ale
New Member
Posts: 1
|
Post by ale on May 19, 2020 10:17:19 GMT -8
Hello everyone, I have been thinking for the past few years that something might be very wrong with me. I tend to search for romance in a very obsessive way, because it intoxicates me and makes me feel hopefull and happy, but when for some reason the person rejects me I feel like I will die, like there is no reason to live....
I have been in a very healthy relationship for the past 3 years. I am actually happy and calm around this person, I am not obsessed about him, yet I love him a lot and he is very good to me and things have been really good. 3 weeks ago I was thinking about a friend from my childhood and thought it was a good idea to friend him on facebook, and we were catching up, it was nice to know about him and all of a sudden he started flirting with me, and I started to feel the kick of romance and feel into a spiral of nonstop messages and fantasising, I was litteraly high on this, I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, working and taking care...
all I wanted to do is chat with him and he told me we should be together. And then he went cold and blocked me. And I started feeling the withrawl effects, true pain in my heart and body, and lastnight even had an axiety attack that lasted 3 hours. this morning I woke up feeling like its time to get some help. So I am here. I hope someone can understand what I am going through. I dont usually cheat on my boyfriends, and I feel bad that I got carried away with this situation. Now is over and I just want to get help to recover from the need to seek for romance like it's a drug. I was very neglected in my childhood and abandoned by my mother, I also suffered sexual abuse from 4 to 8 years of age. I have been to many therapys for that but this is the first time I suspect I am a Love Addict. So how does this work? can someone guide me through this recovery plan?
|
|
RoseNadler
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 1,111
|
Post by RoseNadler on May 20, 2020 4:31:44 GMT -8
Welcome to the group. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I have seen the same behaviour patterns in myself. So have many of the other people here.
If you have not yet created an account, it would be helpful to do this. We have a board labeled “Newcomers” and if you tell your story there, I’m sure you will get more responses.
There are a lot of boards here - some of them have educational material about ways to get better, such as the 12 Steps and Inner Child work. Many of the boards have the true stories of members, and reading them helps me to realize two things:
1 - I am not alone. This happens to other people, too.
2 - Recovery is possible. I have followed the story of more than one person here who started out in a pretty bad place, and later became much healthier and happier.
Welcome!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sexlessw on May 20, 2020 4:31:58 GMT -8
Oh dear. The FACEBOOK trap. Lots of relationships got re-kindled on FB or social media. You are NOT alone in having that happen to you.
Yes. I do understand what you are going through. Withdrawal - what you are describing stinks.
What I did, when I reached that level was went to a therapist. Did some talk therapy. She was the one who told me how I was acting seemed like I was in withdrawal (she was in AA). That set me on this path...
Which led me to this site and others.
I did a lot of reading. First was (don't laugh) Dr. Phil McGraw's "Self Matters". I went on and got ALOT out of Howard Halpern, Brenda Schaeffer and Robin Norwood. Not to mention Marcel Proust. I took notes on what I read, underlining, thinking how it applied to me.
One of my final steps, when I was ready because obviously, I wasn't going to find fulfilment from my OM/PoA, I sat down and completed Howard Halpern's relationship chart. As soon as I saw in black and white my reasons for acting like I did, my life got a bit better.
After finally accepting who I am and that I could not change my OM/PoA and that the relationship could not be a healthy one, I more or less ended it. Today I am very, very, very close to living in the Land of Indifference and feeling - free.
This will take some time. How long? That I can't answer. My journey what a life time, starting when I was 5 (!!!) to my first PoA when I was 16-19, to my next PoA when I was in my 30s, to my first OM and finally to my second OM when I realized - I needed to get myself and life together. I am 51 now.
|
|
