for it) - but just want to give a virtual hug. Sometimes I feel exactly the same way. Why is it such an effort for me to end up in a healthy, happy partnership - when all around me, I see so many people attaining that pretty easily? Does it mean there’s something terrible wrong with me, and people are just too polite to tell me?
One thing that has helped me is seeing that those other people don’t have totally perfect lives. Maybe something isn’t going well at their job. Maybe they survived some form of trauma. Maybe, before they met their partner, they went through hell with another partner.
Not that I’m mean enough to be *glad* when bad things happen to other people. I just find solace knowing that we’re all vulnerable to pain and problems. Nobody really gets off free.
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Post by BunnyEars on Jan 18, 2020 9:26:54 GMT -8
Not that I’m mean enough to be *glad* when bad things happen to other people. I just find solace knowing that we’re all vulnerable to pain and problems. Nobody really gets off free. This is very much the truth, RoseNadler. Well said. I'm healthy, I love my work. I have creative outlets. I make enough money for to keep myself fed clothed and some fun. Many people don't have half of what I have in this life. The SHAME of abuse and rejection is really what I'm struggling with hard, and this is the first time I've really named this feeling. I can't meet anyone's eyes right now. I'm hiding in a lot of ways, trying to avoid anywhere I might right into any of these women who rejected me. I can't stand it. I'm too scared of being seen to go anywhere alone, and am struggling to reach out to friends. Now I'm in an argument with my best friend too, so that's not helping. She accused me of being too focused on going out and trying to meet people when she just wants to hang the two of us. But all she wants to do is hang out at her house, or she wants to do something physical because she's wound up on weekends from working a sedentary job, while I'm tired and want to relax after my very physical jobs. I think she's bent out of shape because she moved far away from the downtown area and none of her friends want to come hang out in that area and she doesn't drive so it's hard for her to get downtown. Idk, just another person I'm struggling to connect with right now.
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Post by sexlessw on Jan 19, 2020 5:11:29 GMT -8
Bunny Ears:
Congratulations on your monologue. Sounds like a challenge to me, remembering lines, interacting (if you have to) with other performers, the director, and finally standing in front of an audience and interpreting the monologue for them.
When is the first performance?
You've nailed the feeling - Shame. Lots of us react from shame which turns into anger and resentment.
You dodged a big bullet with Ms. EUW of the Two Dates. You miss the feelings she gave you - not her.
Have you asked your BF about the hanging out/not hanging out? Does she EXPECT you to drive her downtown? Does she EXPECT you to go to her house, bring your own workout equipment? Is she single too?
Here is a point to ponder. Do you think that the women who have rejected you are worried about running into you? Or is what you think? You are thinking about encountering them, but are they thinking the same thing?
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Post by BunnyEars on Jan 19, 2020 5:51:25 GMT -8
Hi Sexlessw,
The show is in March. So many things I do involve having a group of people staring at me (acting, singing, even my job as a tour guide.) Like I'm always trying to BE SEEN so I don't feel invisible.
Bestie and I recovered and hung out a bit on her side of town yesterday afternoon. She's not single, about to get married actually, to her longterm man, they just bought a house together last year. Probably part of why she's so stressed right now and acting like a grouch with big life changes.
To answer your question, no, I do not think either my ex who dumped me for another woman or this recent EU woman is at all scared to run into me. Why should they be? Ex is apparently thriving in her new relationship, and as we know from my posts here, she sees no problem displaying it in front of me in the places where I like to go. EU woman, I would be ok bumping into her in the street or something, but I would hate to see her making out or flirting with another woman.
Back to what RoseNadler said, I went to a movie last night (1917 it was good!) with a friend who recently moved in with her girlfriend and they just adopted a puppy together. Well, all is not as it seems in paradise. She confessed her gf is a workaholic and they don't spend enough quality time together and she never performs romantic gestures, and last night they were in a fight. So now, terrible to say, but I feel better. I used to have a bit of a crush on this friend, but ultimately decided we were better off as friends. I found myself last night feeling a longing towards her again, but I know it's just because I'm between lovers and lonely.
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Post by loveanimals on Jan 19, 2020 8:36:17 GMT -8
Yes, in between lovers makes up lonely and sometimes long for someone that we wouldn't typically long for. I'm in that same boat.
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Post by BunnyEars on Jan 19, 2020 12:05:41 GMT -8
Oh dear, Loveanimals, hopefully it's no one too horrible.
Ok, my bestie is really pissing me off. I feel like I may need to take a step back from that friendship. I feel like she's constantly lecturing me about "negativity" (meaning I express an opinion on something that contradicts hers) whereas she can be as negative as she likes. Also, she's always on her phone. I'm not interested in confrontation, and don't typically bother with friendships where there's conflict. We've been good friends for nearly 8 years, but she's just rubbing me all wrong right now. I wanted to get away from her within 5 minutes of brunch today.
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Post by loveanimals on Jan 20, 2020 7:27:11 GMT -8
Oh I just know the feeling of being lonely and liking the attention.
She's on her phone when you are together with her? I find that to be rude. My best friend and I will answer a text if it's about our kids, but that's it. Perhaps you can have a talk with her. I know it's tough to confront a friend. Maybe in a gentle way?
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Post by sexlessw on Jan 22, 2020 4:34:08 GMT -8
Bunny Ears:
Now, I don't quite think you're the type of person who sits back in the shadows, hanging your head, hair hanging in your face, being invisible and NOT going out and doing karaoke. Far from it. So I know that you are going to SLAM your monologue in March and you will be heard. That's great, IMO. If I were able to take your tour when you are doing your guiding, I am sure I'd get a very informative and entertaining tour.
As for your pal - if she goin on about "negativity", is confrontational and is on her device, and you just don't want to hang out with her anymore, that's okay to end the relationship. Or if not end it, distance yourself from it. Friendship isn't about conflict. It's about intimacy - you tell the friend something, she receives your information without judgement. She tells you something, you receive her information without judgement. Relationships end as you know - romantic and friendship. She can always be on her device, but you are more of a priority than her device - and what's on the screen.
Being a grouch to a friend because of a life change isn't an excuse.
If the xGF and the xEUW aren't afraid to run into you - that's good. Hold your head high like you've been doing - you HAVE NOT been hiding at all and I give you major credit for it. And I know you are in pain over having to act like that - hiding the pain you feel when you see xGF and her new GF.
The friend you went to see "1917" with was honest with you - the relationship isn't all hearts, flowers and unicorns. It's work and some strife. And...it was a moment of intimacy that she told you what she is going through with her GF.
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