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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 28, 2019 18:06:24 GMT -8
Definition of Withdrawal There are many stages of withdrawal. The first stage is when someone ends a relationship when you are not ready for it. You will feel rejected and abandoned. You will get physically and emotionally ill. You will now spiral out of control and act out in addictive ways like over texting; sending too many emails; driving by their house to see if they are with someone else; and/or obsessively fantasizing about reconciling. What you do at this stage of withdrawal is up to the individual. Post here a list of how you acted out when you were not prepared for the end of this relationship.The next stage begins when you reach out for help. At the beginning you don't feel much different. But if you stick around you will get a glimmer of hope. New information will surprise you. Still, you are not ready to change so you stay unhappy even though you no longer act out in various ways. Many people get stuck here complaining about what happened. Venting is great, but it can keep you STUCK, and it only brings temporary relief. The next stage is acceptance. Whether it be through no contact or limited contact, you are ready to get out of bed and face the world. Acceptance lifts a great burden off you. You realize all along that your pain was the result of wanting something you could not have. Now you are ready to move on. The next stage is to heal your underlying issues. LAA has 12 steps for building self-esteem, transcending childhood trauma, and what to do when you break up. This stage will take years but you will not be miserable. You will be happy to finally know there is hope. The next stage is to acknowledge your progress. You have changed how you think. You have changed how you behave. You have changed your values about romantic love and know that it is not worth suffering for. Or dying for. The next stage is to enjoy your recovery and look forward. You want romantic love, but you do not need it. You love yourself and are attracting healthy people. You have researched healthy relationships and know now what you are looking for. Love is no longer blind. It has eyes to see. Pascal. |
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Post by Loveanimals on Dec 28, 2019 22:06:07 GMT -8
Post here a list of how you acted out when you were not prepared for the end of this relationship. - Created a fake social media profile to contact the POA who blocked me. Of course this just made him more angry towards me and made things worse, not to mention my own self esteem - Contact the POA's friends to try to get him to talk to me, or to bad mouth him to get a reaction - Knock on his front door to talk Ugh |
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Post by Sexlessw on Dec 29, 2019 5:03:51 GMT -8
Ha. Well, can I join in on the WTF were you thinking when you decided to end/was dumped brigade? It's probably not a good thing to share when responding to a person in pain. However, here, on this particular thread I'll share. Not that I feel badly about doing any of it.
1. Back in the day before it was easy to burn CDs, I went to somebody and had a CD created when I found out my first xOM dillweed was engaged. The night I found out about his engagement I sat and cried and cried. The CD I had created for him had some music which reminded me of him (triggered would be a better term). I created my own cover work, drove to another state to mail it and never looked back.
2. My xPoA I did the same thing - went to the same dude to get a CD made, mailed it anonymously from a different state, went out on DISASTER date with him, while driving me home from the DISASTER date dinner, I said, "Hey did you get anything in the mail lately?" He proceeded to TEAR INTO ME about it. "That was stalker-ish, unprofessional and I threw it out." Nothing like a slap in my face to bring me up short. THANK GOD he said that to me, because, what I had done WAS stalker-ish and it broke the spell he had over me.
Today, he and I are on very good terms - believe it or not. I am thankful that we have the good rapport that we do. I never thought I would write that, but there it is. I would say that he now considers me a friend.
3. Aspen and the Don't Date Him Girl profile during my first round of HARD CORE NC 2006-2008. It's a website not around anymore. I heard about it on Oprah FatFree during her show. My DH took a photo of Aspen, I wrote up the text and posted it. It was a work of art, IMO. Yes I was angry and my post showed. TMK he never knew about it or it was never found. I wouldn't do that now! I've gone past that.
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Post by Loveanimals on Dec 29, 2019 5:52:22 GMT -8
Hi sexlessw, yes it's nice to see how far we've come from doing that. The CD could be like a letter that someone writes for closure, which I know many people without love addiction do. But I can see how that did break the spell, which was GREAT!
