Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 18, 2020 12:49:54 GMT -8
Tenth Step Prayer
I pray I may continue: To grow in understanding and effectiveness; To take daily spot check inventories of myself; To correct mistakes when I make them; To take responsibility for my actions; To be ever aware of my negative and Self-defeating attitudes and behaviors; To keep my willfulness in check; To always remember I need Your help; To keep love & tolerance of others as my code; and To continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You, My Higher Power.
The fried of mine D. asked me to post her life stories to the steps (I am going to Russian meetings too and I was need to translate it).
The Tenth Step. I continue to observe myself. When it hurts or I experience stress, I sweep my side of the street – I observe what I feel, where are my shortcomings in this situation, selfishness, fear, self-interest, dishonesty, what depends on me here, and if I caused damage, I immediately compensate it. I am practicing this step on a daily basis. At first it was unusual, I wrote it by hand at every situation, now it’s easier, I started understanding faster what is happening in me, I put it on the shelves and I go to help others.
1. What do you do to keep a daily inventory? All of the above.
Diary - yes. I have kept a diary or journal of some kind since I was 20. I wish I had started earlier, and I also wish I had been more honest in the past. I often thought that if someone read my journals, I'd like some of them to seem like I was happy at different times in my life, so they aren't as honest as I'd like.
Blog - I do this now. I journal here, which to me is very much like blogging. I used to blog a while back officially. I never thought about blogging officially about this topic, but I bet it would be well-received by many others.
Nightly inventory - I need to do this in the morning and at night. I try to use hypnosis almost every night and listen to lectures in the morning. I read over my boundaries now and then and try to say them out loud most days. I try to remind myself that I feign helpless, that I people please, that I overshare, etc., and to stop.
Sometimes, I have to stop focusing on negative behaviors, though, because that makes them harder to stop doing!! Ahhhh!!
Confession - I have done this. I needed to do this with myself. I have done this with my husband. He understands that I am working toward being less codependent, and with control over myself, it's easier to not think about what he's possibly thinking about this or that, which doesn't matter anyway. I am doing the work for my recovery, but I did want him to understand that my behavior change is for a reason.
Talk to someone. - I don’t have anyone but the folks here. I write here and interact here and have only mentioned this site to one other person and not specifically. If she had said, "I want to know more," I would have offered.
I listen to lectures, meditate, use hypnosis, and write a lot. I'm constantly immersed in the work of being conscious and trying to stop or at least understand negative behaviors and why I'm doing them.
2. What is the point of continuing introspection? Continuing introspection keeps me conscious of changes I need to be making. When I am aware, reminding myself, I am more successful with my changes.
3. "When we made mistakes, we immediately recognized this." What do these words mean to me personally?
These words are so true! I caught myself controlling and lecturing my husband just yesterday. I apologized to myself and to him the one time and tried to stop immediately. It’s like I can see myself doing the thing, but I can’t stop it!!! Ugh!
However, at least now I can recognize it, stop it, and not feel badly later because I just kept on doing that thing I needed to stop doing. This means, also, that I stop beating up on myself and begin seeing my small and large successes! I can encourage and praise myself for my successes, even the tiny ones, because if I'm having successes, that means I'm not having failures!!
Whenever I do feel badly, which still happens, I can and immediately tell myself that it’s okay to backslide as long as I stop myself and improve later. I'm not perfect, right?
4. How does the immediate recognition and recognition of my mistakes help me change my behavior?
I can stop it when it’s happening or at least after it happened and move away from whatever it is I am doing.
However, it’s still hard. I want to be included in the converstation, so oversharing or overcontributing is still hard for me. I want to “help,” so controlling is still hard for me. With time and conscious effort, I sincerely hope to overcome this. Being conscious of it is the important part.
I’ve read that addicts never really overcome their addiction but learn to “manage” it. Maybe that’s the success I’m trying to reach for, as completely changing at 50 seems very difficult, especially after backsliding so much lately. I have really good days that make me think I'm getting good at this and then a bad day happens to creep failure into my thinking. This is definitely a challenge!
I’m just glad my husband goes to work during the weekdays, so I get a break from trying to hold back my bad habits!
I work from home, so I am not always confronted with other people. I enjoy being alone but often will isolate if I think others are judging me. This is something else I am fighting. Isolation isn't good because it can be for reasons that aren't true, like thinking people are thinking things about me that they aren't really thinking...
Post by RoseNadler on Jul 20, 2022 16:56:13 GMT -8
Cheryl, don’t beat yourself up if it takes some time to change your thoughts and behaviors. I look back on my past behavior and shudder — but if I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I’m doing a lot better than I was three years ago (when I had only been with LAA for a couple of months.)
This is a poem you have probably seen before. It has helped me a lot to realize that I’ve made progress.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place but, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. my eyes are open I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
What if….I could do Step Three BEFORE my life becomes a total disaster?
Thank you for putting this poem here. I have read it, and reading it again is awesome. It really make sense. This time I am trying to "walk down another street," and I am finding it quite challenging. However, every day I can see how I have changed from being unconscious to conscious. That is a huge step!