RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Feb 20, 2020 7:17:59 GMT -8
I’m having trouble with envy.
Last night was my book group night. I really enjoy book group - it’s one of the rare social activities that doesn’t drain all my energy after about ten minutes.
But last night, I was surrounded by women whose lives look so much better than mine.
I’ve had a rocky relationship history, a rocky career, have never been a homeowner, never had kids; and I have this weird personality where I feel bad about myself and struggle to do social things.
These women all seemed to be happily married homeowners, with kids who aren’t in trouble, who either have stable careers or don’t have to work. And they seem to find the social stuff easy, while it’s a struggle for me.
I don’t hate or dislike these women - not hardly. I enjoy talking about the books with them. And I’m not spiteful. I’d be sorry if something bad happened to any of them.
I just wish I was like them. I don’t want to be me, I want to be one of them. “Me” has messed up my life.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 23, 2020 7:06:37 GMT -8
I’m having trouble with envy. Envy is often a projection of your own potential. You see what you can be by projecting on to someone who has it already. Envy should be the catalyst to get you moving in that direction. The exception is to envy the rich. That is not necessarily someone you are meant to be. |
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Feb 23, 2020 10:42:13 GMT -8
Funnily enough, these women are not “rich.” Upper middle class, I’d say - but not in a league with the people who create charity hospitals, endow chairs at universities, etc.
And also funnily enough, I don’t envy people for financial reasons all that much. If I won a huge lottery, I’d get out debt, quit work and buy a house. But I’d probably still do my own housework, cooking, shopping, etc. Some of the “lifestyles of the rich and famous” boggle the mind. There are rich people who don’t do things that I just take for granted - like going grocery shopping, putting groceries away, taking care of pets, etc. The outsourcing of pet care really blows my mind. I love my pets, and I want to - yes, WANT to - clean the litter boxes, wash their food dishes, etc.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 26, 2020 7:11:03 GMT -8
I struggle with envy when it comes to money. The more I want money the poorer I get. I have to accept my poverty. When I asked God why I was poor he said that I was in training to help other poor people.
I live a simple life. Since getting evicted I have been living in a room with a bathroom down the hall, no shower, and no kitchen. I fantasize about having a nice studio where it is QUIET
If I had money I would get a little cottage in the country.
As for the people who have these wonderful lives, they were not chosen to serve God. Wounded Healers, like you, are always poor and have a history of suffering so they can be better healers.
Like you I just want to pay my bills on time.
One thing I did learn because of my poverty. God does provide. I have not missed a meal. Sometimes this one day at a time stuff gets on my nerves though. For the most part my envy is under control. I don't wish bad things on these successful people. Not anymore anyway. LOL
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RoseNadler
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Administrator
Posts: 1,109
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Post by RoseNadler on Feb 26, 2020 7:57:09 GMT -8
I look at FB and see people I knew in high school and college - and they all look so successful in life compared to me. I feel like, I’m 56 years old, and I’ve never accomplished a thing. Sometimes I feel like I ruin everything I touch. I hate feeling so bad about myself. I’m trying to just ride out these feelings until they pass. And look for things to be grateful for.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 27, 2020 14:15:14 GMT -8
I look at FB and see people I knew in high school and college - and they all look so successful in life compared to me. I feel like, I’m 56 years old, and I’ve never accomplished a thing. Sometimes I feel like I ruin everything I touch. I hate feeling so bad about myself. I’m trying to just ride out these feelings until they pass. And look for things to be grateful for. You have accomplished a lot. You survived love addiction and help out on this board. Thanks. Do not compare yourself to others or it will affect your self-esteem. If you do get introspective do not use material gain as a measure. It is your soul that counts. |
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Post by Sexlessw on Feb 28, 2020 5:00:08 GMT -8
FB and social media isn't reality. Far from it. That's why it can be very caustic for us (as a society) to "read" into the ever happy and my-life-is-a-storybook which people post on FB. IMO.
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