How to Handle Limited Contact Without Losing Dignity

I feel so fed up with this.

If I could, I would never contact him again. Let alone her.

But now it seems that his old phone was left at home, intentionally probably by him.

Highly unusual. Because he always locks his phone up.

So, do I reach out to him next Friday? Or not? if yes, how, calling his work?

Hello,

It is a million dollar question. Not much is available for someone who is into translating, interpreting, USCIS form filling out and tutoring.

The one and only reason has been money, and Covid made it considerably worse. For millions others, too.

You are correct: I am not going to play her or his therapist. She does her thing, God bless her for sweet delusions. She can afford them.

I can not.

Again,

This is something that just happened, without my desire or nosiness etc.

I was just chilling, trying to figure out ways to start somehow making more money etc.

This "other" and very pregnant woman saw my texts on His phone and the rest is history.

No, she would not dare to boot him out: she was by herself way too long and happy that he wanted a quick marriage. She must have been desperate to get any man into her life.

Birth control is obviously not in her vocabulary.

I am upset that I got into this, meddling thru something that I have no interest in.

That’s good!

I think you’re going to be OK. You were minding your own business and this incident wasn’t started by you. And you’re thinking about things you can do to move forward.

Someday in the future, you will be leading a saner life; and you will look back on this and have trouble believing it really happened.

I really feel lousy about the whole thing.

She can knock herself out popping babies for him, as far as I am concerned.

Raising a child today is a huge commitment and I am still doing it.
I have spend years with my daughter since I could not go back to work: I used to work in a lucrative mortgage field which collapsed in 2008 when she was about 18 months. My ex did not pay enough to afford a daycare.

I was reading with her, daily playgrounds, playing her classical music since the day she was born.
She never ever had junk food.
She learnt how to swim: classes for about a year. Then she was in ice skating for three years five days a week since she was five.I also hired a private coach so she could learn skating.It continued for three years, combined group and private classes.

My home went threw two foreclosures but I was able to invest that little money that I was getting in child support into her.
My older son started a part time job at the local grocery store right away.
We made it. We went throw a lot but I feel very proud of what I have done as a parent.

It was never a compromise.

So I know first hand how to raise a child in US being a first generation immigrant without absolutely any family.
This middle age woman appears to be a type who feels she has got to bring a kid into this life right away so put a chronic womanizer on a chain.
If you really want to have a child, there is not short cut: you must do it full time plus a regular job, so the kid has a chance to grow into someone decent.

Hello,

There has been a development. Accidentally, I flipped thru blocked messages and came across a text from not so happy but worried/ obsessed new wife.
Very recently married and already full of anxiety, woman is asking if I want her husband back or just his money.
I'm speechless: not once, not ever did I say, ask, imply or hint that I'm desiring him back.
Where is this coming from, what brought that up?

“There has been a development. Accidentally, I flipped thru blocked messages and came across a text from not so happy but worried/ obsessed new wife.
Very recently married and already full of anxiety, woman is asking if I want her husband back or just his money.

I'm speechless: not once, not ever did I say, ask, imply or hint that I'm desiring him back.

Where is this coming from, what brought that up?”

This sounds like a problem going on inside HER, not you. Not your problem. I’m glad you blocked these people. Maybe now, delete the blocked texts? Is there a way to delete blocked texts automatically, so you won’t be tempted to look at them?

So, he kept repeating same thing three or four times, I says you never told me that you got married, I was firm and polite and then she started screaming in the back, calling me a f*** b****

I hung up immediately. I never call people names, especially those I really never met.

I am not sure what the purpose of this rather awkward call was:

Why asked again- four times, mind you, whether I know or not that he is married.

It was established in the most cruel manner possible on the December 30,2020.

What difference does it make now?

I never indicated that I have been looking to get him back.

For years I was looking to get rid of him.The Money - that's what was the biggest issue. And I am aware that I am ambivalent.

But now- what is going on?

What is the point of calling me and asking the same question?

I have not blocked his old number because I was still hoping that occasionally I need to communicate to him what the needs are and it was working fine for the last six or seven months.

I kept it short and on point.

My kid says that it reminds her of a typical high school behavior:
Call your ex, tell her that you are with me: very insecure and primitive.

My daughter is 14. Smart and mature for her age.

Why am I being sucked in into this bs now??

So, the most recent update is as follows:
R had stopped financial aid, I am sure per his new wifie's demand.

I sent out an official request via certified mail to his place of employment per my attorney's advise and I believe, this note concludes our communication cycle. For good. Forever.

His cell phone does not accept incoming calls and last Friday, the fifteenth, he refused to take my call at work.
He is obviously using his new phone that she got him.

Regardless, both numbers, hers and his non-working at the moment.

He changed his status to married and connected her to his profile. and I am really glad that I took a peak because I really never look at his profile, it is full of secrets but I am really happy that I did this and I swear that it was the last time, too. Because I blocked him off on FB as well.

His wife is a perfect match for him. She was working at local county jail. Sweet.

That's really impressive especially for someone who calls herself " I am f*** nurse".

There is also a picture of her in her kitchen full of empty bottles stuck up on the top of kitchen cabinets along the wall. Nice. There is really nothing I can add.

I am so over him, it is not funny.

This saga is officially over.

I'm not so sure that "free time" is relevant in my particular situation.
My problem has been not him but rather financial, strictly financial dependence on him.

I had stopped hoping that he, all of a sudden, change years ago.
The fun part is to make enough money in the middle of the worst recession ever.

I snapped out of "love" long before that.

Well, I agree a 100 per cent.

I am not familiar with your son's situation but in my case, and I have been self-sufficient for years since I came to US 27 years ago. Until I got a child with someone completely irresponsible. But it is water under the bridge now.

However, I moved on.

I am not sure what kind of lies R has been telling his new victim but it is not really my concern.

I am not completely sure even if I want to take him to small business court or something: I can prepare petition myself etc. I just do not necessarily think it is a good idea in the long run.
My attorney says: " You both signed the lease so you are both responsible for payment. If you have some additional agreement with R. as to the amount he is to contribute each month, then you could try to collect from him but that does not relieve you nor him of responsibility to the landlord to pay monthly rent. You both signed so you both would be liable for full rent. "

Honestly, I do not want to give him a satisfaction to think and or brag that he is so indispensable or I cannot or will not live without him.
I have not seen him since last summer and we are gonna leave at that.

This is a joke - maybe it's genetic! End of joke.

Also, I am sure I have made a number of mistakes going LC. There are certain things that just popped up and at that moment I got taken aback or it happened too fast to comprehend the best route etc.
Like when he was calling me trying to imtimidate me, putting me on a speaker and I did not realize that there had been audience listening to that show off.
Now I realised that I should've hanged up the phone without giving him a validation.

No, I am not ruminating but still.
I wish I knew how to do it gracefully yet firmly.

USPS yet to deliver a certified letter I mailed to his work on 01/11/2021-I was checking tracking and it shows " in transit".

I filed a complaint and got a standard response that" due to Covid.." etc.

It was probably lost.
I needed it to get delivered before my rent was due which was on the 15th.