I never thought I'd write what I did above. Talk about bringing up shame. But sharing this for me could help with the healing process.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 29, 2019 8:30:15 GMT -8
Definition of Withdrawal
Post here a list of how you acted out when you were not prepared for the end of this relationship.- Created a fake social media profile to contact the POA who blocked me. Of course this just made him more angry towards me and made things worse, not to mention my own self esteem - Contact the POA's friends to try to get him to talk to me, or to bad mouth him to get a reaction Ugh Ditto. Also: - Posted a lot of meaningful songs on a website we were both members of. - TWICE when I had a real reason to travel to his part of the state, let him know about it and tried to get him to meet me. - Stalked him on social media. Stalked his wife on social media. - Texted while driving. - Kept L, my IRL bf, at arm’s length. It would be wrong to be involved with two men, right? So I turned away from the good one and towards the one who was NOT good for me. |
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Post by Sexlessw on Dec 29, 2019 8:43:37 GMT -8
Rose Nadler:
I can't say that anything you or LoveAnimals or myself wrote on our posts was outside of the love addiction post-breakup/withdrawal actions Play Book. I read what other L.A.s have done and, boy, THAT SOUNDS familiar. Thanks for sharing.
I'll repeat myself and say this thread is the best place to post our "crazy" actions. When we respond to other posters in pain, it's best not to tell them, "Oh, you did that? Well, let me tell you, I did this and boy, it was 1000x worse! Let me tell you in exact detail what I did to my PoA…" That starts of feedback loop of "What were we ever thinking when we were 'on' love?" and more details, etc etc etc.
So, if anybody else has what they did post-breakup/withdrawal time, please share here. IMO it will help others who are in that place RIGHT NOW sit back and say, "Oh, wait! I thought I was the ONLY PERSON acting this way! This is the way folks who are addicted act once the relationship is ending! I'm not alone!"
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Post by Loveanimals on Dec 29, 2019 19:28:30 GMT -8
For sure, I thought I was the only person who behaved that way, especially considering how the POA reacted and called me horrible names. When those of us in LA lose our POA, then we would do anything to get the POA "highs" of texts/calls/in person meetings back in our life. Otherwise we have to face the sadness and anxiety of a breakup, which is part of recovery.
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mel
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Post by mel on Aug 26, 2020 3:15:37 GMT -8
Post here a list of how you acted out when you were not prepared for the end of this relationship.- repeatedly paid him on venmo with a comment about my mental state to get him to read it in hopes of him helping me
- screenshotted/downloaded all the pictures on his mom's Facebook out of fear he would block me and I wouldn't be able to see the pictures
- sent him a letter, contacted him on every platform possible
- am considering to do my externship for college close to his hometown, have looked up all possible ways to travel to his house despite not finding anything because of COVID regulations
- specifically curated stories on Instagram to get his attention, by making my close friends' list open to people I thought might talk about what I posted with him
- bought him a sweatshirt I thought he would like, and 2 expensive stuffed animals that he had posted about wanting someone to buy him on his story
- considered suicide attempts knowing it would mean he would find out
This is not a full list and only applicable to this current withdrawal. I have done much worse previous times we have went no-contact
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Post by Sexlessw on Aug 28, 2020 4:32:52 GMT -8
Yup. Spending money on the PoA. Too much money on the PoA. Not only clothing, but gift cards..wait! This is about you! Not me! Why did this sound familiar? Raises hand...
My advice would be to write this out - EVERYTHING out for yourself - that you have done. Print it. Read it. Keep it on hand. You will see your actions and perhaps it will make you take pause the next time you "reach out" to him.
And, if you are writing things out you have done, then that is time you are NOT spending thinking about him.
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Post by TheSuze on Dec 8, 2021 20:39:17 GMT -8
Seeing that others have done similar things definitely makes me feel a little better. I have been struggling with LA for years without understanding why I was going through everything I have. This made me feel completely insane and alone. It's nice to know I'm not actually alone.
I have:
- sent excessive texts trying to reconnect and even used alternate numbers when mine was blocked
-created fake social media profiles for contact
-Googled them and their family/friends, looking for information
- spent hours going through their friends' Facebook profiles looking for information
- stopped by houses
- stopped by jobs
- threatened suicide
- attempted suicide
- contacted their new lover
- tempted them with sex, sometimes to get them to cheat on their new lover
Sadly, there has probably been more. This list is compiled from many different times I've had withdrawal. My current state has included excessive texting and calling, and contemplating suicide. Now that I am attempting to get help, I hope that will stop and no more will come of it.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 9, 2021 12:27:21 GMT -8
thesuze, I will just say “me too” to every behavior you listed except for attempting suicide. (And I did think about it - A LOT.)
No, you are certainly NOT the only one.
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