Addictive Patterns

When you review your destructive behaviors, you can see certain patterns emerging. These could be patterns in the activities you choose, the type of partners you choose, how you plan or alter your schedule to act out, places you go, etc.

Your personal patterns may not be immediately apparent, because it can take time to get to know yourself and to be truly honest. Working closely with a sponsor or trusted friends in LAA can help you to uncover your patterns of addictive behavior.

It is important to recognize and admit your part in your behaviors. How do you contribute to putting yourself into slippery places, or staying there? How do you set yourself up to act out?

For example, your qualifier may contact you in various ways: phone, email, or text message, giving you the excuse to respond and re-engage.

Identifying addictive patterns is VERY IMPORTANT to staying sober. It helps to prevent relapse and finding new ways to act out. The equivalent would be that of an alcoholic switching from scotch to brandy; you might switch from Scott to Sandy.

Examples of addictive patterns can include:

# Always choosing unavailable partners.

# Confusing lust with love.

# Being sexual very early on in relationships.

# Having fantasy relationships with people who show you kindness.

# Dating people who remind you of your mother or father.

# Ending relationships when they become too intimate.

Look at your patterns of addictive behavior and the thoughts, feelings and habits that feed these addictive behaviors, and come up with your personal bottom lines. They should be clear, concrete, and easy to remember. Engaging in any of these behaviors is considered a slip in your sobriety.